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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Father of my unborn child tells me no one likes me

35 replies

Dreamwithinadream · 11/11/2023 21:10

He’s cheated on me several times and then joined SLA and did step work so I took him back. But his life of no cheating and doing the right thing he seems to not enjoy. Obviously I’m not in amazing shape now and my skins acting up from pregnancy. I said the other day I don’t trust him and he flipped it round and said he doesn’t trust me. I said that Doesnt make sense and he said he doesn’t trust I’m a good person he thinks no one likes me. Then he said he’s not cheating but it doesn’t matter cause he doesn’t like me and ran with his stuff from the house we were living in, telling me I can keep the baby and he wants nothing to do with me and I’m not getting a penny from him. Why?

OP posts:
Ihatethenewlook · 11/11/2023 21:13

Come again??

Beckafett · 11/11/2023 21:14

Dreamwithinadream · 11/11/2023 21:10

He’s cheated on me several times and then joined SLA and did step work so I took him back. But his life of no cheating and doing the right thing he seems to not enjoy. Obviously I’m not in amazing shape now and my skins acting up from pregnancy. I said the other day I don’t trust him and he flipped it round and said he doesn’t trust me. I said that Doesnt make sense and he said he doesn’t trust I’m a good person he thinks no one likes me. Then he said he’s not cheating but it doesn’t matter cause he doesn’t like me and ran with his stuff from the house we were living in, telling me I can keep the baby and he wants nothing to do with me and I’m not getting a penny from him. Why?

Why did he say or it why did he behave like he did?
He's clearly a horrible person and hopefully you can move on from this.

Labradoodlie · 11/11/2023 21:17

Why?

Because he’s a horrible person you (and your child) would be best off apart from.

muchalover · 11/11/2023 21:18

Then he's taken the trash out himself.

Shut the door firmly and don't open it to him again. You'll just get more of the same if you do.

StaunchMomma · 11/11/2023 21:33

He's a bell end.

He's always going to be a bell end.

Nobody needs a man like that, hun.

It's shit timing, but if he can treat you like shit when you're pregnant he can treat your child like shit, too.

Please have a think about how to improve things for you and your baby, going forwards.

SylvanianFrenemies · 11/11/2023 21:33

Why? Because he's a horrible person.

TheSandgroper · 11/11/2023 21:50

His happy place is making you feel awful. You have no obligation to be this happy place, you know. You know are better than this.

organise yourself and leave him behind. do it before the baby is born and tell your midwives about it.

HarrietSchulenberg · 11/11/2023 21:51

I'd call it a blessing that you're rid of him, TBH.

SusanKennedyshouldLTB · 11/11/2023 21:53

What attracted you to him?
What about him made you want to have a baby with him? How did you see your future?
What does he do for work?

Catsafterme · 11/11/2023 22:34

Because deep down he knows he's a piece of shit and unable to commit or make meaningful connections. Instead of taking responsibility for his actions and behavior he's shifted the blame to you and lashed out. He's projected his own flaws onto you to protect his ego.

It's not you, it's him and you are better off without him.

ArcaneWireless · 11/11/2023 22:52

Sometimes you have a moment in life where things can go one of two ways.

He could have stropped off to another room and stayed and you may have been made more and more unhappy by his actions and words.

Instead he left.

And one day, I’m sure, you’ll look back on this moment in time and realise that this was the moment where you and your baby started walking down a happier road.

Pinkbonbon · 11/11/2023 22:55

Because he's a nasty person.

You need to start seeing what's infront if your own eyes instead of continually hoping thus crap human will become decent.

When people show you who they are, believe them.

How far along are you? Because I wouldn't want to have a kid with this jerk.

MintJulia · 11/11/2023 23:35

Why?

Because he's a nasty irresponsible person, who is feeling trapped and unhappy in his life and he's taking it out on you.

You and your child are better off without him, Bolt the door, block his number and be grateful he's left and you won't have to throw him out.

Congratulations on your pregnancy & good luck.

Bananalanacake · 12/11/2023 08:45

Good, it's better that you don't live with him, is it your house

WrylyAmused · 12/11/2023 09:01

Sounds like he's a pretty terrible person, and you're better off without him. No trust isn't good for a relationship, and you have plenty of reason to not trust him. His opinion doesn't sound like one worth wasting any thought on.

Standard advice: don't give baby his name, don't put him on the birth certificate, do apply for CMS as soon as baby is born.

Makes no difference what he says about paying, it's a legal obligation, even though woefully inadequate.

category12 · 12/11/2023 09:11

Sounds like you'll be better off in the long run if you don't let him back again.

He's saying those things to justify walking out on a pregnant partner, probably so he can go screw around. He's the one with the problem.

It must be very painful, but I think in the long term you'll be happier if this is the end of it.

Apply for CMS as soon as the baby is born and don't give him/her his surname.

Wallywobbles · 12/11/2023 09:15

My ExH told me he found my repugnant when I was pregnant. Things did not improve.

My one regret in life is I didn't get rid of him that day. He brought nothing to my life or his 2 kids.

He lost his parental rights when the kids took him to court at 8&9. The kids are amazing despite him.

Theimpossiblegirl · 12/11/2023 09:32

Doing this alone will be hard but better than being with him.
As for money, he will have to contribute. He sounds like a total shit and you're better without him.

Dreamwithinadream · 12/11/2023 21:51

Dreamwithinadream · 11/11/2023 21:10

He’s cheated on me several times and then joined SLA and did step work so I took him back. But his life of no cheating and doing the right thing he seems to not enjoy. Obviously I’m not in amazing shape now and my skins acting up from pregnancy. I said the other day I don’t trust him and he flipped it round and said he doesn’t trust me. I said that Doesnt make sense and he said he doesn’t trust I’m a good person he thinks no one likes me. Then he said he’s not cheating but it doesn’t matter cause he doesn’t like me and ran with his stuff from the house we were living in, telling me I can keep the baby and he wants nothing to do with me and I’m not getting a penny from him. Why?

Yes it's my house.
I have decided to go it alone and no I won't put his name on the certificate. He still has some stuff here which I need him to take.
I did speak about issue with midwives.
I'm scared he will make up stuff about me and create serious issues, like he did for his ex partner.
Where should I log what I'm going through?

OP posts:
Pinkbonbon · 12/11/2023 23:08

Keeping a diary might be useful.

Also, talk to trusted friends and family..tell them how he has behaved. Warn them that he may try to use them against you. 'So going forwards I'd like it if you were careful not to tell him anything about me or my life as I dont want him in my life anymore'.

If they don't stick to that, it may be that you need to remove them from your life too. Unfortunately if we have had a nasty partner and get rid...we often start to notice similar people close to us. Eg: that we've accepted frenimies. Or that we have a parent that has always been abusive.

Having a partner treat us badly and accepting it, lowers our boundaries too...

Hopefully you have good supportive people in your life though. But just be prepared to walk away from anyone who, knowing how he has treated you, advocates for him in any way. Tell anyone like that clearly 'I will not be getting back with them so you can knowing that, be a supportive person to me - or, there's the door'.

Don't hide secrets for him anymore, tell those who matter to you how he is and why you're done.

If he harassess you, speak to the police. He has no right to contact you if you don't want him to. Womens Aid are also available to talk to.

You can block contact with him on everything for now. And you only need to talk to him when the baby comes, IF you want to give him the opportunity to pursue contact. He doesn't have a right to be at your scans or at the birth.

Let him talk shit to whoever he likes. The people who care about you, won't buy it.

caringcarer · 12/11/2023 23:17

I can't think what you ever saw in him. He sounds nasty and mean. You're lucky he's gone. I'd be cheering. 👏👏👏

WandaWonder · 12/11/2023 23:19

Ffs why on earth did you get pregnant by him

SunflowerTed · 12/11/2023 23:24

Why have you had a baby from his gene pool?!

TeaGinandFags · 12/11/2023 23:55

This

He's done you a solid.

Child support is not optional. If he refuses to pay get an attachment of earnings order. Don't worry. You'll be fine.

Elieza · 13/11/2023 00:00

Are you at an early stage in your pregnancy when you might want to consider your options?

This prick doesn’t love you. He is trying to hurt you. You can do better, believe me. It’s more likely people don’t like HIM as he’s a prick.

Dump and move on. I’d not like to have a baby with him tbh. Be careful if he’s violent. Look out for yourself.