I'm disappointed in him

[ChimneySweepLiverpool]

It's my first time posting so try be kind, please.

I have been seeing a man and I am feeling disappointed by his actions, as I consider them selfish but I want to see what others think too. My friends have quite biased opinions.

He told me he would be having a very difficult work week and I have sent texts saying I'm thinking of him etc. I knew we wouldn't be seeing each other this week and I know he is stressed BUT I have a family member who is ill and having surgery today. I saw him Sunday, told him I was dreading this week and also made sure I was very supportive of his stress levels too.

Today I texted this morning to say 'I hope your week is going well and you're not too stressed' and he replied 'I'm ok, don't worry. Hope you're ok too'. I sent him a message saying I was fine and trying to fill him in on what's happening but he hasn't replied. We normally message all the time but it's like when I need him he goes blank (this happened before too). Instead of concentrating on what's happening in my family I find I'm checking my phone every minute looking for his support. I've been there for him through many things and I expect the same.

I know if I say anything, he will just say how busy he is but I really want to just scream or block!

How long have you been seeing each other?

2 years almost since we met but we broke up for nine months or so in the middle due to his work travels

When you see him and spend time with him, how does he make you feel?

He shows by his actions how little of a priority you actually are. Ok, so you aren’t seeing each other this week, that doesn’t mean it’s impossible to be supportive for the little time it takes to send a message. He just chooses not to.

Sometimes good but he's very 'into' his work and I do more for him than he does for me. Today I feel pathetic that I'm waiting for texts like a teen!

Tell us more about how it is when you spend time together. How does he make you feel?

Well, there's your answer then.

You don't get what you need out of this relationship.

I wouldn't continue, because either you have to suppress your needs and accept what little he's willing to offer - which is no good for you - or he has to change into a more supportive person, which is unlikely and even less likely to stick.

When I question him on this stuff he seems to act like I'm overreacting so I genuinely think I've lost the measure of 'am I asking too much?'. I want to be able to be the easy, breezy girlfriend but I expected texts, calls, whatever today!

I’m still not getting how he makes you feel.? Tell us how being with him impacts your life. From long experience that is the only thing that matters.

When I saw him Sunday he said 'I only remembered this morning we said we were meeting' and I joked 'oh that makes me feel very special.....'. He simply replied that he had a busy week.

Yes, stop being you, stop having emotional needs, stop having expectations, support should only flow in one direction from you to him, be a happy little robot girlfriend that asks for nothing.

Or you know, raise your bar a bit higher.

It’s fairly obvious this is an AI training thread folks. So boring. Fail, OP.

This seems pretty unfair. I've clearly said I'm finding today hard, was just looking for some compassion from Mumsnet

On the money as usual @category12

You are on a training programme OP, but you don't know it, to expect or ask for anything.
He's not interested in meeting any expectation of yours.

He's a selfish arse and you absolutely need to raise your low bar.

2 years you are with someone who really doesn't care about you or your life very much.

I suggest you start listening to your gut that it is screaming at you to block.

He's a self absorbed arsehole and you will bitterly regret wasting more time with him.

You are clearly not the ONE for him, but a good enough for now girlfriend and you are wasting YOUR time.

You absolutely deserve better.

Ah ok, my bad. Tell us how you feel OP. What’s going through your head right now?

Would just like him to apologise and realise this is the time when someone shows their true colours, when you need them most.

Can you describe how he makes you feel valued as a partner? What weird little things does he do that makes you feel like he gets you? Cos he doesn’t sound great

This surgery with your family member, was it on the cards before knowledge of his 'busy work week' coming up. Just wondering how much is accidental clash, versus an avoidant man who makes sure he's unavailable whenever support might be required?

After two years (minus nine months) how do you really feel inside about him? What TV programmes or films do you laugh at together?

You're a placeholder. The sooner you accept this and move on, the better.

I dated a man like this for 5 years hanging around and going backwards and forwards and never wanting to commit and I always felt like there was something missing but couldn't exactly put my finger on it but i now know he was extremely emotionally unavailable. It sounds scarily familiar. Down to the "i forgot we were meeting today". Always too "busy". He also moved abroad for work for 6 months. I've just posted a thread about my situation and how I've been strung along for years. Don't be like me x

What age are you op, you mentioned you are not a teen ?

Has there been no talk of living togethe after 2 years ?

This is not any kind of a relationship OP. You really are chasing after crumbs and trying to be ‘easy breezy’ about it as you desperately wait for some sign that he gives a shit at all.

Honestly, end it. It’s sapping and undermining you. Relationships should make your life so much better, should make you feel supported and secure and loved and wanted.

Your posts seem totally devoid of any emotion OP which seems like either you’ve switched off or that you expect very little from this man.

Either way it’s not a healthy relationship of equal partners. He’s cold and disinterested so why do you think that being easy breezy is the way to deal with him? Tell
him exactly how you feel though I pretty much guarantee he won’t care.

He's not that into you, sorry 😞