What do you think this means in man language.

[Tetleyteafor3]

Partners depressed. We've had some wobbles because of it. We needed to discuss something they suggested he was online looking at other ladies. We had an unproductive disagreement and a silent treatment. A week later I brought it up calmy. He has accused me of constantly starting on him and said he swore if It happened again for both our sakes he'd end it. He's sort of contacting me now but it's blunt.

It's been 3 years we've been together. Anyway this morning I said are we going to be friends then as we are messagingnow calmy he got really mad and said he didn't know what he wanted and I was pushing him.

I phoned him up and explained we had financial connections and we have things we share and there's my kids and stuff too. I said I quite simply needed to know his plans going ahead.

He got defences and said I was forcing him to make a decision.

I can't win. I've offered to accept the relationships done and he's still angry at me..

What is it he wants. I dont understand.

He has accused me of constantly starting on him

I don't know how much use this will be but this was always DM's response when asking her something - generally she'd made some assertion, I'd ask her why she thought like that she'd snap 'Don't start on me!' It brought the conversations, such as we ever managed to have, to a very effective stop and prevented me trying again; which is what your OH is doing.

IMO he doesn't know what he wants, he definitely doesn't want to talk and he doesn't want to make a decision, he's stonewalling every attempt you make. The end result is he's dumping everything on you so YOU make a decision and he can then blame you for everything when, as he sees it, you ruin his life by being so unsupportive of his MH issues.

He gave you silent treatment because you objected to him using porn, then said if you brought the issue up again he’d end your relationship?

that’d be a deal breaker for me.

Or was he on dating sites?

Yes, it started with him doing something wrong and when you brought it up, he got defensive - now he is saying the relationship hangs in the balance.

Do you still fancy him like that or is he a ball ache and constant aggro like this where he twists it round on you and basically is not strong enough to hear criticism and simply act on it?

Of course said criticism was him stepping out of the relationship..

I'd rapidly be losing the will with a guy like this. He's a 'buyer beware' - you can have him if you want, but beware what you are actually getting and could you do better...

This man sounds like he needs to leave your life. The silent treatment, gaslighting, shutting you down, it’s all abusive.

He was looking on a dating site! Says it was a hacked email.

Hrs always shutting chats down. Randomly just had a message saying how is town.

So do you think he's staying with me for fear of loosing the fincial side of what I bring? Or do you think he's feeling guilty about ending it?

I've had enough deep down but angry because I've done alot to help him recent so I'm angry that hrs under appreciating me after all that

So basically he's on dating sites trawling for women, and when you don't like it, he shouts at you, gives you the silent treatment and generally acts like a prick?

The question is really, what are you putting up with this shit for and why is ending the relationship his decision?

Just dump the fucker already.

He's not going to engage with you in a productive way and you can't force him. So focus on what is within your control. If you want the relationship to be over, then act as though it is. Even if you dont want it, its still best as he could make that decision anyway, and the whole thing sounds like way less than you deserve. Stop waiting around while he has you hanging and take control. Make your practical arrangements for you and your DC and then tell him what, if anything, you expect from him on a practical level to tie up the loose ends. It sounds like you're already living separately so hopefully there isn't too much to sort out.

You're helping him financially while he looks for other women to date and have sex with. Let that sink in. Then dump him.

It isn't 'man language'. Not all men are like this, and some women are. That said, it is infuritating and frustrating and I feel you. It sounds as if he is actively wanting a 'bad guy' in his life, and you have been cast for the role. I personally couldn't put up with that sort of behaviour. Also, he is keeping his eyes open for other options. Personally, I'd get rid.

He wants to keep you dangling. He's on the lookout for other women so is hedging his bets right now. You're a back up in case no one else is interested.

In what way are you financially linked, if you don't live together?

What he’s saying or not saying isn’t relevant here.
x
what he’s DOING is treating you terribly. Pack up his stuff and tell him to come and collect it. Sever any financial links and be done

You seem emotionally invested, he sounds like a cocklodger.
He threatens to end it if you question his unreasonable behaviour.
You put up with it because you want the relationship to work.
Call his bluff and bin him.
You're worth more than the shit he's offering you.

When you say he's financially dependent, what do you mean?

He sounds really awful, tbh, and I can't think why you'd want to stay with him. If you are making his life easier financially then that might well be why he's not making the decision to leave you now.

I think it's time you made a decision as to what you want - a grumpy cheat or the chance to start again.

End it yourself! You deserve much better. He is playing you.
You don't have to accept the relationship is over because he said so or accept his commandments of if this happens again I swear that I will.......
Take control and tell him that at least is over for you.

Why are you waiting for him to decide what happens?

He's an arse, end it yourself.

You don’t have to have his permission to end the relationship. If you want it to end, then it is over.

You say that you are financially linked, so that may mean that you can’t have a nice clean break, but you can start working on uncoupling your finances as soon as you decide that you want the romantic relationship to end.

You come across as quite passive here OP - saying you "need to know his plans" and "will accept if it's over". It's your decision too OP, not just his! Take back control and dump him!

LTB

What do you mean by the financial side of what you bring?

"Just dump the fucker already."

Nailed it.

Why are you giving him all the power?

Why be so passive?

You do know you can make decisions, too?

Do you actually like, love, fancy, enjoy being with him?

Don’t chase a man who can’t decide if they want to be with you and takes action to be with others. Why be someone’s option when you can be someone else’s priority.

The man is a pillock.

Scrape him off your shoe for someone else to tread in.

Ahead lies another man who will respect you and reciprocate your affection as well as being faithful and kind.