Who is in the right?

[Onedicktoanother]

I had a rare night out about 3 months ago, my partner picked me up- 10 minute drive away which was great. I asked him to drop a colleague home, which he did. I knew from the atmosphere in the car that he wasn't happy about this.

His attitude is that my colleague should have their lift home prearranged. I would have dropped his colleague home if it was me. It wasn't far out of the way. I have a night out coming up and he mentioned the colleague and the lift home.

I am not too impressed as this colleague has been so kind to me and did not expect a lift. Did l expect too much or is he is the right. Thoughts welcome :)

Good grief, I’ve dropped the kids friends off for years and would do same for DWs friends if she was out, really struggling to see why this would be a problem, had you had a row or something, was he just annoyed that you were out without him?

Not sure, just offering a possible explanation/another perspective. I think it's more helpful to try to understand what might be driving their attitude rather than simply condemn them and putting further distance in the relationship. Of course he may just be an arse.

But surely if he's in a snit about something else but is still, months later, acting as though it was about giving this colleague a lift, then he is an arse?

We had no disagreements prior to this. I don't think he could be bothered with the hassle really. He tends to keep to himself alot and probably not as outgoing as me. Maybe didn't feel like chatting to others.

Does he behave in controlling ways in any other areas of your life?

Yes l have to agree-- he's more than happy to pick me up, but not anyone else. I find this weird myself.

Possibly. He texts me every single morning (we don't live together) and expects a reply. It's something that l have not thought about before. I don't know if he is insecure...

Hmm that does sound a bit possessive or insecure. Unless very shy he should be able to make small talk to your colleague for a few minutes

It’s not his opinion that is wrong, it is the fact he showed it and maybe made your friends feel awkward.

He might feel tired or not want to set a precedent, but he should tell you before the night out, so that your friend can make other arrangements.

I would honestly feel the same about drop offs that were not on my way home anyway. A couple of times a year fine, but every couple of weeks nope.

But it isn't every couple of weeks and it's not multiple friends, and it wasn't even midnight 😁

It's just bizarre to me. How can giving a lift at 11pm be such a big deal to him that going out of his way slightly for a friend/colleague of OP's is an outrageous ask that miffs him weeks later?

OP's a full grown adult woman, she can arrange a taxi (or uber or even public transport) depending where she lives. It wasn't even late to come back.

It's not like he had to leap out of bed at 2am to ferry her and 3 pissed up mates all over the city who then proceeded to puke all over his car or something.