Coldness

[Nevereat]

In your experience, what is sudden coldness a sign of? DH was never the most affectionate or demonstrative but one day he suddenly went completely cold. It has continued basically to this day, with a very brief time when he acted less cold, but I could still sense the coldness underneath, the warmth didn’t feel real.

It’s mainly a sense that he doesn’t really care about me - there’s no real compassion or care there, even when I’m really upset, or even hurt.

Would be interested to hear other people’s experiences of this?

Depression can manifest itself that way. Preoccupation and lack of interest in others. Cheating can show itself through coldness too.

Cheating.... Stress .. depression...porn.
Many things

Not depression I don’t think. I mean, his mood has varied over time but he’s not depressed.

The coldness has been consistent over quite a long period of time.

Cheating or abuse.

Or perhaps having found something our that changes their view of you (eg: discovering you cheated years ago but knowing if they bring ut up it'll end the relationship).

I mean it could be porn addiction or depression but...you'd think those things wouldn't just be a sudden switch in behaviour overnight.

...finding out he has a terminal illness?

Who knows really.

Why don't you just ask him.what his deal is. He's your husband. Ask him whats up and be like 'no seriously you need to tell me honestly because otherwise this marriage is in danger because I'm not willing to live this way'.

Be blunt. If he won't tell you and work to fix it then it's time to leave him.

@Pinkbonbon yes.. definitely could be abuse.. stonewalling etc.
My ex was into porn..i found he did change literally overnight when his use escalated xxc

Ask him OP. XX

My experience with an ex:

Depression

Addiction (alcohol)

Cheating

Sorry it looks like this guy is a dud too.

But yeah don't spend your life with a cold person. It's far too valuable to waste like that.

Confront the issue and if he galights you about it or isn't interested in being honest and doing what needs done to address it, get straight down to your solicitors.

We're not rehab centres for damaged men.

Affair

*gaslights

In my experience, an affair

Cheating.

I've seen it happen to me. He just actually went off me and it's because there was someone else.

Thank you. Cheating has been what I’ve suspected - I don’t know how else to explain it - but whenever I’ve asked him about this it has been denied.

The thing that really gets me is how he can seem to just not care at all, after years of caring so much, getting married, kids etc. I don’t feel like I could ever be so cold to him.

I’m sorry OP this sounds awful to live with. Agree with PP that you ask why he has checked out emotionally.
And be prepared for it to be the end.
Because it’s best for it to be now than spend any more years not being or feeling loved by your partner.
Good luck and big hug 💐

Fuck knows. I hate it

This would be a dealbreaker for me
He could easily communicate but he chooses not to.

You need to bluntly ask him. Don't let it drag on.

My ex was like that when he was cheating, I'm afraid. Totally checked out but didn't actually want to leave.

Depression or his mind is elsewhere.

some people use this as a way of getting you to end the relationship as they don’t have the bollocks to do it.

If you suspect an affair there is absolutely no point in asking him. Why on earth would he admit it?

Meanwhile, if you really feel it could be a possibility then keep your ear to the ground and be alert.

Is he glued to and very protective of his 'phone?

Is he working longer hours?

Popping out for odd errands?

Suddenly taking more care over his appearance?

Alternatively you could not bother with any investigation and end the marriage because he's being so unpleasant

Ditto. It was only a short period of time for me as I confronted him about it. He said he didn't know what was wrong, just that he wasn't happy and then I discovered his affair a couple of weeks later. Those couple of weeks of coldness were worse than any other period over that time to be honest as I didn't know why he was being so cruel.

Ditto on not having bollocks to end it

Thanks everyone… sorry for those who’ve been through similar. I just can’t my head around him not caring for me… I feel that I would always care about him, even if I had feelings for someone else.

I guess maybe the coldness is what’s needed to go through with it (affair or just exiting the marriage). I have seen no evidence that he is having an affair fwiw. Maybe just has a crush on someone…

Maybe he feels you somehow wronged him in the recent past but doesn't want to discus it?