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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Do you still fancy your DH?

29 replies

Wallflower3 · 27/11/2023 08:19

Been with DH for 6 years. From reading on here there’s so many women who no longer love or even like their DHs anymore. We’ve always considered ourselves lucky - very few arguments over the years. My sister in law asked me recently do we really fancy each other as much as we make out. I never really thought about it but I suppose we do? It’s something I’ve never had in previous relationships and I think it’s a big part of why we work. Anyone else feel like this about their DH?

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MyLadyTheKingsMother · 27/11/2023 08:22

Yeah, we do. 12 years in for us. We are very lucky. It's all down to finding 'your person'

Generally speaking monogamy for life is not natural.

smilesup · 27/11/2023 08:29

Oh yes! 23 years in. I have my moments when I can't be arsed to have sex (4 kids and menopause have knocked my libido) but when he smiles sideways at me my heart aflutters

butterbean59 · 27/11/2023 08:31

Sadly for me I do but I’ve just found out my partner doesn’t any more. I look at my OH and fancy the pants off him to this day. He has told me that he has lost the desire with me but still loves me.

pinkfongg · 27/11/2023 08:37

Yes, we've been together nearly 13 years, married 5 and have 2 young children.
Strangely the sex has got better after our second child, I don't know if something has changed inside me but it's like A LOT better! (Sorry if TMI) 😂
I think we also feel really proud of ourselves for getting through a tough 5 years, our first DC is quite high needs and active and has caused us a lot of stress at times. We've also moved and decorated every single room in the new house within 2.5 years. Now baby 2 has come along we feel like we've finally achieved what we wanted all those years ago and I guess our love has grown, plus I've always fancied him, he's just my type I guess and he always says I'm his.
Sorry if that seems like I'm bragging, I guess for once I feel like we're content rather than constantly working towards something else!

MustBeNapTime · 27/11/2023 08:38

Absolutely, but it's deeper than just "fancying" the package, I adore his heart and his beauty shines from within. He has the most gorgeous eyes... He still has most of his hair, only just beginning to thin at 50 and it's all peppery with grey, but he's one of those men that really suits it.

But he has also always treated me with respect and kindness, he has never so much as raised his voice to me, even though when we first got together I was not a nice person. He has always pulled his weight with childcare, household chores, etc, we are equals in every way, even though I am a SAHM, any money he earns is OUR money. He has never considered housework or childcare to be my job, if he's at home, even after a long day, jobs are 50/50.

Things haven't always been roses, I have a very low libido and he has a much higher one, but he has always accepted the way things are with good grace and has never made me feel bad. He tells me I look lovely, even when I know I don't and has loved me through all my fat and thin stages.

We have been together 22 years and I love him even more than I did when we were first in the throes of young love. I am a very lucky girl.

Wallflower3 · 27/11/2023 08:46

Ah I love these ❤️❤️❤️ It’s such an amazing feeling isn’t it? We were making love last night and I swear it was just like the whole world had melted away. Just really loving and fancying the life out of each other. He made me feel like a woman, a wife and a giddy teen all at once.

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Celebrationsnakes · 27/11/2023 08:59

9 years in for us and yes absolutely! It's like we've been together a couple of months.

MissKittyFantastico84 · 27/11/2023 09:20

Mine sounds a lot like yours @MustBeNapTime!!

We've known each other since we were 17 and have been together since we were 24. I'm turning 40 next year!

I still look forward to seeing him when he comes back from going out, and I still catch myself looking at him and getting a squiggly tummy. Sometimes he drives me mad, but he's the only person I want to be around most of the time.

He took such care of me and our son when I was going through some life-changing medical treatment a few years ago, and it strengthened my love for him ten fold.

And he has dimples. And green grey eyes. x

HeraSyndulla · 27/11/2023 09:24

After 20 years I still fancy his brains out, at every opportunity.

Echobelly · 27/11/2023 09:27

Yes, we've been together for 20 years, married for 16 and I definitely fancy him. He's lost his hair (which was already going when we met) and put on some weight, but he still has his beautiful eyes and very sexy smile, and he seems to still fancy me too. I've put on some weight too but I still have my hair 😁

DisforDarkChocolate · 27/11/2023 09:27

Twenty-one years in and definitely. I also feel very loved every single day. Pick someone you like and has similar values and it's definitely easier. Sex isn't everything but it definitely helps.

TheBirdintheCave · 27/11/2023 09:32

I don't fancy anyone. So no. I still think my husband is very handsome but I've never had the 'I want to tear your clothes off' feeling that people describe about anybody I've ever met.

Do I love him though? Yes. More and more and more each day. He is my favourite person in the whole world.

MustBeNapTime · 27/11/2023 09:37

@MissKittyFantastico84
Aw, mine has dimples too, but hazel eyes... 😍

SarahC50 · 27/11/2023 09:39

Yes together thirty years married twenty seven this year. He is the kindest, gentlest man I know. Never loses his temper and is always great with the kids. Obviously we have changed both of us but I still think he is gorgeous and tbh I love him more as time goes on.

Lovely to read this thread x

IsabelaYourBoyfriendsHere · 27/11/2023 09:40

Absolutely. He was a spotty long-haired 16 year old when we met (I was 14 and thought he was really fit!)
We've been together 12 years now and married for 6, he's 30 next month and he just keeps getting more attractive. I really really fancy him. ❤️
To top it off he's a good person and the most wonderful father to our three little girls, which definitely adds to his attractiveness.

Crishell · 27/11/2023 09:49

Sort of.
I no longer have the 'i want to rip your clothes off' sort of fancying but to be honest I've always struggled with that. Sex isn't the top of my list compared to other people.
I do find him handsome/attractive though. Just in a much deeper way.

Supra · 27/11/2023 11:00

Not really. It’s 23 years on and he irritates me which means the attraction wears off. I’m pretty sure he doesn’t fancy me either. Doesn’t seem interested in anything I do nowadays.

Wallflower3 · 27/11/2023 11:29

I’m so glad I started this thread. DH has deep blue eyes and our baby boy has the exact same eyes. It’s so lovely. I never thought these type of feelings were real until I met him. I honestly want to teach my babies not to settle for anything less than feeling like you’ve found the other half of your mind, body, heart and soul x

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Appleass · 27/11/2023 11:33

2 days after my 16th Birthday, I met my now hubby, he was 21yrs. 41 years later we are stronger than ever, I love the bones of him and yes still fancy him and pretty certain he feels the same.

vidflex · 27/11/2023 11:35

25 years here and he's like a fine wine!. Literally sends me giddy when he walks round in his towel after a shower lol

Familyiness · 27/11/2023 11:39

100%. We don't really argue, been married 4 years together almost 15years.
Unfortunately we both have physical problems so the physical side does get left behind a bit. But we still love to hug, cuddle up, share a kiss, spend time together etc
We just get each other and the fact is it's attractive to me that he knows me so well, he knows when I need a pick me up.
Same with him

Ladyj84 · 27/11/2023 12:05

Oh yes love and adore him stupidly haha and 4 kids on we still act like stupid love struck twats...it takes working at a relationship, talking,humour and if we have an argument once a month I would be surprised very rare. We can talk about anything, always have each others back, work well together as parents, do house chores between us and I dunno it just all happens naturally. Love my life and I hate when he is on a long shift at work still I get lonely lol so sad I know

TheBirdintheCave · 27/11/2023 12:29

Wallflower3 · 27/11/2023 11:29

I’m so glad I started this thread. DH has deep blue eyes and our baby boy has the exact same eyes. It’s so lovely. I never thought these type of feelings were real until I met him. I honestly want to teach my babies not to settle for anything less than feeling like you’ve found the other half of your mind, body, heart and soul x

This is interesting though because I feel like what you've described here is different than fancying someone. In my mind they're two separate things.

I have all the romantic feelings for my husband and feel like he's my soulmate but I don't feel sexual feelings for anyone.

MaxTalk · 27/11/2023 12:36

Of course not - don't be silly!!

Wallflower3 · 27/11/2023 12:38

@TheBirdintheCave no that’s fair enough. I suppose what I mean is I have these feelings for him but I also fancy him on top of all that if that makes sense? Like if we couldn’t have sex or there was a drastic change in his physical appearance would I still love him? A billion percent. I feel like we’re soulmates and I suppose just feel lucky that we fancy each other so much if that’s makes sense

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