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Original poster

Why would a guy…

36 replies

Whywhywhyty · 20/11/2023 12:09

…pursue you for months
…buy you l gifts and jewellery he could barely afford
…make plans to move in with you
…book a holiday with you

then break up with you right before the holiday?

OP posts:
CubaLibre23 · 20/11/2023 12:11

Well he sounds like a financially incontinent love bomber.

And who knows wtf is going on with him ... There's probably a lot you don't know about.

Barbarella73 · 20/11/2023 13:04

Why does the reason matter? He broke up with you. That’s a fact, and ‘understanding’ him isn’t going to change what he did.

Put the focus on yourself, not him. You don’t need to understand why he did something to know that it’s not acceptable.

Original poster
Whywhywhyty · 20/11/2023 13:11

Just to add, there were no issues and no arguments. He changed overnight 🤷‍♀️ Bizarre.

OP posts:
Mari9999 · 20/11/2023 13:11

@Whywhywhyty
Perhaps he realized that he didn't care as much as he thought. You might just as easily ask "why did he do any of those things?"

From your brief statement, he sounds flaky. Don't waste your time trying to figure it out, just be glad that it ended with no unnecessary drama.

catsnhats11 · 20/11/2023 13:13

Got back together with an ex?

TheresaCrowd · 20/11/2023 13:15

Only he can tell you this I'm afraid.

This thread could into 1000 posts of 'ifs, buts, and maybes' but it's still not going to get you an answer.

What reason did he give?

Imperfectp3rf3ction · 20/11/2023 13:27

Found an easier or just newer target. Or back with a previous. Or possibly setting you up for a push pull manipulation. Whichever it is run from the red flags not at them.
In what Time frame did all this happen ?

Unfortunately for you sounds like love bombing and you were mrs right then. Fortunately for you it was probably a lucky escape.

Inthegrotto · 20/11/2023 13:30

My first thought was that an ex has come back on the scene.

Original poster
Whywhywhyty · 20/11/2023 13:43

A few months down the line, there doesn’t seem to be an any hint of an ex.

He tried to come back 1.5 months later.

Still no reason given. I think probably things became too fast and serious for him and he freaked out. All his own doing.

I don’t get it.

OP posts:
Imperfectp3rf3ction · 20/11/2023 13:48

Be careful very very careful. The fact you are trying to figure it out even after a short time is not a good sign neither is his come and go. Is this him coming back now or what situation are you in ?

TheWestfoldFell · 20/11/2023 13:52

Whywhywhyty · 20/11/2023 12:09

…pursue you for months
…buy you l gifts and jewellery he could barely afford
…make plans to move in with you
…book a holiday with you

then break up with you right before the holiday?

Some guys just like the thrill of the chase and get bored once they've caught their prey.
Sad but true 🫤

Whattodowithit88 · 20/11/2023 13:53

I know a guy who did that. Reason he didn’t go on holiday with her is because his girlfriend would notice if he left the country for a week!

He is a prolific liar and serial cheat. Honestly, you’d be amazed at what he gets away with, the second girlfriend, after he didn’t go on holiday with her for a made up reason he created, still stayed with him afterwards and then 4 months later found out he had a girlfriend who he was with for 14 months. She dumped him but his still with his original girlfriend even though the woman told her what he’d done.
Madness.

Chonkadoodle · 20/11/2023 14:00

Did his wife find out?

LimeOrangeLemon · 20/11/2023 14:02

Someone who likes the thrill of the chase more than the reality of a relationship.

Mari9999 · 20/11/2023 14:04

@Whywhywhyty
Does there have to be a reason? He may just act on impulse.

Doggymummar · 20/11/2023 14:05

I had one like this, some one told his wife about us. I didn't know he had a wife btw. We were on holiday in Vegas and she called our room. All hell was set loose.

CubaLibre23 · 20/11/2023 14:54

make plans to move in with you

Into your home?

Maybe he thought he'd need a place to stay.

Then maybe he no longer needed a place to stay.

I believe that's called hobo sexual - when your relationship choices are based on your need for accommodation.

The phrase "noone falls in love as fast as a man who needs somewhere to live" refers to the same.

CubaLibre23 · 20/11/2023 14:56

It sounds like there's a whole heap of shit going on with this guy you are not party to.

Anyway, buying you gifts he couldn't afford .... He's fiscally irresponsible, not sensible, a spendthrift.... Not exactly a good partner material trait.

CubaLibre23 · 20/11/2023 14:57

And yeah, part of that may be another woman/en.

GodDammitCecil · 20/11/2023 14:57

Anyone coming on that strong so early on is a massive red flag.

Next time, when a bloke is being so ridiculously over the top so early on, back away.

He will almost certainly do that himself when he gets you anyway, so if you do it first, you save yourself a whole lot of hurt.

Thisisworsethananticpated · 20/11/2023 16:35

think probably things became too fast and serious for him and he freaked out.

if there’s not another woman , you can probably trust your instincts on that one ?
he’s emotionally avoidant and a mess mess mess

Millions of these people exist
they want intimacy and then get freaked and run away when it becomes real

Opentooffers · 20/11/2023 16:50

Could be past abuse causing the hot and cold - lovebomb then run away. Did he mention anything in his childhood that could be considered abusive?
I've come across this a couple of times, you need to keep away from these types. It's sad that some people have past abuse, but it's not your problem to fix, it's theirs, so if broken still, keep clear.

UpUpUpU · 20/11/2023 16:51

Some people like the chase and then get immediately bored once they get what they want

swimsong · 20/11/2023 17:03

Whywhywhyty · 20/11/2023 13:11

Just to add, there were no issues and no arguments. He changed overnight 🤷‍♀️ Bizarre.

Likely one of his other irons in the fire got hot.

Bear in mind they watch youtube seminar videos now on how to use lovebombing & negging etc to gain control.

Sandalholidays12 · 20/11/2023 17:14

Married? How old is he? If he can let you down like that I would just forget about him!