Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Who is in the right?

35 replies

Onedicktoanother · 15/11/2023 17:54

I had a rare night out about 3 months ago, my partner picked me up- 10 minute drive away which was great. I asked him to drop a colleague home, which he did. I knew from the atmosphere in the car that he wasn't happy about this.

His attitude is that my colleague should have their lift home prearranged. I would have dropped his colleague home if it was me. It wasn't far out of the way. I have a night out coming up and he mentioned the colleague and the lift home.

I am not too impressed as this colleague has been so kind to me and did not expect a lift. Did l expect too much or is he is the right. Thoughts welcome :)

OP posts:
category12 · 15/11/2023 17:57

Was it a male colleague?

Original poster
Onedicktoanother · 15/11/2023 17:58

Female colleague

OP posts:
WeighDownOnMe · 15/11/2023 18:03

I'd be so embarrassed that he was obviously pissed off!

Catsafterme · 15/11/2023 18:04

Not a massive deal is it, I've done it many times in the past. I was already there so may as well help out get home as well.

category12 · 15/11/2023 18:05

I can't see why it was a problem to him. Seems a bit mean-spirited of him.

Did he resent you going out and is therefore using this as an excuse to moan to try and make it more of a big deal when you do go out?

Is him giving you a lift out of lack of trust/control, or just convenience/financial?

Isometimeswonder · 15/11/2023 18:11

My husband would be happy he has helped a female get home safely.

Pinkbonbon · 15/11/2023 18:11

Bit miserly of him isn't it?

I've been in that colleagues situation though and I gave them some money for their petrol. If you're dropping her off home for a second time, I'd probably be expecting her to pay something towards the journey. Assuming it's more than 10 minutes round trip of your own home that is.

Original poster
Onedicktoanother · 15/11/2023 18:13

I'm not sure deep down what the reason is. He can be rigid in his thinking, however would drive anywhere to pick me up. I'm not sure if it's a red flag as its a small issue. It doesn't sit well with me though.

OP posts:
justalittlesnoel · 15/11/2023 18:14

How far is not far out of the way? What time was he collecting you?

I have to say I'll normally pick up my DH - I don't mind if he texts me saying so and so needs a lift is that okay, but I have just turned up before and been confronted with extra people piling into the car!! What's only a 10m diversion ends up being slightly annoying at silly o'clock in the morning without any warning.

It's polite of you to ask him before offering a lift to your colleague though I would think.

pictoosh · 15/11/2023 18:15

Do you suspect a lack of generosity of spirit? So would I. I can see why you're going hmm.

Notamum12345577 · 15/11/2023 18:15

Onedicktoanother · 15/11/2023 17:54

I had a rare night out about 3 months ago, my partner picked me up- 10 minute drive away which was great. I asked him to drop a colleague home, which he did. I knew from the atmosphere in the car that he wasn't happy about this.

His attitude is that my colleague should have their lift home prearranged. I would have dropped his colleague home if it was me. It wasn't far out of the way. I have a night out coming up and he mentioned the colleague and the lift home.

I am not too impressed as this colleague has been so kind to me and did not expect a lift. Did l expect too much or is he is the right. Thoughts welcome :)

A couple of times I wasn’t impressed, that is as they were miles out of the way, on one occasion it was an extra 12 miles. Apart from that though I wouldn’t mind at all, especially if it was on the way!

Original poster
Onedicktoanother · 15/11/2023 18:17

I did text him beforehand but l felt a bad atmosphere.

It was about 11pm, he probably was a bit tired. I would do anything for anyone and not sure if l expected the same from him.

OP posts:
category12 · 15/11/2023 18:18

11pm isn't even late.

BrieAndChilli · 15/11/2023 18:21

A few weeks ago DH went out so I dropped him off - about 40 minute drive. I then went and collected him and as he got in the car he asked me to drop 2 friends home about 5 min drive from where we were. I did so happily and it never crossed my mind to be losses of mention it again. Why would I. Likewise DH has picked me and friends up from nights out etc and I’ve also dropped him to airport etc in the middle of the night. Isn’t that what couples do for each other?

Original poster
Onedicktoanother · 15/11/2023 18:24

Deep down l feel l am comparing him to my ex who would not have hesitated with the lift. My ex was an idiot in other ways though. The issue over the lift put me off him a bit as l would be wary in future. He would not leave someone stuck but would not attempt to make conversation on the way to my colleagues house.

OP posts:
Santaiswashinghissleigh · 15/11/2023 18:25

Dh always picked me and my mate up and we dropped her off before we went home. Never an issue.

Elieza · 15/11/2023 18:29

He doesn’t sound very nice. Did he have an early meeting the following morning or something?

If not I’d have thought ten mins would be fine to get someone home safely.

Any other red flags?

Specso · 15/11/2023 18:31

I’d guess he had the hump about something else so was generally being a moody arse.

Original poster
Onedicktoanother · 15/11/2023 18:33

He was off work the following day so was able to have a lie in.

No major red flags few things that l don't personally like.

OP posts:
Ragwort · 15/11/2023 18:34

He sounds very mean spirited, I have arranged a night out in a month's time, my DH has already offered to take me, collect me and give lifts to any friends that need them. And I would do exactly the same for him.

Personally I can't stand people who are so mean about doing a small favour for other people.

mondaytosunday · 15/11/2023 18:35

Wow can't stand people who begrudge going a few minutes out of their way to help someone. Lack of kindness is a deal breaker.

ShenleyWillow · 15/11/2023 18:40

Yes i expect something else had put him in a mood which made this grate more if unexpected. I agree not very pleasant of him.

AgnesX · 15/11/2023 18:42

Bit a lot mean spirited if she's a nice person and you're a friend. I sometimes wonder about how little people care about a little goodwill.

category12 · 15/11/2023 18:45

ShenleyWillow · 15/11/2023 18:40

Yes i expect something else had put him in a mood which made this grate more if unexpected. I agree not very pleasant of him.

But what? And why is he bringing it up now that OP is planning to go out again if it was about something else?

Unless the something else is her going out at all, I suppose.

BaronessEllarawrosaurus · 15/11/2023 18:46

How far out of the way was it to drop the friend off, there is a difference if it was on the way or half an hour in the opposite direction.