I can't stand being touched by DD

[ClemFandangooo]

I'm not sure if this a PND thing or a hormone thing but since having DD2 5 months ago, I cannot stand DD1 touching me. I can't explain why. I love her so much but when she touches my skin I just need to get her off, it makes my skin crawl and I have this urge to just get her off me, it makes me really angry and uncomfortable. I can't help it and I feel absolutely terrible I'm just so touched out.

She sleeps in my bed most nights and she is constantly trying to put her feet and hands in any crevice of my body and it makes me feel itchy and my skin crawl.

I sound like a terrible mum and I hate feeling this way I just want to love cuddling her, I'm just not sure what to do. Has anybody else experienced the same?
I can only liken it to when I experienced a breastfeeding aversion whilst feeling DD1 and pregnant with DD2.

I'm worried I sound insane, please tell me someone's experienced the same!

@ShoesoftheWorld 's advice is wise. I wouldn't start doing anything different with DD1 yet, she will be feeling displaced and insecure.

Her dad is going to have to start stepping up. You’re letting a 3 year old totally control your life! You are her adult. It’s ok to say no sometimes. It’s ok for her not to have everything she wants, the way she wants it, as soon as she wants it.
Start during waking hours. Dad does more care, it is non-negotiable. If you want to change this you are going to have to stay strong.

@ClemFandangooo get magnesium cream and use it every day or night. You can take supplements but magnesium is best absorbed through the skin. It calms the touch out feeling a lot. It made it far more manageable for me and even eliminated it after a few weeks of using it

Thanks for everyone's help and comments. I definitely do need to be firmer with her. I don't feel I have it in me to try getting her into her bed yet as I'm struggling a bit mentally but I got prescribed Sertraline by the GP today and hopefully I'll soon feel ready to tackle this.

Your dp needs to knock off the coming into the bathroom with the little one because he can't settle them.
If he had to, he would manage it. It's just easier to disturb the small amount of peace that you get in the day.
He wouldn't allow it the other way around and you should have an equal right to time to decompress.

He can pop them in the car and go for a drive or walk around the block.
They will soon get used to it and settle.

Gradual retreat worked well getting my little limpet into her own bed, alongside sweets on a reward chart.

Totally understand how hard it is to get dd1 into her own bed, my dd1 was the same and would make herself sick if I left her in her room. I was pregnant with dd2 when I attempted to get dd1 into her own bed, I remember her sitting on her bedroom floor for hours trying to get her to fall asleep and then slowly making my way to the door. Eventually she stayed in her bed but would often wake early and get into our bed, when dd2 was born I ended up sleeping downstairs with the baby and dh had to deal with dd1.

You've said you struggle with boundaries and give in but apparently it takes 10 times of putting a boundary in for every time you give in.

Perhaps if you thought of giving in one time equals 10x more for each thing it might make decisions weightier to enable you to push through.

I think if your DP was more invested in building a relationship where she was equally able to trust him that would help you, your DD and him.

I don't think the time to build that is when you want space I think it's him doing exciting things at the weekends, going swimming together, building dens, doing things with him that involve her receiving care so that he builds her trust.

Just to say - this is my situation too. I have a 2 nearly 3yo and a six month old. My DD and I co-slept until she was 2, I managed to get her into her own bed through lots of prep (about being a big girl, buying pufferfish sheets she loved, doing the slow retreat (first night snuggled her to sleep, then held hand, then sat in chair, then outside room), good routine etc), then baby came and she got ill and we ended up all in together. For months I had a massive aversion to her and I'm still not back to normal now, but last week I decided I couldn't sleep together any more and dad is now in with her. She cried a lot the first night but now she's used to it. Next he will do the slow retreat. Feel free to PM me to set up a mini support group if you'd like 😂

Also she's clingy like your DD, I've tried to combat that by bigging up how great her dad is - dada is really strong so he's great at pushing the swing, he is great at choosing pj's etc etc. It doesn't always work but sometimes at least reduces the volume of the protest!

DS1 was like this and I got around it by lovebombing him. If you can bear it, be the one who demands cuddles from her. Insist she gets onto your lap. Over snuggle her. Call her into your bed for hugs at night. I did this to DS1 and in a couple of days he was trying to wriggle free and very bored of demanding cuddles.

They just want reassurance that the new baby isn't usurping them. If you are the one to constantly initiate the cuddles, she might ease off. It worked for me.