What’s going on ???

[theunderstudy]

My husband of 2 years is messaging the woman he had an affair with when he was married previously.
Back story is predictable he’s a Dr, she’s a nurse…. 10 years ago I get a job in the department they worked in. I hear the rumours about them (didn’t care what they were up to as I was going through a divorce). Fast forward 5 years he asks me out. After 1 year the “secret” was out we’d been seeing one another. 3 years ago she got divorced, becomes my line manager and my now husband gets a job elsewhere.
Sunday we had boarded our flight home and I clearly saw he was messaging her, I couldn’t see the content but saw her name. I was really taken aback I’d seen her name but kept silent for some reason.
I am now watching him smile when he’s reading messages, noticed that he’s quite secretive with his phone, has WhatsApp messages archived as I can see notifications.

I’m too afraid to snoop

Thoughts???

So she couldn’t bare to face you now that you know about their continued affair. Have you seen her by now?

@theunderstudy, I agree that you should inform HR. It is appalling that his affair partner is your line manager.

Kudos for asserting your self-respect and gumption and divorcing this
two-time adulterer. That he would abuse your trust, and put you in this position at work to boot, shows the kind of low person he really is.

I hope you are okay, @theunderstudy.

Got into work last night colleagues where saying poor is off sick with stress/anxiety issues.
Is there something wrong with me because I feel remarkably calm even though I’ve just blown my world up?

@theunderstudy sorry just getting ready for work but please remember it’s not you who has blown your world up, they have x

You poor thing. Thank God you've got your own house. Did he try to deny it when you confronted him?

What will you say to people at work now? I think I would've told them the reason why she was off.

Like I said, she can’t bear facing the music now that you know what devious snakes they both are. She lacks integrity and decency, and you’ve got the measure of her. I hope you are taking this to HR.

As for your calmness, perhaps it’s because you’re no longer in the dark and have rid yourself of a morally bankrupt loser. You’re winning, @theunderstudy.

If I were brave enough I would tell her at work and immediately tell him on the phone. But I'm not that brave so I not sure what you can do other to have 100 proof.
Agree with telling HR, that is a big conflict of interest, are you willing to move team? Will be a good steps for you not to have to see her face on daily bases. Not sure if she can be sack but they can move her as well to other place.

What a complete arse. He got married knowing he was continuing his affair? What’s wrong with him. I hope he’s miserable and fact she’s off sick and no doubt getting paid is a joke. I’d be tempted to tell people you’re getting a divorce as your husband is having an affair. You don’t need to name names, let them make their own conclusions

This is a matter for HR. You can not work with this woman in a supervisory role. Please do not leave this as it could come back to bite you later on.

What a revolting pair!!! They absolutely deserve each other!

I agree that this is something for HR to deal with. She shouldn't be your line manager.

Totally this! It's completely inappropriate that she line manages you now.

I too would take it to HR. There’s a reason why it’s written into contracts about relationships needing to be disclosed at work.

The person upthread who said colleagues won’t care. Leaving a department short staffed, without a manager is unlikely to be popular with staff or management or HR. Taking sick leave - is this because she is sick or cannot face her colleagues due to her actions? Will people believe she is sick or think she is skiving? Her poor behaviour will make people question her integrity, morals and decision making.

Making poor judgements. Lying to peoples faces in the work place. The characteristics she has that allowed her to lie to ops face are not ones I would want in a colleague. Especially if this is a nursing/hospital environment when presumably you have to trust and rely on your colleagues every day.

Op you are possibly in shock. Are you eating and drinking okay? Or you may, from previous knowledge about him or life experience, not be surprised. I think the next few weeks you need to prioritise self care, good friends and enjoying things you know make you content. Maybe keep a diary and write things you appreciate each day. So you can look back if it gets harder in a few weeks. Basically make the most of feeling okay.

I would go to HR, I would want them to know from me that I am doing my best despite a tricky situation (not of your own making). Plus I wouldn’t want them to find out and approach me.

Sometimes our reaction and grace following a shit situation increases our self worth. Calm, collected and reflective. You can define yourself using characteristics and beliefs that mean something to you. Then live by them. Focusing on this may help you in the long run.