Housework what’s fair

[Zelsa30]

its a housework one….I worked my arse off to be able to be in the position to financially go part time 20-25 hours a week before I met my boyfriend (4 years ago). He works full time. he had his own house and I’ve got mine. He kept his house tidy and neat

fast forward to 6 months ago when we decided to live together and he moved into mine

he does absolutely NOTHING around the house, I mean the most will be to carry a plate to the kitchen but then not even put it in the dishwasher. When I broached the subject of housework he said I work full time you don’t

indont expect him to do much housework but is it fair that every single thing is down to me?

Just to add he has become the messiest person I’ve ever encountered

Just kick him back out, it won't get better.

No it's not fair. He should be doing his equal share of house work imo. The fact you got yourself into a great position where you can work less hours has no bearing on it - unless he was subsidising your living costs in some way allowing you to work less but I'm guessing that is NOT the case!

Thankyou for responding, I just didn’t know if I’m being unreasonable or not with my post

Definitely isn't. If he was capable of maintaining a clean home before then he's capable of doing it now. I am currently on maternity leave so I do the majority of the housework but that's only because I am currently receiving no pay and my partner is paying the bills.

Before the children we both split the bills 50/50 and did 50/50 of the housework. The way I see it is if we're both providing equally into the finances then the rest of housework can be shared. If part time I would personally allocate accordingly. You can pick up an extra chore or two but it is completely u fair to expect you to do everything.

It's unfair that he says you work part time and I would rethink the dynamics as his behaviour won't change unless you discuss it between yourselves.

If things get bitter which I would try to avoid by discussing ultimately he can do his own laundry/dinner and clean his own mess but I would try to avoid this as it would create tension.

Please don't back down, I assume you're paying at least half the outgoings if not all so completely unfair to ask you to do everything

I would usually say equal leisure time is fair.

Declare your one day off a week as "annual leave"/non-working day where you do X therefore not available to do HIS chores.

However, his attitude stinks so I'd tell him to move out.

you are right! not subsiding it at all, I feel like I worked so bloody hard and now spend way more time than I need to cleaning up after another person!

I’m in a position where I am mortgage free so luckily not many outgoings, he’s also benefiting from not having to pay half a mortgage/ rent

I don't think it's entirely unreasonable for you to do more housework given that you work PT.

The fact that you worked your arse off to get to that point is never here nor there.

But he is unreadable to expect you to do everything and particularly to pick up after him.

I'd ship him back to his own house.

Thing is as although I’m part time I still
work Monday to Friday (business requirements but I just finish earlier each day !

The entitlement from him would make me end it tbh.

If he's saving mortgage/rent then he's taking full advantage. I would rethink the relationship tbh as already sounds like you have resentment which would only get worse.

We are meant to be going out tonight but I don’t even feel like it!

His attitude is vile and sexist, he can keep his own home clean but as soon as he is living with a woman he thinks it's her job?

AND he is benefiting from paying less at yours but still won't clean up his own mess?

Chuck him out of your house and life, he has not one single iota of respect for you at all.

He's showing you who he is.

Sexist lazy cock lodger.

Tell him it's unattractive and you can do better.

Just chuck him out. They NEVER change.

This is sad, that you had to question yourself.

Why don't you expect him to do much?

He should do half.

Looking at what you've said, how could you even question whether this is reasonable behaviour? How could you be unreasonable?

Do you want to spend the rest of your life being a free maid to a man-child? You live what you accept.

So he was perfectly capable of keeping his own place tidy but now he's living with a woman he expects you to do it! What a misogynistic wanker. Kick him out OP. Say this isn't working for you.

Why aren't you charging rent? As well as half bills? Get a cohabitation agreement as barest minimum. Sweep his stuff into bin liners, even better rethink. This is not on.

My dh is a full time paramedic and regularly hoovers the whole house, does whatever jobs need doing e.g bins, lightbulbs, cleans the window frames, keeps the car clean and many other things, often while exhausted from shifts. I don't ask him to do any of this, in fact i often ask him to take it easy or use his time to rest but he just likes getting things done. He is also a great dad to our young children. Your DP sounds lazy and childish I'm sorry.

It’s a difficult one because in all honesty if someone was PT I’d been at work all day and then had to start cracking in with housework whilst they sat watching me right or wrong I think I’d resent it

cleaning a bathroom regardless if 1 person or 2 doesn’t really take any longer

cleaning and tidying are 2 entirely different things in the past I had a wash basket any shit left lying around that wasn’t mine got thrown in there

Chuck him out. You're a service bot to him. These arseholes never change.

You can take advice about what's fair and what's equitable and what should happen. But he's told you that men who work FT don't have to put a plate in the dishwasher. They have women for that. No coming back from that.

Lazy, entitled arse
Get rid asap

Think I'd rather be single tbh