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Original poster

DH going out. Overreacting?

69 replies

NewBabyGirl2020 · 30/11/2023 23:11

Am I overreacting?

Have a 3 year old, 4 month old.
Husband went out the other night after work with a friend and didn’t get home will 1.30am and drunk. The next night he went to an event and didn’t come back till 4am.
Both times I said he could go out but make sure you are home at a reasonable time so I don’t have to deal with the kids wake ups by myself. By this I mean 10pm-ish

Both kids wake during the night and I ended up with both in my bed, hot and unable to sleep all night.

I was fuming this morning. I always confront issues head on and immediately but I’m exhausted of always being the one talking and solving everything and I’m bored of feeling like a nag! I waited for an apology, explanation etc… I got nothing. He was being nice but didn’t mention anything, as if he wasn’t even out till 4am, leaving me to deal with nights alone for 2 nights. He knows I wouldn’t have got much sleep.

All day he knows I’m upset but instead of speaking to me about it he does other things like make me coffee, sort my bed out etc. Unless I speak about it, he won’t won’t say anything. I know it sounds petty me not saying anything but I just thought for once he would communicate with me first but unless I make the initial opening then he won’t deal with the issue. No apology, no asking how the kids were last night. Nothing. I’m fuming. Am I over reacting?

btw - he’s not hiding anything dodgy as I know all the people he was out with and where.

OP posts:

squeekychicken · 01/12/2023 09:43

I'm a 'cool' wife lol but if my dh went out on the piss 2 nights in a row when I had 2 young dc to look after I'd be annoyed. Are the days after the night out a write off too? Does he make a habit of this or is it Xmas related?

Original poster

NewBabyGirl2020 · 01/12/2023 09:44

@Freakinfraser calm down! 😅
he said he’ll be back both nights by 11pm. He wasn’t. Don’t agree something and not follow through or update your partner. I don’t mind him going in nights out 😂 Just the way it was handled.

OP posts:

GreatGateauxsby · 01/12/2023 09:44

Ah this is a nice update…
I agree the commutation about what you need is important!

enjoy getting your nails done 💅

Thejewellershands · 01/12/2023 09:45

Some of these replies are so frustrating! Why does it matter how many times he goes out? The point is, she asked him if he could come home to help and he AGREED! If he didn't want to come home at that time he could've said in the moment. Instead he agreed to it, went out, knew that his wife was at home expecting him back, knew that she would be struggling without him, and still made the decision to stay out. Not just for an extra hour or 2, but until 4am! And then didn't bother to even mention it the next day. He did this twice on the trot.

He has two very very young children ffs he isn't 18 anymore he has responsibilities. There's nothing wrong with going out, and he DID go out. No one stopped him from going out. But they are a team and sometimes compromises have to be made. It was so selfish and disrespectful of him, I'd be very upset

Grimchmas · 01/12/2023 09:50

@Maddy70 there's no way you are a mum if you're not going out until 10pm, or if you are you must be still quite young and have an amount of energy that I'm just jealous of!

Rosiiee · 01/12/2023 09:55

Christmas nails!!! Very jealous! Enjoy!

TheHawkisHowling · 01/12/2023 10:23

I'm glad he's getting you a treat - I do think you deserve that.

If this was a rare occurrence, I wouldn't be too mad about it. Bit annoying him not coming home when he agreed, but I've gone out with the best of intentions before and not got home until a lot later than 4am. It's too easy to lose track of time when you're slaughtered.

But I'd definitely expect something in return! As soon as that hangover was resolved, I'd be heading straight to bed with my book, earphones in!

appallingadvice · 01/12/2023 10:37

Of course you are not bloody overreacting. He is in the dog house and knows it but too spineless to bring it up.

Opentooffers · 01/12/2023 10:52

I think you handled it well and the outcome seems positive. If you had had a go at him for it, he may have got defensive and huffy, but it seems the silent treatment worked, made him think and arrive at the sensible conclusion.
Meantime he was doing stuff for you - nothing to lose by holding off saying anything when the other is making crawling gestures, shows he knew he'd done wrong. You've got the measure of him now 😉

CwmYoy · 01/12/2023 11:14

Freakinfraser · 01/12/2023 09:29

No self respect as you can cope with two kids and think each partner should get time out to do things they enjoy?

ok..

Show quote history

No. A partner who respects you enough to be home when he says he will be and not be rolling drunk.

A decent man doesn't get bladdered and stay out 2 days in a row if he respects and loves his wife.

Low bar for anyone who thinks that's ok.

InAPickle12345 · 01/12/2023 11:54

You TOLD him he could go out? Honestly, you sound painful and I don't see what he's done wrong as such. Sure it's not ideal to be out two nights in a row but it's not the end of the world to manage your children on your own for 2 nights.

Does he make a habit of this?

What time was he up and present for his children both mornings after?

ElevenSeven · 01/12/2023 12:03

How much help would he be if he’s been out all night anyway?

I wouldn’t want someone under the influence getting up with a baby.

Can’t see the issue tbh.

Seaoftroubles · 01/12/2023 12:13

Great result OP, glad he acknowledged he'd acted unfairly and is making amends. You certainly had some odd replies from posters who obviously have a low bar re team work in parenting but glad it gave you a chuckle!

Original poster

NewBabyGirl2020 · 01/12/2023 12:43

@InAPickle12345 haha I am anything but a ‘painful’ wife! Everyone in my life is very vocal about how I am the opposite of that. But go ahead, call strangers names. Happy to take feedback but you are just rude!

if you agree arrangements with your parents and they do the opposite and leave you clueless of what’s going on then that’s fine for you. But I want a respectful partnership with open communication. Husband agreed he was selfish in this situation

OP posts:

labamba007 · 01/12/2023 12:51

@Freakinfraser can't say I'm embarrassed at all. Most people (whether their child free or not has nothing to do with it) can empathise with someone who hasn't slept for two days while their partner agreed to be back at a certain time and wasn't. Just you who can't. So thought it would be a handy suggestion for you 😉

Original poster

NewBabyGirl2020 · 01/12/2023 12:54

NewBabyGirl2020 · 01/12/2023 12:43

partner not parents 😂😂

OP posts:

RantyAnty · 01/12/2023 13:00

He needed to come back at 11pm or midnight like he said.

What on earth does anyone do until 4am out drinking anyway?

Maddy70 · 02/12/2023 08:25

Grimchmas · 01/12/2023 09:50

@Maddy70 there's no way you are a mum if you're not going out until 10pm, or if you are you must be still quite young and have an amount of energy that I'm just jealous of!

Wrong on both counts ;)

napody · 02/12/2023 10:18

Seaoftroubles · 01/12/2023 12:13

This- nice one OP!

I really hope all these 'what's the problem?' posters aren't raising boys.... I was hoping things might be better for the next generation of girls. Such a low bar for men you have.

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