Threatening to K himself

[idkhtllt]

don't know who to talk to, I’m really lost

my relationship with my partner has been rocky throughout, he’s a compulsive liar and always lets me down.

the past few weeks has been the worst, I’ve tried to break up with him a few times but he’s started to threaten to kill himself, in recent years when I tried to break up with him he would never threaten suicide but since having our baby 3 months ago he threatens it if I try to leave him.

today I caught him out in another lie, and I’m just done, I can’t go on anymore. I know it’s bad, my whole family tells me I need to leave him.

which I have, I’ve told him I’m DONE and I really mean it (although it’s extremely difficult) he’s texting me as if he’s going to end his life.

he told me he’s gone already. (We don’t live together) he’s at his home atm.

what to do? What if he really does do it? I’m petrified. I feel sick to my stomach with him

They like to pull that shit.

Definately report it to the police and let them handle it. They'll decide what needs done.

Stop replying to him in future. Just contact his brother/the police.

There is no reason for him still to be messaging you. Unless It's about sweing or paying for the child. Don't reply to anything else. Even then, keep it about times and dates. Factual.

Make sure to go the official route to claim child support. See about changing your house locks if he's ever had a key to it.

Remember to keep in mind 'I do not negotiate with terrorists'. He is a terrorist and he means you harm. Don't compromise, don't 'try to be kind' as they take these things as weakness. And they exploit weakness.

Be prepared to use any resources necessary to keep yourself safe from his bs. Read up on narcissistic abusers. Especially their 'narcissist hoovering techniques' (things they may do when you leave to trick you into coming back).

Well done you for getting out!
Stay out and stay safe.
Women's aid are a good resource if needed.
And contact thr police if he continues to harass you.

You really need to contact the police. It’s either genuine cry for help (I doubt it) but they can go and find him or he’s trying to control you so it’s a good idea to stop controlling him by involving the police.

Call the police. Send them for a welfare check. Every time. Without fail. No response from you to him. Just the welfare check.

He's being a manipulative dickhead. Ask his brother if he will be go between for any urgent info re the baby and then block him on everything.

My ex did this @idkhtllt and it is sheer manipulation to get you to do what he wants ie not leave him. As a PP said, if you need to respond at all, say that if he really feels like that he needs the kind of expert help you can't provide. Otherwise leave him to it - tell his family, and tell the police if you are really worried as they will do a welfare check as everyone here has said. Then look after yourself and your child.

But it's just him being cruel, and is the number one reason you and your little one need to leave him, as he'll use this tactic to control you forever if you don't.

This. Phone the police every time.

You are not responsible for his wellbeing here. He is emotionally abusive, and manipulating you in the cruelest way possible - and you are the mother of his child. He is a nasty nasty piece of work.

For your own sanity, and the wellbeing of your child, you have to step away. Leave him. His family can shoulder any of his needs from now on.

It is not your responsibility.

How can he text you if he's really gone this time

Unfortunately, this is a pretty common tactic. The fact that he spent ALL day texting you with this threat is a pretty clear sign it's just a way to emotionally manipulate you.

You were right to forward it to his brother and move on.

Unfortunately, as you have a DC together, you won't be able to get rid of him that quickly. You are going to need to be absolutely clear on what you are and are not able to do and accept.

Dude thinks he's casper.

Or this guy from 'Ghosts'

Keep the texts,it's evidence of abuse, and you may need it if he tries for access down the line.

Let him fucking crack on if he wants to. I have absolutely no time for people who use suicide as a threat.

He's not going to do it, and even if he did it wouldn't be your fault.

Ring the police. Every single time.

Either he needs help and the police will help him or he’s bluffing and he’ll realise you’re not playing his game.

Do not have contact with him.
If he wants to see his baby then ask a family member to facilitate contact.

Your MH is just as important as his.

Thank goodness you don’t live together!

OP at the end of the day it's his life and his choice if he dies.

If the only alternative is staying with him for the rest of YOUR life would you really choose to? You'd be setting yourself on fire to keep him warm.

He's highly unlikely to go through with it - but IF he does it's still not on you at all. No-one should stay in a relationship because of emotional blackmail under any circumstances.

Hes got no intention of harming himself. He's using this as tactics to manipulats you. Don't engage with him. Don't phone him. Phone the Police for a welfare check. He'll stop when he realises its not having the result he was expecting

Just call the police and block him.

My friend had this with her abusive knob of a husband.
Everytime he threatened suicide, she called the police with a report for his welfare.
They duly turned up to check his welfare. He stopped doing it after the third time.

The police will no longer do MH callouts now.

Call his family, call 999 for an ambulance and turn your phone on do not disturb. Every single time. Do not engage.

That's not true. It totally depends on the circumstances.

If he threatens suicide again just reply with 👍. He keeps doing this because it’s working. He knows he’s getting to you. Forward his messages to his mum and say ‘You might want to check on Bob. He’s starting to get a bit hysterical’.

Thank you. I didn't know that. I heard a news report a few weeks ago where they said they no longer would and it was part of their new policy to refuse MH callouts. But I am happy to be corrected.

https://www.gov.uk/government/news/agreement-to-support-mental-health-care-and-free-up-police-time

is this what you mean? It doesn't mean you shouldn't calll 999 if someone is suicidal. It means Hooefully the risk will be triaged and the appropriate services dispatched.

Ring the police and ask for a welfare check, active threats of suicide etc.

If he’s a compulsive liar he’s probably lying about this too though.

Perhaps tell him that you’re phoning the police and his family members and then ring them and see what they say.

Hopefully just the threat of ringing them will give him a wake up call.

His family members will probably be able to check on him quicker.

Another voice here to add to those saying he's manipulating you, this is a tactic to get you to do what he wants you to do, try and see it like a game he's playing rather than a reality that's going to actually happen. It is frightning and shocking and thats' why he's doing it, because you're a good human and it's working. Show him it won't work and it will stop.

If you're still in communication with him text him and say,
I have contacted the police and your family to let them know your plans, I will not communicate with you further.
and block him on all fronts, and change your locks. Either go and stay with your family for a few nights to gather yourself, you've got a three month old baby there, and you need support, or get someone to come and stay with you.

Tomorrow get in touch with Womens' Aid, they've got an online chat service, or you can give them a call, be honest with them and let them talk you through what's going on. Get rid of him, things will be so much brighter without this millstone round your neck.