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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Should I text him or leave it?

72 replies

Jbrum · 16/11/2023 19:40

So- I went on a date with a guy last Sunday. I thought we hit it off fairly well. He even asked me to stay about for longer and grab a drink after the date so I did, went super well.

Anyway, we messaged back and fourth after the date on Sunday and Monday. Then suddenly I just heard nothing off him since and we’re on Thursday now? Which is weird. I wanted to text him and say “hey you okay☺️” but I also don’t want to feel like I’m begging him to talk to me??

I actually really enjoyed the date and it was his idea to go on a second one after and then even go out for more drinks so it was so strange?? I don’t want to look like a complete beggar

OP posts:
nfkl · 16/11/2023 20:27

leave it
it s not what they say, it s what they do

daisychain01 · 16/11/2023 20:29

Jbrum · 16/11/2023 20:04

Exactly. But he was the one wanting to go on more dates. We went out after did. Talked about meeting again, also he even said he wanted to plan something over message. I said “yeah would be good as long as you sure. Don’t want you to feel pressured to having to go out again” he said it was nothing like that and would love to.

men make no sense

Men do make sense. They like all the fun stuff, thrill of the chase then get bored or already have a better offer or decide they don't want to continue with the contact after all. They are no different to women.

arethereanyleftatall · 16/11/2023 20:30

It isn't always another person. Tbf, I've had a few great dates in the past, and then when they text again, I realise and remember that I prefer being single. Nothing wrong with the person, just my preference. Took me a while to realise it though, so I guess I was like your guy whilst working it out- though I wouldn't ghost, I'd say why, but that could also be the reason.

Imperfectp3rf3ction · 16/11/2023 20:30

If your self esteem is at rock bottom keep out the dating stuffs until you're ready to accept no crap or sit there waiting for a message

daisychain01 · 16/11/2023 20:31

He's hardly ghosted the OP after 2 days! Maybe life has got in the way and he doesn't have headspace ro keep the pace going if he's busy with work etc

LBFseBrom · 16/11/2023 20:33

Don't contact him, leave the ball in his court. He may ring you, your date wasn't long ago after all, or he may not but you've lost nothing.

MadeForThis · 16/11/2023 20:42

Leave it. If he wants to meet up he will be in touch. Keep looking. There's lots more out there.

3sausagedogs · 16/11/2023 20:47

Leave it!! Don’t ever chase! If he wanted to he would! If he has a genuine reason for the lack of reply he will tell you so! Don’t put anyone on a pedestal after 1 date!!

category12 · 16/11/2023 20:50

Please don’t feel pressured though I would understand if you don’t want to

Gosh OP, never say this to anyone again, you might as well say "I'm a terrible worthless human being, please shit on me".

SunflowerTed · 16/11/2023 20:55

BethDuttonsTwin · 16/11/2023 20:08

This.

Show quote history

I agree. He’s trying out a few more ladies

Nelly10 · 16/11/2023 20:59

You need to be more confident that message would read like you don’t think you’re good enough for him to take you out again and you are!

don’t message him if he’s interested he will message if he does be more confident with responses.

Coconutter24 · 16/11/2023 21:13

I would be tempted to send 1 message and see if he replied or not. It’s not like 3 weeks have passed since the date and you’ve heard nothing it’s been 3 days. Looking at the conversation between you both there’s nothing to say the next move couldn’t come from you as he said “no don’t be silly I want to” and then you say he went radio silent…. Did you say anything after that or did he send that and you didn’t reply? If your wondering just send him a message if he replies with plans great if he doesn’t reply move on

MrsMarzetti · 16/11/2023 21:17

So he said "he would organise something when he is free" ? Bloody hell give him time he is obviously busy.

GentlemanJay · 16/11/2023 21:21

Don't die wandering. Text him.

Getitgirl · 16/11/2023 21:23

Op, you deserve to date someone you don’t need to write a mumsnet thread about.

if he wanted to he would. Happens to the best of us. Onwards!

Original poster
Jbrum · 16/11/2023 21:24

My thoughts. One try. If nothing. Delete and move on

OP posts:
Catsafterme · 16/11/2023 21:25

If I was interested in someone I would be talking and arranging things, I would talk even if I was busy and let them know.

I guess it depends on whether he has ghosted you or he is busy but, dunno I would have messaged at least.

ThickSkinnedSoWhat · 16/11/2023 21:27

Jbrum · 16/11/2023 20:16

I just meant I said after the date “would be great to see you again soon” he said “yeah I’d like that. I’ll organise something when I’m free” so I said “yeah cool. Would be great. Please don’t feel pressured though I would understand if you don’t want to”
his response was “no don’t be silly. I want to” then went radio silent😂

I'm confused because it sounds like he sent the last text here... if that's the case then stop silly game playing with 'understand if you don't want to' and sitting in silence just expecting him to chase you.

Original poster
Jbrum · 16/11/2023 21:30

I sent the last messages. I just said sorry for the late reply. My apologies. Works been stupid busy. He mentioned his sister was going abroad. I said ohh I thought that was last week?
those were my last messages

OP posts:
Wendysfriend · 16/11/2023 21:31

I would definitely text him, ask him straight out. He may be waiting for you to message. I don't know one single bloke who is aware of these messaging rules I read about on here.

You've nothing to loose

Original poster
Jbrum · 16/11/2023 21:33

Agreed. Then if nothing. I can just delete the number and move on.

OP posts:
DelphiniumBlue · 16/11/2023 21:42

He said "I’ll organise something when I’m free”.
You could contact him, in a "Shall we meet for coffee/exhibition after work on Tuesday/" kind of way, not a "I'm so upset you haven't called, it's been 3 days and I just want to know where I stand" kind of way.
Alternatively, you could let him do this in his own time. Maybe he's not free to meet up right now. Maybe he doesn't want to, who knows, but too soon to tell. But make other arrrangements for the next few days so that you're not tempted to agree to last minute booty type calls.

Showtime79 · 16/11/2023 21:45

I’d leave it. He has probably got a few irons in the fire as most men do on OLD.

strawberry2017 · 16/11/2023 21:49

One last text and then you know for sure.
Life's to short not to find out.

LightSpeeds · 16/11/2023 21:54

He's probably got other options and they're his priority right now. If they don't work out, he may well contact you again.

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