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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

My husband breaks all my stuff

75 replies

Soulsista1980 · 02/12/2023 16:03

My husband breaks all my things and blames it on being clumsy. He damages my cars all the time and never pays for repairs and gets angry when I say I can't allow him to use my cars any longer. He contributes nothing financially, smokes marijuana with his coffee at breakfast and always has an excise for not being able to make money to contribute to our home. He complains about me not being a submissive wife and says that he could never trust me alone with our son who is 13, because I don't know how to cook decent food. I work 12 hour shifts 6 days a week. I have to get home at night after leaving home at 6:30am, to clean the house and my bedroom before I can bath and go to sleep because he doesn't even clean, nor does he make the bed when he wakes up. He just relaxes all day, picks our son up from school, cooks for the two of them, then leaves the kitchen dirty for me to come clean after work. He also regularly burns pots of food that I have to throw away. He dishes large plates of food and then eats only half and let's the rest stand on the kitchen counter getting stale. I throw away so much food daily because of his wastefulness. I want to ask if I'm overreacting? I'm not sure of I am at this point. 😔

OP posts:
housethatbuiltme · 02/12/2023 17:23

Traditionally it was against etiquette to 'make the bed', its a very modern trend and in the past people would strip top covers off the bed to allow the mattress and sheets to breath during the day. So theres nothing wrong with no 'making the bed'.

Curious how many cars you have as you say it as if you have more than one but he doesn't have any, thats odd in a marriage.

I personally would not like someone sitting at home all day smoking marijuana, I find stoners quite a 'turn off' from a life partner stance but I have friends who aren't bothered by it at all.

I would tell someone right where to shove it if they told me to be more submissive. I'm normally quite shy but don't handle domineering men well it brings out my 'fight or flight' response in 'fight' mode for some reason.

If you don't like him (and you clearly don't) then leave him, I'm not really sure why you posted when your OP was pretty clear about how you feel.

Topseyt123 · 02/12/2023 17:26

Why the fuck are you with him? You need to divorce him asap and stop UNDERREACTING!

He sounds like a total fuckwit and is hardly a shining example to your DS.

WearyAuldWumman · 02/12/2023 17:27

Leave.

Bananalanacake · 02/12/2023 17:30

What are his good points. How long has he been unemployed. You can get rid of him as you're not dependent on him for money, the big question is does he have his name on your mortgage or rent.

Isometimeswonder · 02/12/2023 17:32

This is obviously not a real post.

Deadringer · 02/12/2023 17:34

He is a piece of shit. Flush him away asap.

Imperfectp3rf3ction · 02/12/2023 17:34

Something tells me he was like this wilhen you met him 🤔🤔 the waster bums are usually too lazy to hide their bumpy ways

AbondonedThemePark · 02/12/2023 17:35

Give yourself a massive Christmas present this year and get rid of this waste of space.

Reggiebo · 02/12/2023 17:36

Why

Grumpynan · 02/12/2023 17:40

Does he have any good points? He must have something or why else do you stay with him

SisterMichaelsHabit · 02/12/2023 17:41

Haffiana · 02/12/2023 17:10

This is a sort of amalgam of classic cocklodger posts, isn't it? With an obligatory 'am I overreacting?' tacked on the end.

What it really needs is some sample AI froth-response posts. As a real person I can't be arsed.

Nailed it.

RhannionKPSS · 02/12/2023 17:42

Put him out of the house, he is adding nothing to your life, this is no life for you & your son. Make plans to get him out of your lives. There is a new year coming, make it a fresh start.

Jewelspun · 02/12/2023 17:46

Isometimeswonder · 02/12/2023 17:32

This is obviously not a real post.

It would be depressing if someone really was letting their husband treat her like a bit of dog shit on his shoe and she is unsure if she has a right to complain!

No one could be that pathetic, could they?

MinceFlies · 02/12/2023 17:46

Katy231 · 02/12/2023 16:33

Is this real??? ... I read the first few lines and I am in shock. You need to leave him!

I very much doubt it's real, bet this is a one time post and the OP won't be back

TooShortToReachThatShelf · 02/12/2023 17:46

So, let's be clear -

Your husband doesn't work (but is happy for you to work 72 hours a week!)
Doesn't contribute towards any expenses (see above)
He smokes weed
Sits about the house doing fuck-all
Leaves the house in a mess
Cooks but wastes huge amounts of food
Damages your car (why do allow him to use it?)

WHY the hell are you with this worthless, idle, doped-up waster?? He's a great role model for your son(!)

Isometimeswonder · 02/12/2023 17:47

I fear for humanity if it is! But no, I think it's made up, for whatever reason, I really don't know.

DidiAskYouThough · 02/12/2023 17:50

What on earth are you doing with your life? I can’t comprehend how anyone would accept any of this for one second.

FiddleLeaf · 02/12/2023 17:51

You’re not really reacting enough. He’s a leech.

He has these accidents because he doesn’t respect you.

makeminealargeoneagain · 02/12/2023 18:01

Why have you not divorced him? He brings nothing positive to your life. You would be so much better without him. Your son needs better male role models. Get rid of your waste of time husband and build a new life for yourself.

Giraffescarf · 02/12/2023 18:09

My husband is a drug taking abusive cock lodger who has caused thousands of pounds worth of damage. AIBU to be slightly pissed off? 🤦‍♀️

LeRougeEtLeNoir · 02/12/2023 18:10

You are massively UNDER reacting

KinS24 · 02/12/2023 18:16

Ridiculous. You are not real. On the 1% chance you are please run away
fast

Psssstheycmere · 02/12/2023 18:16

If you are just now asking this question after at least 15 years of this abuse, and you don’t plan to kick that man out on his ass, then don’t complain. Let that man be who he has been for the last 15 years, in peace. Have you thought about your son? Would you want him to grow up to be just like his dad? Would you want him to burden another woman like that? That is abuse! I don’t mean to be harsh, but you need a good shake. He will never leave you unless a better ride than you comes along. If you can’t put him out, take your son and move out. I hope you make the best decision for your sake and your son.🙏🏾❤️

TheAverageJoanne · 02/12/2023 18:25

What's frightening for me about this type of post and we see it daily is the OP asking if they're overreacting or being overly sensitive to behaviour that anyone can see is weird vile reprehensible and no way normal. This scares me because how many women are in this situation and desensitised to it so they have to get confirmation that it's just not normal at all.

TheAverageJoanne · 02/12/2023 18:32

Haffiana · 02/12/2023 17:10

This is a sort of amalgam of classic cocklodger posts, isn't it? With an obligatory 'am I overreacting?' tacked on the end.

What it really needs is some sample AI froth-response posts. As a real person I can't be arsed.

I used AI and it's useless see below

It sounds like you're dealing with a challenging situation. It's understandable that you're feeling overwhelmed. It might be helpful to have an open and honest conversation with your husband about your concerns and feelings. Seeking professional advice or counseling can also provide support in addressing these issues. Remember to prioritize your well-being and consider what steps you can take to create a healthier living environment for yourself and your son.