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Original poster

2 year relationship not met his daughter

76 replies

brokencrayons · 29/11/2023 09:53

Hello I’ve been in a relationship with a man for 26 mi the now. I have three children who he has met and he has a daughter who I’ve yet to meet. He keeps telling me it’ll happen next week, then he creates an argument. I’ve been very respectful of his decision and haven’t pushed the issue until last week. He shouted at me down the phone “do t ever bring up my daughter again!!!@ he’s also got me blocked on social media and never posts me on there. I’m really feeling insecure about myself and the relationship and I’m thinking of ending it as I feel disrespected and like I’m not good enough to be shared in his world. Am I being silly? I need advice

OP posts:
Original poster
brokencrayons · 29/11/2023 13:45

He says he doesn’t want to make a mistake by introducing her. But after two years it seems like he has no faith in this relationship or me

OP posts:
TheCatterall · 29/11/2023 14:23

@brokencrayons so you’ve met his mum and share a caravan together. How integrated are you in the rest of his life after two years?

Do you go out for meals or drinks with him and his friends? Do you socialise much outside being just the two of you?

personally, I wouldn’t be happy with the degree of separation he has in his life after two years, if he’s serious about the relationship

W0tnow · 29/11/2023 14:26

The blocking on social media would be enough for me. I’ve got the ick on your behalf.

oakleaffy · 29/11/2023 14:26

@brokencrayons You can bet your life he’s married still.

Especially the blocking.

He doesn’t want his daughter repeating to Mum that Daddy and her went out with another woman.

CottonC · 29/11/2023 14:35

@brokencrayons why do you need to meet his daughter?? You're dating him, not her. To be honest I think hes doing the right thing because you're not married to him (or any plans to) so there's no need for his daughter to have a relationship with you considering she has her own mother and you're not going to be living with her, so even though I'm sure you're a lovely person, you've got nothing to do with her own life.

The vast majority of these type of adult relationships end which will almost certainly be the case with this guy you're dating. Too often adults mix other adults into their children's lives unnecessarily. It's horribly disruptive for a child to bond with an adult and then have to deal with that bond ending when the parent ends the relationship. Best to keep children out of it unless it's serious i.e. marriage is potentially on the cards

CottonC · 29/11/2023 14:41

I'll also say it doesn't look like he thinks the relationship is long term. I would actually limit his contact with your kids because it's not fair on them connecting with him when it looks like a break up will be coming down the line. They've presumably already gone through the trauma of no longer having their own dad as an everyday part of their lives.

I would be straight with him OP and ask him if marriage is on the horizon (by two years he will know if he wants to commit to you or not) . If one or neither of you are planning to marry, I would keep both sets of children out of it, and end things unless you're happy to be used as someone "good enough" for now but for nothing serious.

MrsKeats · 29/11/2023 15:35

He's shouting at you and has you blocked on social media?
The daughter is the least of your problems.

Original poster
brokencrayons · 29/11/2023 15:55

He’s never been married. His kids mum has a fiancé

OP posts:
butterycrispness · 29/11/2023 16:22

Of course you are not being silly. He has treated you with total disrespect and you should not waste a second more of your precious time. Block totally and move on.

SleepingStandingUp · 29/11/2023 16:24

He doesn't love you enough to trust this will work so he's refusing to let you meet her so it's easier when you break up.

I'd bring that date forward.

butterycrispness · 29/11/2023 16:25

You don't carry on seeing someone who has shouted at you and blocks you on their social media! The guy is a massive fucker. Block him, the bastard!

user1483387154 · 29/11/2023 16:26

I totally understand and respect waiting, but 2 years? Im sorry this guy does not love and appreciate you.

butterycrispness · 29/11/2023 16:26

I am sad that you doubting yourself.

FairFuming · 29/11/2023 16:28

Its weird! Sell the caravan you own together and leave him. At the very least he's ignoring and disrespecting your boundaries

Channellingsophistication · 30/11/2023 01:40

I think the issue here is shouting at you and blocking you on social media …

Kellogg1 · 30/11/2023 02:22

He doesn’t want to introduce you because he’s waiting for a “better option”. You aren’t on social media or connected to him on there and he won’t introduce his child because he doesn’t see this long term, you’re simply filling the gap between relationships. How can he find “the one” if you’re all over his social media?

If you meet the child that’s committal and if you’re shown on social media that’s him off the market.

Sorry but I’ve been in this situation. It’s not nice but you’ll feel better if you’re the one to end it (maybe after an ultimatum that he won’t commit to)

Pinkbonbon · 30/11/2023 02:44

butterycrispness · 29/11/2023 16:25

You don't carry on seeing someone who has shouted at you and blocks you on their social media! The guy is a massive fucker. Block him, the bastard!

This.

I mean surely it's over now regardless.

A decent human would have explained why and tried to understand your perspective and feelings too.

Not shouted at you and blocked you like a child throwing a strop.

I'd bet his mum doesn't like his ex (probably because of lies he's told about her) and so has no problem with helping him string you along. But chances are he's still sleeping with his ex. Or takes other women home and is worried the child will blab to you about that.

Hiding something or not, he's a knob. Time to go.

flowerchild2000 · 30/11/2023 03:23

There's no way he's not in another relationship. What does talking to his mother have to do with it?

Original poster
brokencrayons · 30/11/2023 09:03

That’s how I feel. I gave him a type of ultimatum yesterday where I told him exactly how I feel ( which he has known for sone time) I said he can either sit and think about how he can make this better or it’s over. So far had no response. Total silent treatments if he ghosts me again today or ignores my calls the decision is made and I’m out. X

OP posts:
Original poster
brokencrayons · 30/11/2023 09:12

We don’t do anything other than go to the caravan every other weekend when we both don’t have our kids. The rest of the time he goes to the gym and I go to my gym or we come to my house. There’s no social life, he doesn’t drink so that’s why he doesn’t like the pub scene he says. Understandable x

OP posts:
DuploTrain · 30/11/2023 09:29

It sounds like you never go to his house?
Sorry but it really does sound like he’s living with someone else.

OlderandwiserMaybe · 30/11/2023 10:01

Wait a minute..
You Speak to his Mum everyday (or text)
The daughter who is 12 - borrows your clothes that you leave at his house?
He shouts at you whenever you express annoyance at not meeting his daughter?
You dont go out socially?
He blocks you when you have an argument?

How many red flags do you need. I'm sorry >>>> the hills are this way >>>>

RantyAnty · 30/11/2023 10:18

brokencrayons · 30/11/2023 09:12

We don’t do anything other than go to the caravan every other weekend when we both don’t have our kids. The rest of the time he goes to the gym and I go to my gym or we come to my house. There’s no social life, he doesn’t drink so that’s why he doesn’t like the pub scene he says. Understandable x

I think you've written about this twat before.

He's hiding something. He's a jerk when he doesn't get his way.

Block and delete.

Seaoftroubles · 30/11/2023 10:33

Whatever the reason he sounds horrible and treats you with utter disrespect. Raise your bar OP, is this really sort of man that you want in your life? If so think hard about why you are accepting such awful behaviour from him.

Original poster
brokencrayons · 30/11/2023 12:33

He lives with his mum, I’ve visited a couple of times x

OP posts: