Teenager and neighbor

[duvetday9]

My teen dd - 15 years - had a party tonight at my House. 18 guests, i was 15 minuts away at restaurant. In city. When i was Home at 10, i was met with dd with red eyes and only 3 girlfriends. At 9.30 my neighbor was here - only In boksers, shouting at her about loud Music, angry and shut the party down. My dd sent everybody Home, except 3 best friends. She is scared of him, embarressed - new class since august - and i am so angry. He is often drunk, always only in bokser shorts and always like a angry terrier.
How would you proceed?

Well officially they are allowed to make noise until 11pm. Did you pre warn him of the gathering? That aside, he sounds like right mardy fucker. Id go round tomorrow and ask what happened. If it was a one off situation, tell him to get back in his box. Sounds a right nob. Id be exercising my right to make noise up to 11pm more often

Ps he was in his boxer shorts to confront a party of teens?! 🤦🏻‍♀️

He is always in his fucking boxers! I am so angry - it was 9.30! On a friday! But dont k os how to proceed, as because he is often drunk and unplesant - but this is too Much! Just dont know jow to proceed. As he is looking for a fight and i dont want to give him one

Maybe start with saying you'll be calling the police next time he decides to expose himself and shout at teenage girls. Sounds a right charmer.

Maybe he thought he was doing tou a favour. Bunch of underage kids in your house whilst you are out. Probably drinking. He could have done worse and called the police.

I'd call the police and report a man approaching a bunch of young teenagers wearing only underwear and possibly drunk.

I would not leave 18 15 year olds on their own in the house for a party. That is not on.

Yeah I think you should've stayed in this situation. Especially knowing what he's like, then you could've dealt with him (or any other problems) instead of them having to. Also significant whether you told him about the party beforehand? You might say it's not his business but when you know he's like this, it's better to deal with before than in this situation where it's now inflamed. Won't have helped that it was a party without any adults supervising.

The boxers thing is grim. Is there a dad around to deal with him or just you? If he's doing it to be intimidating you could have someone with you when you go over there.

Ignore him completely and if he calls the police let them sort out the crazy man in his underpants while you legally do whatever you were doing!

You should have stayed in the house.

I would always let neighbours know about a gathering (of young people not a normal bbq, etc). and I would have stayed in the house with that many kids of that age.

However, he sounds awful especially coming round in his underwear. I couldn’t be bothered antagonising him as it sounds like he’d become even more hardwork. I’d probably pop round and say sorry it disturbed you and in future I’ll let you know. Then he knows him kicking off will not stop you doing things going forward. If he does it again then you will be there to deal with him.

The plan was for me to be Home at 10. I was 15 minuts away. And yes i had told him before.
I still dont know how to react to him - i have only lived here for 6 months and feel like Selling my House because of him.

This really has missed the point spectacularly!

Eighteen children left in a house unsupervised and you're complaining

I'd go round to see him.

Apologise if he'd been disturbed by any noise, but say that his inappropriately dressed visit upset the girls and in future he should phone you if he has a problem so that you can deal,with it. In return, you will pre-warn him that a party is planned and will end by x time.

No, he shouldn't have shouted at your daughter.

But on the other hand, what on earth were you thinking of, leaving 18 fifteen year olds alone in a house. Absolute madness and totally irresponsible.

You have no idea what the noise levels were like. It's not just the music, there is highly likely to have been underage drinking too.

If I was the parent of one of those teens and knew in advance that you weren't going to be there, there is no way I would have met my dd attend. And if I'd found out afterwards that no adult had been present, there is no way my dd would be coming to your house again.

You have created this issue for your daughter.

I think you’re bonkers for having a teenage house party without you there even if you come home at 10. Really the fact that your DD was so upset and didn’t call you immediately is evidence that she isn’t able to manage a house party.

He does sound awful though; you have two choices really, talk to him which may invite more aggression or completely ignore him and keep a log of anything that happens to report to the police

18 unsupervised 15 year olds is never going to be reasonable. The chances of something going wrong were always huge. That was a mistake.

That mistake led to this situation for your dd. This was the thing that went wrong. And you should have been there. Upstairs, out of sight, but immediately available to your child.

If you had been YOU could have dealt with the bully next door, rather than your child having to do it.

Poor kid.

You are NOT officially allowed to make noise until 11pm. It's a myth. As a one off no action would be taken for noise. It might tip into anti social behaviour though

I regularly went to parties when I was 15 where the parents left us to get on with it.
OP was due back at 10pm. She wasn’t stocking the fridge with vodka, hiring a sound system, and then fucking off on a two week holiday.

Don’t let him bully you OP. Report aggressive behaviour and dodgy exhibition of boxers to teenage girls to police and ask them to give him a warning. Also tell him you have reported to police and will continue to do so each time he seeks to intimidate you or DD. Show him he can’t mess with you or he will keep on and on.

100% this.

Why does everybody assume they were out of control drunk?
Half of Them are muslims and dont drink. All sweet, polite and - in control! Nothing was destroied, most gets picked up by parents.
But the party in itself was not the subject, how i am tackling him today, was. Still havent talked to him. Still dont know what to say.
But the party in itself is not a problem. They were, as i said, not drunk, just having fun. And i did tell him, before.

Your neighbour is awful.

However, you don’t seem to be accepting any responsibility for this.

15 years olds (whether they drink or not) have no concept of noise. If I were your neighbour, I’d be fuming if they were making so much noise at 9.30pm as well.

You could report your neighbour to the police as I’m sure they’d think it was indecent visiting your neighbour in underwear.

In this case, I’d probably speak to my neighbour, apologise for the noise but inform him I’ll be reporting him if he comes to my house dressed like that again.

Id approach it in a calm manner. Id knock the door and ask what happened for him to knock your door at 930pm. Then stay silent. If he says they were drunk/music was too loud/there was shouting, id say, they are a group of teens, you had pre warned him and none were drinking. Stay calm and silent whilst he answers. Look this up so you know the facts, but id then inform him of the councils noise policy eg noise ok until 11pm or whatever it was. Then repeat that you informed him of the gathering. Finally, id tell him that coming round in his boxers is not appropriate for teens to be seeing. Keep calm then leave.

absolute nob 🤷🏻‍♀️

I would report him to the police for causing alarm and distress. Confronting teenage girls aggressively while in your underwear is not an acceptable action, whether they were noisy or not.