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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Can anyone spot any red flags

35 replies

westyorksb · 26/11/2023 18:27

I want to start by saying I have improved massively over the years with my dating anxiety but I still sometimes get these little twinges of doubt that set in and I really am trying to ignore them and not to worry so much.

So to give full details

So I’ve had a total of 3 dates with a guy, each date roughly 5/7 days apart.

Date 1 - coffee which lasted 4 hours in end, he followed up with text within the hour asking for second date

Date 2 - evening drinks, until closing with goodnight kiss or 5, he followed up as soon as he was home thanking me and asking for another date

Date 3 - dinner, stayed till we were kicked out and again plenty of goodnight kisses, again followed up same evening asking to go out again etc

So we’ve had daily communication all the way through not constant bombarding of texts but regular throughout day, like yesterday we texted in morning he knew I was out for day with sister shopping so later in arvo he messaged to ask how day was going etc.

When I told him about somewhere nice I had lunch he said “we should go there one day”

We chat and convo isn’t difficult we seem to have a lot in common

I thought all this sounded ok and healthy but I friend has put me on edge as she thinks it’s strange we don’t text more and that we haven’t actually go a agreed day for our next date we just agreed to go out and now got me over thinking as she thinks it’s a sign he has plenty of options

Can anyone else spot any raging red flags 🚩

OP posts:
ScottChegg · 26/11/2023 18:31

Being bombarded with texts would be enough to put me off someone.

I can't see anything wrong here.

BiggerBadderBrainfogged · 26/11/2023 18:32

You are overthinking. All sounds normal and healthy to me.

TheShellBeach · 26/11/2023 18:32

It seems fine and dandy to me so far.

CCL333 · 26/11/2023 18:33

Massive red flag on your friend. The guy you’re dating seems perfectly fine though.

SamW98 · 26/11/2023 18:36

Sounds really good to me. Early days not rushing into anything too quickly

Your friend is being ridiculous

westyorksb · 26/11/2023 18:36

Thank you, this is what I needed to hear as I say I have come along way but still do get moments where I worry and alot of the time I'm right to worry but so far this has all seemed positive to me

But my friend was making my doubts creep in

OP posts:
Riverlee · 26/11/2023 18:37

Sounds fine to me.

WmFnKdSg1234 · 26/11/2023 18:38

There's nothing from what you have detailed that is in any way an issue.

Don't overthink things at this stage, just enjoy what sounds like a nice beginning. If a problem arises deal with it then.

I would be careful of your friend, from what said has said she might be use love bombing overly intense approaches.

LaurieStrode · 26/11/2023 18:38

BiggerBadderBrainfogged · 26/11/2023 18:32

You are overthinking. All sounds normal and healthy to me.

This. Your friend sounds juvenile and dependent. Constant texting is insecure and immature imho.

Imagine if someone like that had to exchange letters via post as people used to.

NeverDropYourMooncup · 26/11/2023 18:39

What's your friend's dating life like - more dramatic? Because I'm seeing a relaxed, happy, non-overwhelming, non-love bombing, healthy start to dating in your description.

christmasdodedodedo · 26/11/2023 18:40

Your friend sounds dodgy and disruptive tbf. What's she usually like?

Amy8 · 26/11/2023 18:41

There are no obvious red flags.

monstrousindecision · 26/11/2023 18:43

all seems good

westyorksb · 26/11/2023 18:44

Well like me we're both single parents who have had traumatic dating life's, but since I moved away I have found my anxiety has settled massively and I'm a lot calmer

In my experience the guys who do text constantly and are full on are usually just only after sex or they suddenly ghost

So this approach from this new guy is totally new to me but I'm hoping that's a good thing

OP posts:
itsmylife7 · 26/11/2023 19:07

Your "friend" sounds a little over the top.

Maybe share less with her about your dating life.

GreekDogRescue · 26/11/2023 19:08

The friend sounds a bit jealous

Thisisworsethananticpated · 26/11/2023 19:11

The red flag is you letting your friend make you feel anxious for nothing

monstrousindecision · 26/11/2023 19:17

he sounds like a nice and balanced guy. presumably friend jealous or something

porridgeisbae · 26/11/2023 19:19

No obvious red flags depending how long it was since your last date @westyorksb . Obviously if it's been six weeks or a month or something without anything major standing in the way of you meeting, then that is unusual. It is odd he hasn't concretely arranged a date.

Santaiswashinghissleigh · 26/11/2023 19:24

Your mate has a touch of the Green Eyed Monster imo. Keep a bit more to yourself from now on op. Watch those niggles niggle off....

TruthThatsHardAsSteel · 26/11/2023 19:26

CCL333 · 26/11/2023 18:33

Massive red flag on your friend. The guy you’re dating seems perfectly fine though.

Yeah, your friend is a twat.

Watchkeys · 26/11/2023 19:54

What do you think a red flag is, @westyorksb ?

jays · 26/11/2023 19:56

Agree… the red flag is your ‘friend’! Trust me! I had a friend like that once. Guy sounds great!

louderthan · 26/11/2023 20:08

This all sounds great and perfectly normal. A constant barrage of messages is so jarring. Please ignore your friend OP!

CroftonWillow · 26/11/2023 20:11

Sounds like your friend might be subtly trying to sabotage this

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