I have a close friend of 8 years. We met at work when we had both ended long term relationships. He had cheated on her, so she took her anger and turned it into this amazing life for herself. Went travelling for a year, worked hard to get to senior management, bought her first flat in London, started weight training and was a vocal feminist reading everything she could on the topic.
The only thing that hadn't worked out for her was dating - she was working through it in therapy. She got to 40 and accepted it might not happen for her, but made her peace with it. And sods law, she then met a man off the apps and this is where everything gets weird. He is Spanish, also 40 and had just moved to London as a freelance creative. Seemed (and still seems) very nice, polite, charming and attentive to her. She was absolutely smitten and thought they were soulmates. He was renting so moved into her place within 4 months.
A few months later, she told me that he was struggling to find permanent work in London but had been offered a great role in Canada so they were both going to move. She quit her job, found another in Canada, rented out her flat, and also got her work visa sorted. His visa application was denied. So they moved back to Spain, to the small town he was from while they decided next steps. He doesn't own a place in Spain so they moved in with his parents...She told me their plan was to go travelling for some time. So they went only a few weeks to Portugal, and he then found a job in the Canary Islands - so they moved there. Now she works in Tech so this is a dead end place for her career, also she speaks no Spanish, and it was the first time I expressed some concern over what she was doing. But she told me she'd always fancied living somewhere sunny with a beach and chilled out so I figured it was a nice change of pace for her. She decided to re-train as a life coach. Then very suddenly on social media (2 months ago) she announced they were married, and told me it was so she could work in Spain.
She has now told me they have moved to Madrid, as he got another job there...She has been out of work for a year now, and still re-training to be a career coach. So in the span of 18 months she met this man, and has gone from being a senior manager in a large tech co with her own home, living close to her family and friends, being the considerably higher earner in their relationship (she used to earn 3 times what he did) with enough income to travel, to being unemployed, following a man from place to place in a country where she doesn't speak the language, living in a different rental flat every few months with budget constraints on all the things she enjoyed. And married to a man for visa purposes which is crazy to me given she's now unemployed and doesn't have any decent career prospects where they've moved to! He is still freelance, and very junior so she uses her small rental profits from London to support them.
We've tried to talk to her but she insists this is all her decision and she's very happy with it. But I am concerned that he has manipulated the power dynamic to make her dependent on him, and to isolate her. Would you think the same or am I being unfair? Is there anyway I can help her without alienating her?