Never invited back

[Yodeleyyyyheeeeee]

Okay, so this has been winding me up for a while now and I need to know if I’m being unreasonable?
DD has had a “best friend” for a number of years now (since reception and now in y5). The girls get on so well. They have other friends but count each other as best friends. They can have their fall outs but over in minutes and are back bosom buddies soon after.
So what’s my issue? My DD is NEVER invited to her friends house (or to see her outside of school at all) and it’s starting to get her down (she’s recently started expressing her disappointment at not getting to go to her house). The other girl comes to us about once a week for tea and to play. It’s never reciprocated. Ever. So for the past 6 years, she’s set foot in her house once for about 5 minutes when she needed to pick something her friend had borrowed.
I’m starting to get pissed off. Myself and my partner work full time, 5 days a week and we have other children (3). Friends parents don’t work, and although have another child, seem to do naff all with their time. But for context, I find her mum pleasant and will stop and chat to her when I see her.
Am I right to be getting annoyed with this now? Why is it always down to us? Or do I need to get a grip?

This could be social anxiety, shame about her house, marital/ money problems. What I wouldn’t do is break up an enduring friendship over this unless your DD decides to, off her own bat. I’d pay a lot more to see my kids in good lasting relationships.

I would be annoyed too. No one loves hosting play dates but you do it for your child - it’s the primary equivalent of taking them to soft play that isn’t a barrel of laughs for adults either.

You can’t really say anything though. You don’t know if they are just life’s takers or there is some dark secret lurking. The girls will have noticed. Comfort yourself that both girls memories of you will be lovely and positive and the other parents - not so much.

My dd had a friend who never invited her over and l was totally chilled about friends coming. I never cared as everyone is different. I actually rathered having them here as at least you always know what's happening and your dc will appreciate later that they had a welcoming home. My dd in her late 20s still brings friends home at odd weekends. If its difficult for you maybe change to once a fortnight so their turn is the missed week. Don't judge the family as no one knows what goes on in other homes.
Your dd may make a friend later who is the opposite. Just go with the flow.
I absolutely hate cooking for adults as lack a lot of confidence in my cooking abilities so l really appreciate when my friends don't expect me to do dinner parties. Dh is very poor in this department and it means a lot to me that we choose to eat out and my friends stay friends and don't judge. Just accept the situation.

Well you could maybe talk to them, but ultimately can't force them to invite your daughter to their house. I guess if it irks, the best thing to do is to stop inviting from your end.

Wow, what a judgey thread, they don’t work and do naff all with their time? How would you even know how they spend their time.

and children in my experience don’t care whose house, as long as they can get together, so I suspect the issue here is you.

if they don’t want the kids round this is fine, back off.

Sorry but if I was op I would be judging. She’s doing an awful lot of giving for the benefit of both girls whilst the other parents kick back and relax enjoying the free childcare. Damn right I’d “judge”

The other mum needs to acknowledge the disparity possibly explain why and do a nice thing for both girls.

Erm... because it's judgemental?

I never cared about whether or not there were return invitations if my kids were happy and I could do it EXCEPT when it was clear that we were part of someone’s childcare plans, especially in school holiday time (without being upfront about it). Then the invites to ours stopped.

It's rude not to invite children back for a play date. Some parents at my children's school are like this. I don't care what their house is like, whether you're an introvert (grow up and stop using that as an excuse) - parents like this are passing on their rude behaviour to their children.

I don’t think it is rude, or that the parent has to explain.

some people have poor mental health, shame over their house, which is about them, not the onlooker, what’s she do to. Say her kid can’t go to others as she can’t reciprocate, or explain her personal issues.

no one should invite a child round with the expectation of reciprocation. Invite the child if you’re happy to have them there, that is the start and end of it.

My house isn't suitable to have people over so my DC can't accept any invitations.

When I did have a house that was suitable there was one child I never had over because the mother was judgy, gossipy and clearly desperate to get over my threshold.

My DC play out with their friends instead.