What would be your view of a woman knowingly being with a domestically abusive partner?

[ChickenAndRice3]

Context is.
My ex is in a new relationship. He was found to be domestically abusive against me and our daughter and currently only has supervised contact in a contact centre.
I have been made aware by a professional that his new partner is aware of some of the circumstances as to why he is having supervised contact and supports him.
For further context, ALL of ex's relationships have been domestically abusive..
I am only concerned about this now as ex has now put forward his new partner as a potential contact supervisor to be assessed by the family court/CAFCASS.
I have been made aware she is aware of his background and some of the concerns from CAFCASS.
How would you feel about this information?

You seriously need to get your facts straight before posting such utter nonsense.
You have absolutely NO IDEA about the circumstances that has led to him having supervised contact and why no court professional in over three years has suggested an increase or change to contact.
Please get back in your box with this your child needs its dads nonsense when you have no clue at all about a father who has been domestically abusive to SAID child,

and there we have it, this is not about your original question... you are angry that the contact agreement is being re-visited! every child has a right to knows both its mum and its dad.

Do you know what domestic abuse is?

The child has a right to be safeguarded from harm.

Thats why contact is supervised.

That means making sure anyone supervising contact is suitable to do so.

You are obviously an advocate of domestically abusive fathers having unsafe contact with their children. My problem is with unsafe contact facilitation.

@susanu67 your responses are very concerning. A child who has been experienced domestic violence directly or indirectly needs to be protected in the long term from the abuser. In the perfect world, every child would have positive relationships with both parents. It's extremely difficult where one parent is an abuser.

Personally, I think it's a form of abuse to make a child spend time with a parent who has been violent to the child, or in the child's presence. You're just setting that child up for a life in which she/he believes that violence is normal.

The abuse wasn't just limited to the mother, the child (our DD) suffered physically and emotionally.

I would feel sorry for her because I would suspect that she has some kind of trauma or similar in her past that means that she feels ok with continuing the relationship with him after he's made these disclosures to her.
I would also feel sorry for her for the likelihood of what's to come in her future.

I would feel that she was wholly unsuitable as a contact supervisor with my DC for the reasons above and that she would, almost by definition of the relationship, be biased in favour of the ex and therefore not able to put the children's needs first and safeguard them appropriately, so I would strongly oppose it for this reason.

thats your opinion. what about the child? does the child want to see its dad? we dont know we are not there? are the visits happy visits? we do not know we are not there? we know nothing about this case, nothing about the circumstances or the situation. all we know is the child currently has supervised contact with its dad, as deened fit by the courts, so we know for a fact that the child is safe. everything else is just heresay. the op clearly isnt worried about this womans safety at the hands of her evil ex... shes very clearly upset that an application has been made to change the details of the contact visits. so no my responses are not concerning.. the only persons welfare i would be concerned about in all of this would be that of the child above anyone elses and sometimes (and i speak from experience) we might not like it, but whats good for the child is not always good for us.

what i will say is if the OP does not agree to the change, that she gets her social worker or legal team to make those protestations on her behalf, but the original post clearly was misleading somewhat dont you think?

I would assume that she is under the spell of an abusive arch manipulator, but just doesn't know it yet. So I would oppose any such proposals.

thats not what your post is about though it is? your post is that you were worried about the poor woman your ex was now in a relationship with. maybe re-word your post

My abusive ex is now in a new relationship. Our dc are adults though so no contact issues. None of them speak to him, and my youngest has been awarded a 15 year injunction protecting her from him (as have I)
I am pretty sure he is currently in the lovebombing stage of their relationship. He can be very charming and can present very well. I'm sure I am being painted the crazy ex who got him sent to prison.
She must know as he is currently out on licence. I worry about her a bit as I know how manipulative he can be, but I have to focus on my own safety. His behaviour towards other women is not my problem (my counseller reminds me)

I’d think she was a mug, or so desperate for male company/affection that she was prepared to accept any old shite.

I am asking in my opening post what peoples thoughts are and shared the wider context within that post. It is clear why I am asking. Whilst I do feel concerned for his partner, my priority is our daughters safety, nothing else.

I would object to suggestion of her being contact supervisor on the grounds that her prior knowledge of his abusive nature demonstrates that she has poor judgment, and that she is easily manipulated, and therefore she is an unsuitable person to have any safeguarding responsibilities for your child.

as for what I think about women who get involved with confirmed domestic abusers: well, a mixture of pity and contempt, to be honest, and I say that as a survivor of domestic abuse. I would certainly never consider such a woman to be a safe person to safeguard my child, or any child for that matter.

then the advise is simple... oppose the application! speak to your social worker, your CAFCAS people, your OIC in the police and your solicitor and put forward your argurment against why she should not be considered. but you can't just oppose it because she's his girlfriend and clearly supports his violent ways!

Yes I can. And yes I will.
My priority will always be our DD's safety, nothing else.

@susanu67 you have said repeatedly that the child should see the dad etc even though OP has explained tha the was violent to their DD. As for this woman being a contact supervisor, it's not weird that OP is concerned. This woman has chosen to stay with this man when he is a proven to have been violent. It's not a stretch to assume that she therefore does not believe that there is a problem. I also would be concerned about her, but at the end of the day, OP is only really concerned about her child. Sh wants to be sure that whoever supervises contact is 100% aware of the problems and will ensure that her ex is not in a position to hurt the child again.

Well, my mum´s cousin was with a wife beater. They luckily divorced and sometime later he hooked up with a lady who was a lawyer, pretty successful too. He was all charm when he wanted. He convinced her his ex was crazy, a liar, had set him up blah blah blah. She believed him. A year or so later she started appearing at work with black eyes, broken lip, broken collar bone (a secretary of her firm was a friend of cousin). She learned the hard way. Her job was on the line too. You can´t be advising clients and standing up before court to defend your clients beaten up black and blue. Some people fall for this shit. All-the-time. It seems it is her case too. But a leopard doesn´t change his spots, as the lady in your case will eventually find out.

I think it would be remiss of me as her parent if I wasn't worried.

@ChickenAndRice3
You say that she is being evaluated by a court appointed psychologist, so if there are safe guarding concerns they should be identified.

She is desperate to be loved and has a bit of an ego that means she believes she's the one who can fix and change him by loving him really really hard (been there, not with dv but other issues, so no judgement)

@ChickenAndRice3
To be fair, during the duration of your relationship you stsyed. Were you supportive of his violent ways. Obviously, you stayed long enough for your daughter to be damaged. Should a court conclude based upon your having stayed that you were supporting of his violent ways? The new partner seems on the surface to be not unlike you.

Hopefully, the psychologist will identify any potential safe guarding issues if they are present.

And also how can this woman be objective - if she raises concerns he'll gaslight or his the new dp

There is no way she can be objective. I subjected DD to his abuse by staying and not being brave enough to protect her until I left, I make no excuses for that - but this woman is more than likely to be the same. I can't risk it without at least fighting it. I have also been told that a Judge cannot make a court order to enforce a third party to supervise contact. I understand the legality is that a court order is made for me to make DD available for contact but anything else is subjective.

For fuck's sake, can people stop goading the Op and sticking the boot in?
Reading this, I couldn't give a fuck about the child seeing her father and it sounds best that she doesn't. I am not sure why violent partners are given any rights where their children are concerned.
I would go to the ends of the earth to avoid exposing my child to this monster.
As part of my role, I have made proactive disclosures under Claire's Law to women in relationships with abusers and got a variety of responses. The most memorable was, "Oh, I already knew about that." The woman in question was so matter of fact and "is that it?" about it. No judgement on her: she'd been detected as prey by a predator and the avoidance and appeasement behaviours were already hard-wired into her.
Let's stop fucking judging women and make these violent bastards the outcasts of society that they should be. They have no positive place in a child's life.
Unfortunately, the law says otherwise. So do several misogynists on here as well.