How did you decide if you prefer single life or being in a relationship?

[Magimixdeluxe]

How did you decide for certain if you were a relationship type person?

From my own personal life experience I've never really been interested in dating and much preferred my own company. I have had 1 or 2 short term relationships which started out as friends but tbh I think being single is what feels natural and best for me.

Maybe I haven't met the right man but I'm at the stage where I think relationships are hard work and don't bring anything but headaches lol.

I am 41 now and can't see my view on this changing.

I think it’s best to not overthink it

only romantic relationships receive so much attention and thought 💭
it’s funny isn’t it

its like I’m a mum , daughter , sister and friend

and yet when I’m dating the relationship and the issues are so fraught and consuming

I feel the same as you, I’m leaning more towards staying single and potentially being single for the rest of my life. But I feel like I’m at a crossroads, is it that I haven’t met the right person yet. Or do I need to pay attention to why I feel bored, uncomfortable and annoyed on dates. Or why the thought of men and dealing with a man repulses me 😬

Did you enjoy your relationships? Did you have out of this world sex and experience multiple orgasms? Have you ever felt utterly connected to another human being in a primal sexual and intimate way at any time in your life? Not every relationship ends in love, marriage and children. Life is for living and every stage has its highs and lows. I’ve been married over 20 years now and honestly I can’t see myself ever living with anyone ever again but I’m not a closed book either so I would never say never and I don’t regret any of my past relationships good and bad.

I’m at a cross roads.
Been in a very very long term relationship, not married. Don’t live together.

Have had extended periods in my life when I’ve been very happily single but life seems to revolve around coupledom I think.

Im always glad to shut my front door and enjoy the time on my own but I also enjoy the companionship and laughs when we’re together. We’re good mates.

Sometimes I think I’d be happier being on my own full time especially when he’s pissed me off. I get so close to finishing with him.

I like my own company, don’t miss him when I’m alone but it’s so hard to pull the plug. Am I naturally a singleton? I just don’t know because I’ve experienced both aspects.

I always felt comfier single. A relationship just took up headspace and I couldn't plan my life without considering someone else. I had a handful of short relationships, which I always ended because I found them too much work. The men were perfectly decent, but I couldn't be bothered with them.

Then there was my now husband. He and I just fit. It wasn't ever a bother thinking about him, and fitting him in, because I wanted to do it. He's absolutely perfect for me, and he makes life so much easier than it would be without him. It's like having two of me. He isn't hard work, we never argue, and we are a team.

Basically, I'm fussy. I'm happy with my own company, so I don't need someone as such. So in order to be in a relationship the man has to be absolutely phenomenal. I think this is actually very limiting, as it's normal to have to compromise on some things in a relationship. If I hadn't got lucky and met my husband I would definitely be single, and I'd be perfectly content. But being with my husband makes life incomparably wonderful.

I prefer being in a relationship I’ve been single for 6 years and do miss having someone.

Damn, posted too soon!

I was also going to say that I guess for some people, it really depends on the person they're with.
Many people enjoy being coupled up just for the companionship benefits, even if the other person is not totally perfect, and that's fine. Other people don't need the companionship in the same way, so are happier single unless they're with someone genuinely illuminating.
And I guess some people are always happier single. And that's fine too.

Maybe it doesn't matter which you are, OP. Just keep your mind open to considering people you meet, and if it happens it happens.

I can go either way on it. Like JammieJem, if it's not a phenomenal partnership it's not worth my time.

I spent most of my mid to late thirties single. I had plenty of opportunities as I'm not unattractive but the idea of it was beyond exhausting. I've got loads of friends and I love my own company so it wasn't a chore to be single.

If I hadn't met my current partner, I'd have happily been single all through my forties too.

I think whatever that thing is that makes people deeply inclined towards being in a couple is missing with me. Either that or I love time alone so much that it literally doesn't bother me so I have all the time I need to wait for someone amazing. Either way I wouldn't change anything.

Being married twice taught me that being single was better for me. To be honest I get bored of being with the same person after a few years. I like variety and meeting new people and relationships restrict me. The thought of wiping someone’s arse in later life if they can’t just doesn’t appeal to me in the slightest.

I let the universe sort it out for me. I was single on and off, had a lot of quite short relationships and didn't feel a 'relationship type' til my early thirties. Then met the love of my life husband. I'm now widowed and single again, and it's pretty enjoyable, but if the universe presents me with someone great as a companion, I'm not going to turn it down. I respond to what's on offer, I think, rather than decide in advance if I'm into relationships or not. Being single for quite long time-period and feeling like you can date but are choosing not to are also keys to happiness with this I think.

It wasn't really something I decided. I just didn't seem to attract men (or women) but I wasn't going to let being single stop me doing things. I have a friend who thinks I am utterly amazing for having been travelling or going on holiday alone; another won't drive at night and always gets her husband to do it, or won't go; and friends who won't in restaurants or go to the cinema or whatever alone. I'm not restricting my life that much. There is someone currently on the horizon, but I don't know if it will come to anything. I think we could enhance each other's lives, and certainly the sex is fantastic. But we're both busy, so who knows.

Child free unmarried women in their 40s are among the happiest and healthiest demographic (unless not by choice)

Of all my sisters and my friends I was the only one really not bothered about marrying or having children. I relocated for University and then work and knew no one so to meet people tried loads of different sports, crafts, and dancing classes. I worked in higher education and there was always the pub, quiz nights and stuff to do. It was really a fab time. Then this tall new researcher turned up all bright eyed and bushy tailed who was a massive fun loving nerd like myself and to the utter surprise of everyone and more so myself we ended up marrying. Together for close to 30 years now. It’s a meeting of minds and I feel very lucky.

I figured out after 2 marriages than I can't stand all the giving, catering , centering, burden, and extra work being in a relationship involves.

When it comes down to it men contribute almost nothing to a relationship but all too happy to use up my time and resources.

I haven’t decided yet.

I’m currently enjoying single life. Just like I was enjoying coupled-up life previously.

It’s quite liberating being single because it suits me right now rather than single because nobody’ll have me

If things change and I meet someone I really click with, I’ll re-evaluate.

I don't think it is necessarily something you have to decide once and for all. I was happily married for a time, then single but looking, then coupled up again and then resolutely single for several years. Only now am I thinking it might be nice to have someone again.

Saying that, I'm pretty sure I won't ever want to live with someone and do like my own company so for me I think the decision can change as you move through your life.

I feel that the right relationship where you truly accept, respect and support each other can be great. You need two emotionally mature adults that also get in well. Very very rare Imo.

When it comes down to it men contribute almost nothing to a relationship but all too happy to use up my time and resources.

Our patriarcal society has a lot to answer there.
It influences both men and women answers (men into expecting everything and women to be used to giving, be nice etc….) and lead to very unbalanced relationships.

Not all of them are like this. And some if us find a balance within that system. But I think it’s grating in women more and more and getting less and less accepted.

Trying both.

I just know I would be 100% happy with being single and getting on with living life to the full and on my terms, if it weren’t for my closing fertility window. I envy women who are past the motherhood stage (either childfree or with grown up DC) who can truly decide whether or not to be in a relationship.

Mid-30s is the hardest time to be single, unless you’re sure you don’t want babies (I’m not).

@Sticktoslimmingworld No I can't say I enjoyed them one bit. Only regrets I have is wasting so much time looking for a relationship when I was already happy on my own.

I don't think I am the sort of person that enjoys being with people for long periods of time. I don't know I just find most people bloody infuriating 😂

@WakingCliche I think the best things in life happen when you don't actively look but remain open.

I could never imagine being with the same person for 10 years never mind 30 but good luck to you 🙂

@Lotyt I feel that way myself. I've always felt stifled in relationships and generally just exhausted by them.

@TheHawkisHowling How did you meet your current partner out of interest?

I think I must be 'missing' part of the jigsaw piece where I feel the inclination of being partnered too.

ive been single , been in a miserable relationship and been in a happy relationship for 20 years. I will be honest I really didn’t enjoy being single, although that might have been because I was a lone parent.