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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Partner lying ?? What do you think to this situation ?

34 replies

Mummy32023 · 15/11/2023 01:34

ill try make this as short as possible but 🤦‍♀️

so a couple of weeks ago my partner recieved a message from a female basically call me when your alone … calling him babes ect but there was nothing else saved on the mobile device.
so i have messaged said woman asking why .
to my surprise I’ve recieved messages back from this person ….. this woman is claiming that she has been seeing my partner for 3 years on and off stating it has been sexual and they have seen one and other around 4 times in this space for sexual meetings let’s call it.
apparently she is pregnant but won’t give any more information than that really about her self.
saying she wish she never met him, she no longer wants anything to do with him, over apologies to me several times ,
the profile is very vague that she is using but she has stated it’s a back up account and she’s not used her original one with name on .
i confronted my partner about this and he said it’s all a lie but …..
i e asked her questions while we had our messages back and fourth and there’s stuff she knows that only someone he knew could anwser .
his car and colour
majority of his phone number
his job
his gym

  • I asked about what tattoo was on his arm to see if they really knew him and I know he doesn’t have any tattoos although he does have scars and yep with lout a doubt they knew this too!!
This turned into quite a argument when I confronted him with this - he went very distant with me and bearly spoke to me for a good nearly 24hrs because apparently it’s lies and I should believe him and he doesn’t have anyway to prove it to me - saying someone must be doing it to brake us up , I don’t have anyone that would do that ? And don’t think he would either tbh

he’s still searching the profile it’s come from on f*book regularly - I’ve seen in his history - yes I’ve checked - may I add it’s the first time i ever gone snooping on his phone

my mind is going awol
he had a night out last year and came back with make up all over his top - said was from giving people cuddles to say bye 🤷‍♀️ this also ended up me having silent treatment for longer than 24hr he was distant and off with me when I asked about it -

it just all doesn’t seem to be adding up and becoming harder for me to approach

OP posts:
StephanieLampshade · 15/11/2023 01:43

I don't think your questions were proof of anything much. Any work colleague would know the answers.

But in terms of all else it would sound that there's been an affair and that will come out eventually.

thewonga · 15/11/2023 01:44

It is adding up though. He's cheating. Very obviously. She knows very personal details, you can't make those up.

He will lie about it, it's unlikely you'll get the truth from him. So you need to decide if you want to stay with a cheat or if you are not going to put up with it you need to plan to leave.

RantyAnty · 15/11/2023 01:54

He's a liar and a cheat so what are you going to do?

Ianz · 15/11/2023 03:07

Do you really want us to tell you what we think ? I believe it's pretty clear what's happening here !

junbean · 15/11/2023 04:05

He's a lying, cheating sack of shit and the silent treatment stuff is psychological abuse. He's not worth it.

cassiatwenty · 15/11/2023 04:22

If it's a lie you would need to communicate and resolve it which is impossible with him giving you silent treatments.

WandaWonder · 15/11/2023 04:23

How on earth would any of us know? just ask

Shoxfordian · 15/11/2023 06:24

He sounds shady and he's lying to you
Don't tolerate it

Channellingsophistication · 15/11/2023 07:06

How awful for you can you ask her when she has seen him and see if that coincides with when he was out?

cassiatwenty · 15/11/2023 07:29

Are you able to chat with her more? It doesn't seem like he's a reliable information source.

DelphiniumBlue · 15/11/2023 07:38

He's clearly lying to you.
You have to ask yourself, why would someone make this stuff up? Why would someone try to split you up? Only someone he is already involved with in some way would do that.
And bear in mind, you contacted her, she didn't initiate contact with you. He's lying, his OW is pregnant and he's still trying to wriggle out of everything.
What more do you need to know?

Humanswarm · 15/11/2023 07:40

Could you ask more questions? Whilst the evidence she gave is okay, lots of people could know this.. a disgruntled ex, a work colleague, even a mate. Could you get dates? More specifics? Although granted, it doesn't look good does it?

Original poster
Mummy32023 · 15/11/2023 08:01

Hi yes I have he works allot and has been on like 3 nights out and the rest who knows- he travels allot for work so it really could be anytime however she matches x2 of the months he went out , apparently he’s also been to her house

OP posts:
rainbowstardrops · 15/11/2023 08:13

I mean, a lot of acquaintances might know his car etc but what would make me suspicious is the fact he gives you the silent treatment.
How long have you been with him?

GreyCarpet · 15/11/2023 08:31

I'd think that I didn’t want to be with someone who was lying to me and cheating on me.

There are times when our imaginations can run away with us but look at your 'evidence'. The message, what she said when you contacted her. Whats he got? Just denial and silent treatment. This wasn't a mischievous contact on her behalf.

Specso · 15/11/2023 09:05

Yeah he’s lying. You need to make all your decisions going forward with this in mind.

Original poster
Mummy32023 · 15/11/2023 09:06

We’ve been together 3 years and have a 7 month old

OP posts:
Thewondererhasreturned · 15/11/2023 09:43

I'm so sorry OP but I think he is lying. He's in denial and if he had an ounce of decency he would tell you the truth hes covering tracks here. Why would this woman know all this stuff, randomly message him just to cause trouble for no reason you said it yourself she knew things no one else would know. I think because its all so fresh your head will be making excuses believing it might not be true I've been there done that. Trust your instinct dont let him gaslight you into thinking your going insane and that this woman is lying

rockingbird · 15/11/2023 09:49

Where does he travel to when working? Is he staying in hotels? Could he actually be staying with her! Do you have regular contact when he's working away or is he unavailable? Not looking great to be fair, why would anyone make it all up!

Soonenough · 15/11/2023 09:52

Ask her to video call you or meet you.

Original poster
Mummy32023 · 15/11/2023 09:58

He travels all over the country - most nights he is home but can be late was allot more staying away and late nights around the times she’s on about I have asked her to call me and meet me in person but she wouldn’t she said she doesn’t want any trouble just to be left alone she will be around 6 month pregnant now according to what she’s sent me.
meaning that the baby was conceived when our baby was just afew weeks old 🤦‍♀️

thankyou for all input to all people who have commented think it’s very clear 😢

OP posts:
toddlermam · 15/11/2023 10:58

Is the baby his?

StephanieLampshade · 15/11/2023 11:03

There might not be a baby.

The woman sounded very upset.

Most likely he has cut her off and she's now panicking. I'm not convinced there is a baby.

Original poster
Mummy32023 · 15/11/2023 11:04

She’s stating it is

OP posts:
StephanieLampshade · 15/11/2023 11:21

Sorry.i didn't read your latest update where she was more specific.

A terrible situation.

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