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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

My husband breaks all my stuff

75 replies

Soulsista1980 · 02/12/2023 16:03

My husband breaks all my things and blames it on being clumsy. He damages my cars all the time and never pays for repairs and gets angry when I say I can't allow him to use my cars any longer. He contributes nothing financially, smokes marijuana with his coffee at breakfast and always has an excise for not being able to make money to contribute to our home. He complains about me not being a submissive wife and says that he could never trust me alone with our son who is 13, because I don't know how to cook decent food. I work 12 hour shifts 6 days a week. I have to get home at night after leaving home at 6:30am, to clean the house and my bedroom before I can bath and go to sleep because he doesn't even clean, nor does he make the bed when he wakes up. He just relaxes all day, picks our son up from school, cooks for the two of them, then leaves the kitchen dirty for me to come clean after work. He also regularly burns pots of food that I have to throw away. He dishes large plates of food and then eats only half and let's the rest stand on the kitchen counter getting stale. I throw away so much food daily because of his wastefulness. I want to ask if I'm overreacting? I'm not sure of I am at this point. 😔

OP posts:
Epidote · 02/12/2023 18:43

The only waste you need to trash is him.

BagelandEggs · 02/12/2023 18:53

You deserve so much better than this and it's affecting your mental and physical health and your son's view of what makes a good man. Please put yourself and your son first and get out asap or get some help and advice from a Women's Aid charity x

frozendaisy · 02/12/2023 18:54

You've been underreacting for years OP.

Soulsista1980 · 02/12/2023 19:01

I own 2 cars. He has none. He's not financially responsible at all. He got into very bad accidents with his own cars and couldn't replace them because I'm both cases, he was not sober.

OP posts:
Sidebeforeself · 02/12/2023 19:04

Im more concerned that you even have to ask this !

Soulsista1980 · 02/12/2023 19:06

I see him being protective when other people come at me. That's why I stay. I'm afraid to be alone because I fear the dangers outside.

OP posts:
Caffeinequeen91 · 02/12/2023 19:08

The dangers outside?

CandyLeBonBon · 02/12/2023 19:12

Why do you think you're overreacting?

Soulsista1980 · 02/12/2023 19:12

That's what I was thinking.

OP posts:
Pinkbonbon · 02/12/2023 19:13

What people are coming at you?
What dangers outside?

Op most women are not killed by strangers. They're killed by partners.

ttcat37 · 02/12/2023 19:15

What are you doing with this loser? Have some self respect. Kick the cocklodger out and get an alarm to feel safer from ‘the dangers outside’. Your child is being poisoned by this complete waste of space.

Soulsista1980 · 02/12/2023 19:17

I love in south Africa. Women get killed by randoms here all the time

OP posts:
ohdamnitjanet · 02/12/2023 19:21

Finding it hard to believe a word of this tbh.

Missymooo322133 · 02/12/2023 19:23

You want to ask if your over reacting? I'm sorry but when did we start putting up with shitty men? When did stop standing up for ourselves? Your name isn't cinderella! You need to give him a kick up the backside and go nuts not ask mumsnet if your over reacting

rainbowsparkle28 · 02/12/2023 19:26

Literally only one thing I need to say- WTF?! Why are you with him?! You can do better and deserve so much more than this waste of space. Get rid.

Pinkbonbon · 02/12/2023 19:27

I guarantee you, more women are raped and killed by people they know than people they don't know.

Also...nothing is worth living with this loser who leaches off you.

Hes making your own home an unsafe place to be and he's teaching your son its ok to tell women they should be submissive to men. If you stay with him, your son is being raised to be an abuser just like his dad.

He may become one of these men you and other women are so afraid of.

Get him out, invest in a self defence class ot two and get a doorbell camera.

You don't keep abusive men around in order to protect you from other abusive men.

EnjoythemoneyJane · 02/12/2023 19:29

And you’ve chosen to lead with ‘he breaks my stuff’?!

This prince of a man sits on his arse smoking weed all day, contributes zero to your life except constant criticism, a shitload of mess and the requirement for you to be ‘more submissive’ (WTAF?), and wastes food - and therefore your hard earned money - in a vindictive, territory-marking way (ruining your things is also an extension of this, btw).

He’s a cunt. Why are you slaving for him and tolerating this bullshit? What happiness and joy does he bring to your one and only precious life?

Catoo · 02/12/2023 19:33

If this is real …
Just get rid.

YouJustDoYou · 25/02/2024 11:50

He keeps crashing? no doubt because he's drug driving (WITH YOUR SON IN THE CAR!!!)

bevm72yellow · 25/02/2024 12:35

Gosh that all sounds really tough on you. That behaviour is not normal or acceptable. He is having all his needs met and your needs are ignored. You are trying to keep all the plates spinning and maintaining a relationship. You are trying and he is not. Him getting angry is his way of controlling your feelings because you will step back or avoid speaking until you really have to. Start organizing towards ending the relationship for your benefit and that of your son (your boy will start to model the behaviour). Organize housing, finances, paperwork and then go. No need for announcement to him that it is over as he will try all avenues to stop you (maybe threaten suicide or self harm but phone the police should he try that manipulative tactic) Read Lundy Bancroft,s book on abusive behaviour. Let close friends/family know who can support you e.g. transport stuff or store stuff for you. You have done nothing wrong only try your best and he has failed you by not cooperating for the good of the relationship. Lots of women are in this similar situation and do not know which way to turn. I imagine he behaves very differently in social situations. Give yourself permission to leave you do not have to justify your relationship or reasons for quitting it to anybody. Good luck

DrewHormordr · 02/03/2024 18:32

Get rid NOW
where do women find these losers?

SwordToFlamethrower · 02/03/2024 18:49

What the actual fuck did I just read?!
Submissive wife? You're a shit cook but doesn't even cook for you?
He does nothing, not even tidy up after himself?
Smokes weed for breakfast?

Meanwhile you work 6 days a week?????

You really need to ask if it's you or him???

I despair!

GET. RID. OF. HIM!

SwordToFlamethrower · 02/03/2024 18:54

The only random who is a risk to you, is the man abusing you in your own home!

I'm so sorry he has made you feel so vulnerable and scared.

LookItsMeAgain · 02/03/2024 19:00

He's adding nothing to your life except for broken belongings.

End it with him now and you'll not only save yourself a heap of money in relation to repairing things but you'll only have to buy them once as they won't be getting broken.

As for his comment about leaving your son with you...that's laughable. You can teach yourself how to cook if that's his complaint. He however can't stop breaking your stuff (which is a sign of someone who has very little respect for you or your stuff).

DrJoanAllenby · 02/03/2024 19:08

You must have incredibly low self esteem to tolerate this piece of crap you call 'husband'.

If you can't bin him for your own sake then please consider the damage being done to your son by having such a disgusting father as a role model.

Divorce him asap.

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