Why would a guy…

[Whywhywhyty]

…pursue you for months
…buy you l gifts and jewellery he could barely afford
…make plans to move in with you
…book a holiday with you

then break up with you right before the holiday?

He’s in his 40s
Divorced for a number of years
yes there was some abuse in his childhood

Thanks for all the comments

Obviously I’d never go back to him

When he tried to come back, I showed him the door

I just don’t understand why someone would behave this way

Utterly bonkers

Future-faker and mindfucker.

If you had taken him back, you'd have been in for more of the same - it's like a massive test of how much shit you will shovel.

Not saying it's explicitly thought out in that way, but it tends to be a pattern of behaviour. Blast hot, sweep you off your feet, dump you on your arse and vanish, then reappear to see if they can reel you back in again.

As others have said, you don't need to understand. You roll your eyes, think "what a prick" and move on.

Tbh though, I would see red flags in someone wanting to move in with me and buying me gifts they could barely afford. That would have scared me off!

Massive spanner, put him in the bin and keep the presents 😃🙊

As others have said, you don't need to understand. You roll your eyes, think "what a prick" and move on

its easy to say that
but it totally normal to want answers !
some closure

my bets on him being an emotionally unavailable mess up

I would bet my salary there's another woman. Either she's been there all along or has suddenly become available.

Sometimes people do just lose interest or realise you're not the one for them.

There definitely wasn’t another woman. I won’t go into how I know, but I know…

it’s just such odd behaviour.

You're right. It is normal to want answers and closure.

The problem is that no one here can give that. All anyone here can do is speculate hence my bets on him being an emotionally unavailable mess up

Maybe he's emotionally unavailable; maybe there was another woman, maybe it was something else entirely.

Some of the speculation will make the OP feel better and some will make her feel worse. In the end, all she can do is move on.

it’s just such odd behaviour.

It is, OP. It's also something only he can answer and he's not going to. All you can do is stop yourself when you catch yourself ruminating and move on.

Some of the speculation will make the OP feel better and some will make her feel worse. In the end, all she can do is move on

this is also true !

All break ups hurt , it’s a universal pain

I think as time passes Op you will feel better and also some things and thoughts about his behaviour will pop up, and you will start to see some of the clues

he might also pop back again

Sounds like it all happened too quickly, how could anyone say they want to move in with you or even holiday with you after knowing you a few months, he may of had good intentions through immaturity but realised once getting to know you, you weren't so compatible or he's a ruthless liar that says anything for a quick fling and had no intentions of relationship. All you can do is move on from him and be wary about thing's moving faster than it feels natural.