What do you think this means in man language.

[Tetleyteafor3]

Partners depressed. We've had some wobbles because of it. We needed to discuss something they suggested he was online looking at other ladies. We had an unproductive disagreement and a silent treatment. A week later I brought it up calmy. He has accused me of constantly starting on him and said he swore if It happened again for both our sakes he'd end it. He's sort of contacting me now but it's blunt.

It's been 3 years we've been together. Anyway this morning I said are we going to be friends then as we are messagingnow calmy he got really mad and said he didn't know what he wanted and I was pushing him.

I phoned him up and explained we had financial connections and we have things we share and there's my kids and stuff too. I said I quite simply needed to know his plans going ahead.

He got defences and said I was forcing him to make a decision.

I can't win. I've offered to accept the relationships done and he's still angry at me..

What is it he wants. I dont understand.

He owes me money I paid his rent arrears. We have stupid things set up together, prime, Netflix, a food delivery place, we recently went halves on a tele.

This is the 3rd time this year I've suspected and questioned things. He said it really hurts him I think he's after anyone else. He says I'm paranoid.

I think the money and anger about this treatment is making me try "reason". Although I'm fully aware I should just cut my losses.

I guess my need for full truth is eating away at me too. I get really hurt when people lie to me. It really gets to me.

I just want to add I pay all my bills and stuff I'm not living beyond my means. Incase you think the tele etc is over indulging. I thought we were building a future up so was comfortable with those things.

These are easy things to extricate yourself from. it sounds like you don’t live together?

You may have to walk away from money he owes you, for rent and television if there is no formal agreement. (But hopefully not - he may well pay you when he can.)

If you are paying for the Netflix and prime, etc, can you change the passwords so he can no longer access them? If not, cancel the contract, and set up a new one. Equally, if the contracts are in his name, you can cancel any direct debits with your bank if you don’t have access to the subscription details.

If you want the relationship to be over, end it.

As far as he is concerned, it looks very much like he is hanging in there with you until a situation or person he perceives as better comes along. Or maybe he just wants his cake and to eat it. Is that the relationship you want to be in?

Just start canceling these joint things, take the television in lieu of the rent arrears and get on with your life. This man will keep wheedling with you until he can leave on his terms which is of no benefit to you, and it's over.

Yeah it seems like he just hates being questioned.

Its like he won't put kisses on the end of messages no more either. Just blunt.

Yeah its all easy to sort. I'm just hurt and feel worthless to him.

I'll be OK. I just need to learn to be happy in my own company at home again. Feel abit lost tonight. Sort of bored.

I think the more pertinent question is why are you not making a decision for yourself about what you want? Why is it all about trying to understand him and what he means?

I'd just be taking him at face value tbh. He isn't interested in want you have to say, and he isn't going to talk about it.

What is it that he wants? He wants to do whatever the hell he wants, and never be challenged on it, no matter what it is. But fuck him, start thinking about what you want.

“I can't win. I've offered to accept the relationships done and he's still angry at me..

What is it he wants. I dont understand.”

if you know the relationship is done why does it matter what he wants? He isn’t telling you so you make a decision about the relationship based on what you want to do. Personally I’d get rid.

It does sound like you’re using those financial ties to keep him bound to you. You don’t „own“ him just because you have a Netflix account together and lent him money. That’s a soft loan most likely and if you’ve got nothing in writing then be prepared to write the money off. Change your passwords on those accounts - easy.

Your partner is a grown man, leave him to it since that’s what he wants. If he doesn’t appreciate you then you’ve got nothing to lose by letting him crack on with his life.

You deserve better than someone who invalidates your feelings and treats you unkindly.

I wouldn't waste anymore head space on him if I were you. He is not worth your efforts.
End it, you'll be happier.

Me and my friends have lots of experience of this sadly! It highly likely means he’s actively chatting to women on dating sites, possibly even meeting them and you therefore have become an option. But that he’s waiting for someone he really connects with before ending it fully with you x

Please raise your bar OP and get rid of him. Of course its not 'man language', he is actively looking for other women on dating sites and running rings round you.The financial ties are easy to resolve, although you might not get your rent arrears loan back, but every day free from him will be a bonus! Don't wait for him to make a decision, dump him asap.

In man language i think he's being clear, he's keeping you at a distance. In woman language, why do you try to maintain this dead end relationship?

He’s being very clear. He expects you tolerate his current behaviour and never bring it up.
Even when he’s physically present, he’s clearly checked out and has his mind elsewhere but his financial situation means that he can’t just leave.

So do you think he's staying with me for fear of loosing the fincial side of what I bring? Or do you think he's feeling guilty about ending it?

I think he just wants you to sit down and shut up and be a good little partner who doesn't question him and bankrolls him when he wants.

I think the more pertinent question is why are you not making a decision for yourself about what you want?

THIS.

Seriously, stop trying to figure out what he wants and how you can provide it. Start valuing yourself and being fucking angry that he dares to treat you with contempt instead of like a god damn queen.

Work out what YOU want, and proceed accordingly. What a fuckhead who can't even have a grown up conversation wants is irrelevant.

Man language ? It's not 'man language' at all, it's simply selfish, immature, cheating, lying, manipulating, cocklodgery, abusive bloody language !

What is it he wants ? He wants to be left alone to lie, cheat, borrow, scheme and manipulate you ! And that's ALL he wants from you !

He'll continue to do all these things, while making YOU feel 100% 'inadequate' or somehow 'damaged', simply because you won't be 'happy' about what he's doing !

This 'man' doesn't want, nor is he capable of having (or even interested in ever having), a mature, loving, adult, respectful relationship.

Do yourself a favour, and stop trying to find 'reasons' for his abysmal behaviour towards you, because you're really just trying to find 'excuses' for yourself to enable you to put up with it ? Why would you do that to yourself ? Aren't YOU worthy of more ?

Stop stressing over what he wants and get yourself out of this toxic relationship.