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Original poster

Split with DH, he's staying in the home

61 replies

SuddenlyOld · 27/11/2023 07:37

Someone I know has split with DH. He wants to stay in the home and she'll have to rent. She works PT. They will have 50/50 custody of DC. So far nothing legally binding.

I want to give her good advice but I don't know current rules for finance etc. She won't be paying towards the mortgage. I think she will lose out financially.

Does she need to make the split official? Will she get benefits? Would it be better to sell the house (she'd still have to rent).

Can anyone help? I don't want to give her bad advice. TIA

OP posts:
ManAboutTown · 27/11/2023 14:31

Get her to see a solicitor and work out what her options are. The first line of questioning from mine was how everyone was going to be accommodated going forward. There was enough money for us to buy our own properties so aa little easier for us but it's key for most particularly with kids involved

Separating / divorcing couples can make their own arrangements but where one or other feels they are being unfairly treated then courts step in. Solicitors cost but its worth it in the long run to pay a but more per hour for a good one who won't just clock up unnecessary hours.

In any case the lady in question is entitled to her share of marital assets which sounds like it includes the house in this case. Solicitor will advice the best course of securing that (even if it means one or other occupies the house until kids reach adulthood)

evtheria · 27/11/2023 14:33

instagram.com/londonfamilysolicitor

There are some helpful articles she's written, but I'd strongly push seeing a solicitor (as others have stressed) and Citizens Advice as well.

beAsensible1 · 27/11/2023 14:34

she should not leave the house! and don't spend the money on renting somewhere else spend it on a solicitor.

beAsensible1 · 27/11/2023 14:41

SuddenlyOld · 27/11/2023 09:29

@Workawayxx

I have suggested #2 but she says she needs her own (private) space away from him.

#1 won't work as she can't get a mortgage when PT. She says she needs a guarantor to rent (and somehow find the deposit)

this is short sighted thinking.

if she's wants that book an airbnb once a month.

if she can't afford a solicitor how can she afford to move out?

Left · 27/11/2023 14:44

Has she got any local friends or family with a spare room? Not somewhere to move out to, but somewhere she could stay over one night a week to get some headspace from him and the relationship?

It reads to me like he is making all the decisions and maybe she would benefit from a break from him.

Original poster
SuddenlyOld · 27/11/2023 16:40

It just feels like everything is against a woman who works PT to look after kids. They're still very young so she needed to be there for them. If she'd gone back FT all of her wages would have gone on childcare.

OP posts:
GarlicMaybeNot · 27/11/2023 16:51

One of the MANY things she needs to know is whether she & XH are joint tenants or tenants in common. If needed, she can change this. Either way, she should register 'home rights' to the property - it's free.

She needs legal advice. Some of the recommendations above give a good overview of the questions that need answering.

Joint property ownership

Check if you're a joint tenant or tenants in common. Change from joint tenants to tenants in common, or tenants in common to joint tenants

https://www.gov.uk/joint-property-ownership

Quartz2208 · 27/11/2023 16:58

She needs some legal advice and a proper agreeement set up both on child arrangements, maintenance and if she does move out that her share of the equity is ring fenced and she is t giving up the house

and a proper childcare split her wages should not all go on that.

a decent session with a solicitor is worth it’s weight in gold - she can do quite a bit herself but outlining where she is a must

overwhelmed2023 · 27/11/2023 17:19

SuddenlyOld · 27/11/2023 14:13

I don't understand his reasoning. He says if he moves out he has to pay rent and half the mortgage. If she moves out, as pp said, nothing changes for him except he'd have to pay for childcare and he'd lose her (small) income. But she'd lose his income and have to pay rent. He says that's better because she'll get UC with some of her rent paid. Would she get help towards the mortgage if she stayed and had to pay it all?

How do they split the mortgage at present??
He's trying to get your friend to move out so he doesn't have to sbd pay rent. Sounds like they can't afford the house and they will face to sell and both rent.
Without more info we can't advise much more !

Whataretheodds · 27/11/2023 22:15

SuddenlyOld · 27/11/2023 16:40

It just feels like everything is against a woman who works PT to look after kids. They're still very young so she needed to be there for them. If she'd gone back FT all of her wages would have gone on childcare.

This is wrong headed. If she is PT to look after the kids then all the more reason she shouldn't leave the house they live in.

If she goes FT it's not all her wages going on childcare because they are both responsible for funding childcare. Did he start paying into her pension when she went PT? Or savings for her?

Original poster
SuddenlyOld · 13/12/2023 08:06

Just a quick update. Now the dust has settled she is looking for FT work and they are selling the house. She can get advice through her job. It's all very sad with a lot to sort through.

Thanks to everyone for their helpful advice x

OP posts:
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