Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

I'm interested in your opinions... if your ex was saying this...

54 replies

Onehouratatime · 20/11/2023 19:39

If your ex was saying he wanted to talk to see if you could fix things after 2 months of you being blocked by him (no reason for this just blocked me when I was trying to talk through our issues) then you found out he was on not one but two dating apps.... would this bother you? How would you feel?

I knew about one dating app, my friend saw him on it and told me about it and then my other friend found him a few days later on another dating app also this is in the time period we are talking again... I get he is single but asking if we can try and see if we can fix things but it's head fucking that while doing that he's active on dating apps and want your opinions please

OP posts:
Original poster
Onehouratatime · 21/11/2023 13:09

Dery · 21/11/2023 10:41

@Onehouratatime: Why were you interested in getting back with someone who just blocked you for 2 months when you tried to discuss your relationship? Why did you imagine he was decent relationship material? You’re worth so much more. What did you learn about relationships growing up that made you think he might have been worth another try?

I had a very traumatic childhood growing up my parents relationship was awful still is but they have split now.

I feel my problem is low self esteem and I have 2 children who are disabled and I think starting again instead of fixing things would be impossible.

OP posts:
Original poster
Onehouratatime · 21/11/2023 13:13

EvenMoreFuriousVexation · 21/11/2023 09:23

we spoke on the phone Friday and I asked him to be accountable basically in his mistakes in our relationship and all of a sudden I was told I was picking on him? And maybe we should leave meeting the next day!

So basically...

  • He's been trying to get laid via dating apps and hasn't been able to
  • He dangled a carrot of reconciliation in front of you, hoping it would lead to a shag, preferably followed by an ongoing casual fuck buddy arrangement until he finds something better, followed by him going "but babe you know I said I wasn't ready to restart our relationship..."
  • You then made it clear that before getting down to bedroom stuff, he'd be required to do some emotional labour
  • He has now decided that's waaaaaaay too much effort just for a shag

Block this chancer and set your sights higher. Take some time for yourself alone, to think about what you really want from a relationship, and make a deal with yourself that you won't settle for less than what you need.

Basically yes.... but I don't wanna believe it. God in self esteem I am literally at all time low

OP posts:
Original poster
Onehouratatime · 21/11/2023 14:40

Feel like I'd just started to heal and gain clarity about everything and he popped up... he messaged and said he was sorry I was hurt by him but I haven't replied. He hasn't tried to message or contact me again....so much for the crawll back

OP posts:
Chelsea543 · 21/11/2023 15:05

This is what fuckboys do. They pop back every now and then to check you still want them and that the door is left slightly open. When they see that you are interested in talking/continuing a relationship/miss them etc they are done and will disappear again. Sometimes they try and get sex also, other times they just like the ego boost of knowing you’re on the back burner.

You need to buy the book “Mr Unavailable and the Fallback girl” - you are the fallback girl he goes back to when he’s having a dry spell.

I can guarantee as well he will block you again either after he’s slept with you or when the “relationship” becomes anything more than fun to him.

Also for reference I was in this situation and worked on my self esteem and worth - the book I said about helped too. I was also a single mum with two disabled kids and never thought I’d find anyone again, I’m now engaged with an amazing partner and baby so you can move on if you don’t settle for losers.

FloralAxilot288 · 21/11/2023 16:07

I would say no.
Obviously his side piece didn't work out, and now he wants to worm his way back.

Original poster
Onehouratatime · 22/11/2023 07:47

Thank you I'm going to get that book and I'm going to listen to that podcast today 🙌

It always baffles me how people can be so evil sometimes

OP posts:
Chelsea543 · 22/11/2023 08:38

Onehouratatime · 22/11/2023 07:47

Thank you I'm going to get that book and I'm going to listen to that podcast today 🙌

It always baffles me how people can be so evil sometimes

I know. It’s sad that some people are just total manipulators and they use innocent people like us as we would never dream of behaving that way to someone so fall for their lies. But it’s time to block him and build your self esteem. He’ll always want you back if you’re a confident woman who doesn’t want him - but the second you slip and say you’ll have him back he’ll disappear again.

Enjoy the podcast/book!

Original poster
Onehouratatime · 22/11/2023 10:30

@Chelsea543 thanks so much your right and I'm going to pop the podcast on now and listen while I clean my house...time to fix me again xxxx can I dm you? X

OP posts:
Chelsea543 · 22/11/2023 11:36

Sure! Let me know what you think of the podcast x

Original poster
Onehouratatime · 24/11/2023 16:11

Update for you all

I messaged him and called him out after finding out that he is one 2 dating apps not just the 1 he's actually on 2. When we discussed bumble he admitted he was on there, he said he hadn't spoken to anyone hadn't swiped right once and had no interest and had come off it before restarting contact with me.
I then get sent his tinder profile. So I sent him the screenshot I got and told him after our "open honest chats" he didn't feel it was right to tell me that he was on bumble and tinder instead he kept quiet about tinder because I obviously hadn't seen it yet.... his response he is sorry I am hurt but he didn't think it was relevant to tell me he signed up to tinder and claims he got rid of the apps just didn't delete the accounts (claims he didn't realise) I ignored him from Sunday to Thursday while I got over the hurt of seeing his tinder profile.. .I messaged him Thursday and said I've been taking some time to process the hurt and wanted to know how he is

He ignored me

Read

Online all the time ALL THE TIME but ignored me!

I'm so hurt. Why come back it you wernt going to put the effort in to fix us!?

OP posts:
NotLactoseFree · 24/11/2023 16:22

I messaged him Thursday and said I've been taking some time to process the hurt and wanted to know how he is

Why? Why this drama. He is not particularly interested in you. He's seeking sex and relationships elsewhere. He doesn't care that he has hurt you. Why on earth are you upset that he then hasn't responded to your message.

Please please just block and move on.

Original poster
Onehouratatime · 24/11/2023 16:29

I'm just struggling

Struggling to believe a man who only last week told me that he actually did love me Miss me and had plans on marrying me just doesn't care and how he could lie to me about all these things..

I'm just hurt and struggling he's now blanking me ti's all

OP posts:
CurlsnSunshinetime4tea · 24/11/2023 16:43

Keep poking the bear. Eventually he’ll show up, be in your pants in no time and leave you with either a bun in the oven or an std.
your friends will be pissed off that despite all the evidence you let him back into your life and they too will dump you.
You need spend time working on self respect not messaging this player.

SurprisedWithAHorse · 24/11/2023 16:48

I'd think he was a knob and be glad he's not my problem any more.

Or I'd act like it even if my feelings were more complicated than that, because that's what you're aiming for. Since clearly no good can come of this!

FiddleLeaf · 24/11/2023 16:48

The dating app is irrelevant. He blocked you for 2 months and is now horny.

Keep him blocked and move on happily with your life

Original poster
Onehouratatime · 24/11/2023 16:51

CurlsnSunshinetime4tea · 24/11/2023 16:43

Keep poking the bear. Eventually he’ll show up, be in your pants in no time and leave you with either a bun in the oven or an std.
your friends will be pissed off that despite all the evidence you let him back into your life and they too will dump you.
You need spend time working on self respect not messaging this player.

I agree with you. I hold myself too low clearly!! I know this just hard to stomach I'm being such a fool

OP posts:
Original poster
Onehouratatime · 24/11/2023 16:53

FiddleLeaf · 24/11/2023 16:48

The dating app is irrelevant. He blocked you for 2 months and is now horny.

Keep him blocked and move on happily with your life

Literally blocked me for nothing too I wasn't hounding him or harassing him nothing he had a tantrum and blocked me basically...

I won't message him again I'll jist leave him alone I feel like he wants me to block him so I'll leave him there. But I need to focus on me now xx

OP posts:
Needanewnamebeingwatched · 24/11/2023 16:54

Newnamehiwhodis · 20/11/2023 19:41

I would block him, and keep him blocked.
he’s finding out it’s not as easy to meet good women who are up for a shag as he’d thought, isn’t he? Too bad. Don’t get reeled back in.

Totally this

outragedvoyager · 24/11/2023 16:56

Jesus he blocked you for talking about relationship issues?. How insanely rude. Block him right back and never talk to the immature bastardo again.

CheekyHobson · 24/11/2023 16:58

Onehouratatime · 24/11/2023 16:29

I'm just struggling

Struggling to believe a man who only last week told me that he actually did love me Miss me and had plans on marrying me just doesn't care and how he could lie to me about all these things..

I'm just hurt and struggling he's now blanking me ti's all

It’s really hard to get your head around this. If you are an honest person, you can’t imagine lying so outrageously to someone and not being plagued by guilt.

But the reality is that some people really can and will say whatever they think will get them what they want right now with no real concern about whether they’re telling the truth.

Im not even sure that in their mind they see it as a lie, it’s just an extreme casualness about their words and a lack of commitment to being a person of their word. When he says he had “plans to marry you”, all that might mean is that he had some vague notion at some point that maybe marriage might happen somewhere off in the distant future. It doesn’t mean he’s genuinely thought seriously about it, or has begun saving for a ring, or is committed to being a good partner or working through issues. And he’s not really bothered if he suddenly changes his mind and thinks, “Nah, actually I don’t want to be tied down anyway.” Just no seriousness about what he says.

Like the saying goes, talk is cheap. You have to look at actions to see what a person is really invested in.

Pinkbonbon · 24/11/2023 17:04

Why on earth are you telling this person how he hurt you and in the same text, asking how he is?

I believe the youths of today call this 'being a simp'. Id just say - you're being a doormat.

I'd simply go 'OK, cool, never mind then, life's too short for your shit, byeeeeee'. The block him as soon as he reads it, before he can reply. Dont let him reply/read his reply. Block him on everything.

Normally I'd advise just blocking but I think you'll dwell on it less if you don't leave off on a ghosted note. Take back your power.

daisychain01 · 24/11/2023 17:17

Don't be in any way flattered. He's only got one person on his priority list and that's himself

delusional time waster, just ignore him.

caringcarer · 24/11/2023 18:03

He needs a shag.

Marshmallowtoastie · 24/11/2023 18:13

If my ex blocked me for two months, I wouldn’t be interested in getting back together. The dating apps would confirm that was the right decision if for some reason i needed the reassurance. But I wouldn’t need the reassurance. It literally would not cross my mind to entertain this person.