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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

“It’s my house”

57 replies

Meaning74 · 01/12/2023 09:10

I have some time between jobs at the moment and asked dp if he would consider us / me fostering a kitten or puppy. He loves pets but said no.

for context we have been living almost exclusively in my (rented, for which I paid all the rent and bills) flat for the last 6 months and will shortly be living in his. I have always made him feel welcome and never pulled the whole “it’s my flat” line.

when he said no to the pets, I asked why and he replied “well, it’s my flat isn’t it” obviously meaning that’s why he gets final say. It’s made me nervous about moving into his, I’m not sure I really want to now. I don’t like that he still very much sees it as only his.

OP posts:
Fuzziduck · 02/12/2023 07:56

You wouldn't have a claim anyway - only contributing groceries.

BackAgainstWall · 02/12/2023 08:24

It IS his flat, he owns it.

He’s pulling rank over you and the buck will always stop with him.

You will always be his guest and not equal partners 💐

MilkChocolateCookie · 02/12/2023 08:34

I don't think it was unreasonable of him to veto the pet - he may have used the wrong wording but I think both partners need to be onboard when it comes to pets.

I also don't quite understand the posters who say that you'll be in a vulnerable position by moving in. If you split up in future you'll have to find another rental, but as you're renting at the moment anyway I don't see the big deal about that? Am I missing something? And you'll have had the chance to save money in the interim.

I do agree that if you stay together in the longer term it might be better to get a new place together so it feels like both of yours equally.

Springcleaninginsummer · 02/12/2023 08:56

She won't have a rent book or any period of notice. If he gets sick of her he can ask her to go with a few days grace. Most tenancies take a few weeks to get references and such. It's a risk, that's all.

greyhairnomore · 02/12/2023 09:10

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 01/12/2023 09:23

Please explain situation with the flats a bit?

Hers is rented, his is owned.

greyhairnomore · 02/12/2023 09:12

Meaning74 · 02/12/2023 02:01

Hi everyone, I’ve spoken to him and he’s apologised. Said he didn’t mean it that way and was only in the context of our discussion, that we are equal partners and I am free to decorate etc. Said this should be a good opportunity for me to save - I offered to pay market rent and sign that I wouldn’t have a claim to his mortgage but he flat out refused and wants me to have a good deal.

You're leaving yourself quite vulnerable , you'd have no claim on his flat anyway as you're not married.
If you split up he could kick you out immediately, do you have somewhere you could go?

category12 · 02/12/2023 13:33

greyhairnomore · 02/12/2023 09:12

You're leaving yourself quite vulnerable , you'd have no claim on his flat anyway as you're not married.
If you split up he could kick you out immediately, do you have somewhere you could go?

Show quote history

As long as she saves money and keeps it aside, it's fine. She could get a hotel or sofasurf with friends/family until she can get somewhere of her own.

She's only "vulnerable" if she's daft enough to spend what she should be saving - or if she were to have a baby (or get pets) without home rights.

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