He has another child

[Friedbrain23]

I never knew. He never thought this was something worth telling me, so he just omitted the whole thing. He told me now because his child is trying to get in touch with him
The child was conceived before we got together and apparently his only involvement has been to pay CM and ignore the fact that they exist.
We have 2 DCs and he loves them, but is telling me that the other one "doesn't matter".
I am heartbroken for several reasons and I feel like he has completely pulled the rug from under my feet. This is all so wrong on so many different levels, and he is making me feel like it won't change a thing. It changes so much and I can't describe the anger and disappointment I am feeling right now.

Heartless. However at the age of 14 it might be very harmful to get involved with the child now given it’s his teen years.

I do think you should tell your children at some point they have a sibling.

Did you mean its mother?

my eldest doesn’t see her father, he’s never paid CMS and I doubt he has told anyone - personally if that was my husband or partner and I found that out - I would be out - what a shit of a person. Don’t want a baby wear a condom

Children become Adults, and one day that adult will pitch up on your doorstep… I hope your husband had his explanation ready

I knew that he compartmentalises a lot in work but I never realised that he also did it in life outside work. I absolutely feel sorry for his child but I also feel very conflicted, mainly about the deceit. I'm just so tired and I know I'll wake up the same tomorrow, but I'm grateful for everything I have.

its the lie isnt it you could have handled it differently if you knew from the start

i dont think i could forgive this

Wow, been there, proper dk move. To be honest, Just do not step boundaries but trying to reach out to this person because it make further affect your own relationship beyond repair.
If I was you, I would really remind him that this raises questions about his view on your own children, regardless of the circumstances that brought this child in the picture. You can be honest with yourself, if it will be better to have this kid be brought into your lives, I would suggest it to him as it will likely help because I personally cannot live life knowing this person is loving and caring for our kids fully whilst he has one he never wants to see but yet pays for.

I have a friend who went through a similar situation. In her case, he was 18 when he got this woman pregnant. One night stand (or a few nights' fling? Who knows). when they then got together he didn't tell her, but he did tell her before their relationship moved onto the next stage. It was a bit different in that by the time they were together they were both still early 20s. At the time, she was happy that he'd had no contact with this woman and child and I remember being a bit surprised by that, even then.

She told me a few years later after they had kids of their own that she was struggling more with it now as she'd realised how weird it was that he could be such a wonderful father to their DC, but so indifferent to this other child. I think they had a bit of a tough time about that for a while.

They did subsequently finally develop a low level relationship with the first child, but it's pretty hands off, helped by the fact the child and mother lived in another country.

My point is that even though my friend knew all along and had originally been happy with the way her DH dealt with it, she still then struggled. So you finding this really hard is not surprising to me. It makes you look at him in an entirely different, much less flattering, light.