Should I text him or leave it?

[Jbrum]

So- I went on a date with a guy last Sunday. I thought we hit it off fairly well. He even asked me to stay about for longer and grab a drink after the date so I did, went super well.

Anyway, we messaged back and fourth after the date on Sunday and Monday. Then suddenly I just heard nothing off him since and we’re on Thursday now? Which is weird. I wanted to text him and say “hey you okay☺️” but I also don’t want to feel like I’m begging him to talk to me??

I actually really enjoyed the date and it was his idea to go on a second one after and then even go out for more drinks so it was so strange?? I don’t want to look like a complete beggar

Yeh I agree. I can deal with that then and just get on with it.

Im also in the dont text camp
just because I think you’ll regret it

but also to be fair he might be low energy and doesn’t have much to say

Just text him, you'll be fine either way Xx

Thanks. I did get a bit sad. Ex left me 2 and a bit months ago and now I can’t even get a text back haha. I used to model and can’t get a text back. What a joke I am xx

You're not a joke! Just text him- completely light hearted and how he's doing. If he ignores it then you know , but if he replies - he may have been playing it cool and waiting for you to text him! X

Tbh it’s weird he’d wait on me. I suppose I didn’t leave much to talk about. But all the way up to the date he texted nearly daily. So I guess it’s clear he just doesn’t have a vested interest and I’m being stupid and deluded x

@Jbrum you could have done it by now! You'll be ok Xx

OP, I think you need to work on your self-esteem before dating.

It's pretty recent to be out of a relationship, and saying things like the no pressure thing and this comment, makes me think you'll only find blokes who will exacerbate how down on yourself you are at the moment.

I'm sure you're a catch, and you need to believe it about yourself, otherwise you'll likely only attract the stinky fish.

I don’t think you should have said the don’t feel pressured part and that he doesn’t have to if he doesn’t want to. You’re selling yourself short!
I would leave it, especially as you sent the last reply and he could’ve replied to it or sent another text

Yeh I suppose

I'm gonna echo other posters and say that by saying 'don't feel pressured', you communicated 'I don't think I'm that great, so I understand if you don't want to see me again', which is absolutely the wrong way to approach it. I used to be exactly the same so I understand

By communicating that you're not the prize, you cast a shadow over the whole thing, and you show your hand (insecurity). This will at best (sometimes) put decent men off, cos you've lost the light/cheery vibe, and at worst communicate to abusers that you'll be easy to shit on and manipulate.

I also agree that you know if a man is interested. I never ever send another text to a man after he's ignored the first, and will die on that hill. I'd leave this one, and in future be a little more confident in terms of your worth - even if you have to fake it! Show a man you have high standards and he'll have to meet them!

Also spend a bit of time by yourself if your self esteem has taken a hit. You're in a space where you're in danger of looking for external validation which is not good when you're OLD because it's an absolute snake pit - so many awful people.

You deserve a lovely relationship but perhaps need more time xxx

OP I’d say that you’re very recently single and your comment to him about not feeling pressured into another date is saying you’re probably subconsciously not in the right place to start dating again yet.

Personally I think taking a bit of time out to be comfortable with yourself and building your confidence is the best thing right now.

This. And you said you didn't want to pressure him so he's taking you at your word.

My opinion is people are thinking way too deep on how men think. No decent man who genuinely likes you is going to be put off with a comment like that.

The likelihood is he's taken it exactly as you said, no pressure. Depending on what he's actually like that could mean he's just doing other stuff and no pressure or he's just not worth knowing.

I very much doubt there's anything wrong with you so don't think that, you don't have to watch how you communicate, look or act and become a prize for a man. That will attract the wrong types with the wrong intentions.

Just be yourself. A decent man will like you for who you are, if they don't, they ain't decent.

Nah leave this one, I’m sure he did enjoy the date and did like you. Maybe he did have intentions of a second date but after a few days either met someone else or perhaps just had second thoughts and maybe there wasn’t the spark there for him - none of that means there is anything wrong with you at all. We can be 95% perfect for someone and then in walks someone who is 96%.

Dont overthink it and don’t text him, chalk it up to experience and leave it be. You’ll feel much worse if you
message him and he doesn’t respond or he does but then ghosts you again!!!! You’ll regret just not leaving it

From my experience as a man. Generally I would go along with "if he wanted to he would", idea but that's guidelines not rules. However its more complicated than that for me. My starting position is a one/one ping pong of messages, so I don't look too keen as well.

It's also affected with where I am at with regards to previous dating experiences and how jaded I am from recent experience. I might have gone against my guidelines, put more effort in recently and felt it was wasted. I might be putting some effort in on two fronts, it is only date 1 after all, and be equally keen on both but hedging bets because its still very early. He sounded keen, but was it reciprocated and more importantly did he feel it? I can't answer that, and I doubt you can be sure, its just something I've experienced. Being keen in the moment, and feeling its cautiously reciprocated or not at all

In your position, if I was keen enough, I'd break my guidelines and send a message. However, longer term, I'd be looking for interest levels to balance out. I don't think its desperate to be keenest from time to time, desperate to me is consistently being the keenest and/or accepting other negative behaviours alongside it

I wouldn’t ever chase.
If he wants you, he’ll text you.
He’s the man let him do the running.

Given that the timing of the drop off coincided with the start of the work week, I'd be inclined not to overthink it because "busy" happens to us all. But as we're reaching the end of the week, I'd probably ask him if he has weekend plans. It's a good opportunity for him to say "I'm free Saturday, do you want to do something" or "I'm away at a wedding in Devon, let's catch up when I'm back". Or radio silence, always a possibility you can't rule out, but tbh I think it unlikely if it went that well last weekend.

I wouldn't text. I've had similar fabulous dates and they've disappeared into thin air. If he's interested he'll message you

This has just happened to me too.

It's baffling and even after one date, hurtful. I kind of miss him which is really daft.

But I wouldn't bother texting him. He's got other women to date and they're preoccupying him. Which is also fine.

He might pop up again in future which could be difficult for you because you might be delighted and forget that he ghosted you and he will do it again because that's who he is.

Can you go on another date with someone else? Sometimes we forget there are more men out there....

Don't gamble more than you can afford to lose.

If you like him, and it wouldn't crush you if you didn't get a response to his "hey u ok?" Then it's ok

If it would crush you to get no response better say nothing