Anyone else with zero gamily outwith own kids?

[Edinlassy]

Just pondering how usual my family situation is. Only child and fucking weird family dynamic. Bio dad left when I was 3 so no contact with his family and he is dead now. My dad who raised me had passed and my mother fell out with all his family who I knew as my family growing up but by extension no longer speak to me since dads death. Mum has lost most of her siblings and no contact with any that are still alive.

wow that was long. When she dies I have absolutely no family other than my husband and 2 kids. Honestly all I need and am lucky to have his mum who is an amazing mil and gran. I guess I worry for my kids when me and their dad and gran go there is no extended network for them. I get so jealous when I hear of people with cousins and aunties etc and feel for my kids they don’t have that.

With health conditions that my mother has she could go anytime and it’s just been on my mind if it’s unusual to have very little family. Hoping I’m not sounding like I am feeling sorry for myself it’s more my kids I wish they had cousins and aunties etc.

Please excuse the autocorrects

I only have my parents, I’m not close with my cousins. I’m only child and I don’t have kids, so I will have no one.

Is husband an only child too? I have a couple of brothers but honestly once my mum has gone they won't bother with me or my kids. DH side is pretty much the same. Even if you have a bigger family it still can be lonely.

@Cancando so sorry if my post was insensitive. I realise how incredibly lucky I am to have my dh and kids. It’s a weird feeling though isn’t it when you see people with massive families

@catherinewales yes he is. That’s so true I guess I look at these big family gatherings through rose tinted glasses. To be fair I had it with my dads family big christmases with my cousins and aunts and then all the adults fell out and that was that. In the back of my mind I worry if my husband left me I would be absolutely alone. Just having one of those weird nights where you ponder these things you don’t want to voice in real life.

I’m divorced, my adult son lives with his dad at moment as it’s nearer his friends, my parents are pensioners - dad has dementia- and my only sister lives 200 miles away.

So I’ve built a friend network who are my support system. I’ve always been happy with my own company so I’ve never really known any different.

@SamW98 as they say friends are the family you choose so I am happy for you. I don’t have many friends but the ones I do are amazing and to me are family also. My dad had Lewy body dementia and Parkinson’s lost him 5 years ago it’s bloody hard going so sending you a unmumsnet hug x

I have no family. Not a single person on my side at all. Either dead of estranged (I haven't had contact with my parents for a decade).

Luckily my husband has a big family, I don't actually like his parents much but his siblings are good people and he has lots of cousins, we have three children and they are close with their own cousins. So I don't worry about what would happen if I died or something, but I do worry about what would happen to me if something happened to my husband. I'm not sure I'd have much support in my own right and I do fear I'd be a bit left on my own.

Only child with no children. My Mum died in May and I have an Uncle who is 95.

@mrmagpie that’s exactly what I was trying to say, you vocalised it much better than I did. I am glad you have some decent in law family outwith the parents. I guess I just never want my kids to feel like I am dependent on them to make me happy if I am on my own. My mum has been a struggle for me as she had nobody but ne and the kids. I never want to be like that for my 2

@FiveShelties so so sorry for the loss of your mum. How you doing? I am 5 years down the road still can’t believe my dad is gone

I'm in a similar situation and it's so bloody lonely!

I'm a single parent with one child. Dad died when I was a child and he'd fell out with his family and by extension, they never bothered with me. My mum died around 6 years ago. She was an only child but used to be close to her cousins. Unfortunately, her cousins were all older than her and had health issues so they're also all dead now. So I've got no family at all left apart from my child.

Christmas is always pretty shit, my kid usually goes to her dad's after lunch so then I'm completely on my own. I don't have many friends because I'm always so busy working to pay the bills. Despite working and studying all the time, I'm still skint so I can't afford gig tickets or festival tickets or theatre tickets so friends that I did have have dwindled off.

That all sounds like a pity party, I guess I'm trying to say it's shit but that's just the way it is. All you can do is focus on what you do have and try to make tbe best of things.

No family here, NC with my mum. Just me and kids and OH. I'm ok with it

I'm in a similar boat. Small family and my ridiculous mother isn't speaking to me. Family was/is/would have been important to me. I dont know what tense to use. I'm trying to build a tribe but that's hard.

@Edinlassy I am doing good I think. I have been back in UK to clear the house which sold last month. My Mum was one week short of her 93rd birthday and had been living in her own home, without help up until a fall around 6 weeks before she died. So it is very sad, but she had a very good innings.

I am sorry about the loss if your Dad, it is tough to lose a parent.

We are kind of similar in a way. Dp's mum abandoned him/ dad died all other family don't bother. Mine all live in another country and wouldn't be too healthy to have around. So it's just us and the kids really. Sometimes I look at those with lots of family around and feel bad in the kids but on the flip side we always make sure to do better then our last familys

Yes I can relate. I am an only child. My parents are still around but im aware when they go it will be me and my 2 kids and my partner. DH has one sibling who lives 400 miles away. I feel really sad when I hear of others having big family gatherings and who seem to have big networks. I’m not sure why but it has alwYs left me feeling less important to people who have big networks. It’s not easy: I’m not sure why it affects me so much but it does. Anyway you are not alone

Thank you. It is hard with my dad and my mum struggles with it which I completely get. She’s got arthritis so struggles with her mobility- both knees replaced and toes amputated- but she’s still totally switched on so it really is hard for her. I take her out to lunch regularly so she gets to chat away.

Im in my 50’s but I was a big raver back in the day and I’ve met so many friends because of our mutual love of music and dancing - they're my house music family ❤️

Massive family here. Lost contact with dad's side when he died at age 33. Even my sister who chose to stay with his new wife.

Then mum left me with my step dad and step siblings.

Lots in between, and I ended up in foster care, and step dad died as did his 2 kids.

I was very close to my 7 aunts and uncles on maternal side along with their combined 20 plus kids.

Then I moved away and lost contact with all my cousins and 2 uncles died. My mum died, and I fell out with my foster family.

I now only have my kids and husband.

Liberating in one way but a sad loss in another.

There are over 60 cousins now. Don't see any of them.

@Whatapickle23 I hear you and feel
for you it must be rough. How old is your daughter? You sound like an amazingly strong woman you really do. What are you studying? It’s rough when you know family is out there but because adults all fell out you don’t have them. Strange but that’s just the way it goes I suppose. X

@Fredblog me too I guess I just fast forward in my head and wonder what it will be like. Truly lucky to have my dh and kids and I know that. Just pondering the end of my family I grew up with I think.

@ChannelNo19EDT i think we may have a similar mother type 🤯. Hope you are ok x

@FiveShelties wow what a woman to mange at home into her 90’s. It’s never easy no matter how old they are when you loose them. You be kind to yourself the first year is rough x

@Imperfectp3rf3ction wow yes we sound a very similar background. I know in my head I could go out and find bio dads family but from what I have found online they are not people I would want on mine or my kids life. I’m not that desperate for family for them. Sending you hugs x

@Purpleplanes yes yes yes you worded it better than me. I’m not bothered for me just wish my kids had more of a support network if something happened to me. Christmas is always weird we have our tiny table and then see people complaining about not having enough room or chairs to
host. Equally I remind myself some people have nobody and give myself a slap as it’s bloody ridiculous as I am very lucky in reality. I have gorgeous kids and a great husband and don’t take it for granted. Heart breaks for those out there with less family than me

Also my dad was an only child. My mum had a brother and sister who were 15 and 17 years older than her - her parents were 41 and 42 when she was born. So she’s only one left.
I have 4 cousins on mums side who are a lot older. 2 live in Cyprus, 1 is estranged from the family after my aunts death and the other lives in Canada.

@SamW98 wow we have a lot in common. My mum had her leg amputated 18 months ago after a stroke. Been a huge adjustment for everyone. She still lives independently as refuses care (another story) so it’s hard going.
I am just a teeny bit younger than you but loving your music style! X

@Seeleyboo jesus girl I don’t even know what to say to your post. I certainly will stop feeling sorry for my situation from right now when I read what you have coke through. What a warrior. Any words I have would sound crap but just know I am in awe of you. I adopted one of my kids and my respect for anyone who makes it through the care system is huge. I hope you are happy xx

@Edinlassy thank you, you are very kind.💐

Better to learn to appreciate what you have got. Quality over quantity, less is more etc. I'm saying this in good faith, but other people are satisfied with less than you have because they take a more positive view of their situation.

By the time you die , hopefully your kids will be adults.
They may settle down and have relationships/ marriages/ kids of their own. They'll build their own families.