Help me decode my date please.I'm perplexed!

[TheCatsPaperbag]

In brief, meet a guy on OLD and chatted for a while. Decided to meet up. He booked a venue. I was surprised at how romantic it was (but I'm not sure he knew that before hand). Anyway we had a couple of drinks, lots in common, good laugh etc. However throughout the whole evening I got absolutley no indication in body language, behaviour or words that he liked me, which was fine, he's a nice guy and we would probably get in as friends anyway, but i had no idea what he thought at all. I received a message asking if ì was home safe telling me he really likes me which surprised me, but thought first meeting so he was shy.
Go out again. Dinner and then a bar- exactly the same story. It's like a blank slate in front of you.
I have genuinely never met a man who I could detect no body language or anything from its impossible to know what's happenening. Has any one else come across this?
He did kiss me briefly when we went our separate ways at the end of the second night and once again I received a long message about how much he likes me etc etc but I don't know how to act in this situation. It's possible he's shy and scared of what to do, I think he might also potentially worried about scaring me off, but I don't know how to react.

It's worth saying I vere towards sapio anyway so knowing someone's mind is the thing that attracts me most, but not if they display no visible signs of interest there has to be that there too obviously.

Thoughts?
Anyone Else experienced?
Is he just odd?
What should I do?

Sorry that's so long.

Sounds like he is being a gent, and acting respectfully. He will know OLD has a reputation for attracting a pool of Olly the Octopus sorts who lunge at the first glance. He sounds like he is showing you that is not him. So it is a refreshing change to read that you have met a decent person, as some accounts on this forum make me shudder. I suggest not analysing this. Go with the flow and enjoy dates together. See how it goes and understand that he would not spare his time and money on dates with someone he wasn't attracted to.

What would you like from him that you're not getting? Is any of it something you'd be prepared to initiate? What signs/nudges/flirting have you done to give him a clue that you like him?

Shyness is a good possibility, however it could be mutual difficulty reading each others behaviour or a bit of both which would probably describe me. Sometimes I try and deal with some mixture of both by just asking to kiss or hold a hand, so its less awkward if I got it all wrong and hopeful that after that she'll be more confident if it is just a misunderstanding.

For me at least, there wouldn't even be a second date if I wasn't interested and optimistic there'd be more dates unless something surprising and unexpected happened or got said

My first thought is that he is shy ....however this could mean one of two things. He's a gentleman and lovely. Or he is horribly insecure, which won't be lovely.

Just to clarify: You describe your first date as you getting on really well, laughing, you sound like you click because lots in common. Later you describe him as a blank slate. I know you're talking about body language, but these two descriptions bring up different pictures for me. In the first one, there would just naturally be body language happening. So what was that first experience really like? How is he a blank slate?

I've had MANY weird dating experiences, so I'm just trying to understand, because I don't want to make an assumption purely based on my own stuff.

@Firefly2009 in clarification in both occasions we chatted, commonalities, laughter, etc. He's definitely not as silly and zany as me. So a bit lower key but was fully engaged flowing chat all the time. But still despite this the words there were none of the normal body language things you get, facial expressions, arm touches, leaning, head tilting, that kind of thing. Normal 'sparky' behaviour and I suppose a bit of ' banter' for want of a better word .@spookehtooth I am definitely naturally flirty but was ensuring I was slightly more so- didn't want to terrify the man so not reading as i want at all sure what he thought of me). It was chilly when we came out so I snuggled up to his arm- a definite move. Its just strange as he keeps messaging how in awe of me he is and how much he loves seeing me( weird?) But I can't see it. I'll give it one more go and we'll see ill ask him nicely if poss otherwise it's definitely be a friends thing as we live close and have masses in common.

How many messages is he sending you and are they flowery in their wording? If it's anything that's a bit over the top, coupled with the behaviour you describe in person, then you're dealing with insecurity, and not in a good way.

My last bf was like this and I've been on dates like that too. They compensate for insecurity by being over the top in other ways. Lots of compliments, lots of texts. Nothing to your face though.
What he's looking for is for you to confirm you're definitely interested, and then he'll start being more confident in person. Please don't do that.

Nah I don’t think it’s about being a gent, even a chivalrous kind of man would still show you he’s attracted to you and interested in you when he’s with you, you should feel chemistry even if he wants to go slow

There has to be a spark. If there isn’t, going by what you've described, then it's better to move on.

Thanks everyone. I agree and think insecurity and shyness. I thinkhe's got a lot going for him as a person but I'm not there to sort out issues. I've been dealing with my own over the past while.
Is just something I've never experienced with any man, even bin Romantically I suppose so baffled. If there's a next time I'm going to suggest something a bit out there- a mad activity ( suggestions welcome) where it doesn't matter if you make a bit of a twit if yourself and that week confirm it I think.
Thank you everyone xx

Would you feel excited and pleased if he asked you out again?

Ice skating
Paintballing
Ceroc
Silent disco
Normal disco / clubbing
Fairground
Comedy club

But only do it if you think you will enjoy it. Not if you're thinking of definitely friend-zoning him.

The trouble with these 'shy nice guys' is they make you do all the work and get you doing a little dance to 'bring them out of their shell' or 'try new things' or 'open up'.

Never chase a guy to get a relationship to progress, no matter how nice he seems. If he's really into you, he'll make the effort himself.

But he kissed you? So he made a move? What was that like, chemistry?

I had one like this and he did come out of his shell but as another poster said I realised I was doing all the work.

Don't start a relationship with someone who perplexes you from the off. Compatible people 'get' each other.

A date like that would be by first and last date. I've had zero chemistry on a date and it's surprised when a man has wanted to see me again but that's probably because I wasn't feeling it.

You seem to be placing quite a lot of emphasis on body language versus other ways of communicating. You conversed well on the dates itself, he kissed you on the second date and his post-date messages couldn't be clearer so I would say he's communicating as well as can be expected at this point.

I've known a few people who don't really "do" body language. They're very calm and unexcitable and their facial expressions don't change much. Doesn't mean they don't feel things, they just don't externalise them. I have a friend like this who once sighed that she didn't understand why people got so excited about things all the time (we were passing an ice-skating rink I think). You'd never be able to read her by looking at her but she always says what she means and feels in messages.

However if that sort of person isn't for you and if you'd just feel frustrated trying to be in a relationship with them, you don't need to force it. If there's no chemistry there's no chemistry. But I don't think he's weird or anything.

Psychopath possibly he can't mirror you to show his interest with body language
Ide be very wary
First time I've ever said this as well on here

Body language is unconscious

My DH was like that when we first met. I definitely did all the running but once he was relaxed with me he opened up a lot. He is just a reserved sort of man who would never want to be viewed as pushy. He is still pretty reserved even after 38 years of marriage and he doesn't always let his feelings be known. He came from a very repressed family and finds this difficult but I can now read him like a book. It works for us because our personalities balance each other out. Give him another chance OP and see how you get on. He may surprise you.

Body language is mostly unconscious, but some people learn to hide it (or mimic it.)

They can I agree
But if they need to that's a red flag I think

Are you always this dramatic? A second-hand account of a pleasant but unremarkable date and you're leaping to an armchair diagnosis of psychopathy?

I don't know - when I went on a first date with my dp, he barely gave me eye contact the whole meal but we had been chatting for long enough that I was pretty sure it was just nerves. He asked to kiss me at the end of the date though and gradually got more confident until on the third date we couldn't keep our hands off each other.

He says he was just really nervous because he liked me so much.

I would suggest your date is the same but if it's not working for you then it's ok to not date him any more.

What does he do for a living? Only asking as some jobs can make you appear quite guarded.

Not dramatic no
I commented and that's all really
I can however speak from experience and training