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Original poster

Housework what’s fair

57 replies

Zelsa30 · 04/11/2023 14:53

its a housework one….I worked my arse off to be able to be in the position to financially go part time 20-25 hours a week before I met my boyfriend (4 years ago). He works full time. he had his own house and I’ve got mine. He kept his house tidy and neat

fast forward to 6 months ago when we decided to live together and he moved into mine

he does absolutely NOTHING around the house, I mean the most will be to carry a plate to the kitchen but then not even put it in the dishwasher. When I broached the subject of housework he said I work full time you don’t

indont expect him to do much housework but is it fair that every single thing is down to me?

OP posts:
LolaSmiles · 04/11/2023 20:33

This isn't about a fair allocation of chores.

This is about a lazy man who's seen a nice way to save some money and thinks he can get his feet under the table whilst you pick up after him.

You deserve better.

DebussytoaDiscoBeat · 04/11/2023 20:35

If you don't have joint finances then the extra hours he works are for his benefit, not yours. If he's expecting you to pick up his share of the housework then those part-time hours you're taking a financial hit for are also for his benefit, not yours. He's shown you who he is; believe him.

Chichimcgee · 04/11/2023 20:36

I always think if you both work full time everything else should be 50/50
if someone works less out of the house they should work more in the house.

he is acting like a brat, he wants to be mothered and live rent free. He is completely taking advantage of you.

Pumpkinpie1 · 04/11/2023 23:59

Your house your rules
Personally I think he is mistaking you for his mother.
So you really want to bring him up as well as any future children

whocaresmore · 05/11/2023 00:02

It's easy to see what he gets from this relationship. Free accommodation, a housekeeper and a fuck buddy.
What are you getting OP? Aside from a whole lot more housework and increasing resentment??
He's taking the absolute piss.

TomatoSandwiches · 05/11/2023 00:24

These type of men never appreciate anything op and think of only themselves. They take, take and take, suck the life out of you eventually, they think they deserve everything they can weasle out of you be it sex, cooking, cleaning, anything that benefits them.
Don't settle for someone like that, they never change.

GrumpyPanda · 05/11/2023 00:54

Chichimcgee · 04/11/2023 20:36

I always think if you both work full time everything else should be 50/50
if someone works less out of the house they should work more in the house.

he is acting like a brat, he wants to be mothered and live rent free. He is completely taking advantage of you.

That's ridiculous in this case. OP works less hours because she prioritizes the extra time over the extra money - not to play skivy to a feckless male. They don't share finances so he's not subsidizing her, on the contrary she's subsidizing him by letting him live rent-free. If he resents spending longer in the office, he can always cut his own hours.

OP - get rid. He's so far from reasonable there's no point even arguing.

Codlingmoths · 05/11/2023 00:56

Move that lazy selfish fucker straight back out again.

BatshitCrazyWoman · 05/11/2023 05:46

whocaresmore · 05/11/2023 00:02

It's easy to see what he gets from this relationship. Free accommodation, a housekeeper and a fuck buddy.
What are you getting OP? Aside from a whole lot more housework and increasing resentment??
He's taking the absolute piss.

Yes this. I'd ask him to leave. You can still see each other (although I'd be less keen, having seen his attitude) but he can live on his own, and you won't have to clean and tidy his stuff.

Bloody cheek of the man.

Guiltyfeethavegotnorhythm0 · 05/11/2023 05:56

Nip this in the bud now , if have kids with him you'll be a doormat and a drudge forever more .

Ju1ieAndrews · 05/11/2023 07:14

The good thing is you're in your house and can just ask him to leave.

He's likely to be resistant because obviously he's on a winner; no rent/mortgage to pay, someone who cooks and cleans up after him, where else is he going to get that?

Say that you're perfectly happy to date him, but you can't live with someone who doesn't pull their weight. I bet if he moves out he'll have no interest in dating you (unless it's coming over to your house, eating meals that you cook and clean up after 🙄).

He's looking for a mother, not an equal partner.

RedRobyn2021 · 05/11/2023 08:30

Honestly OP, he's taking the piss big style.

What does he have to say for himself when you confront him?

If things didn't change immediately, I'd be chucking him out.

billy1966 · 05/11/2023 08:44

So you have moved an absolutely lazy selfish loser into your home, where he lives rent free and expects you to skivvy for him.....and you do?

The real question is why did you work so hard to work part time and then throw it all away by moving a lazy, selfish, disrespectful loser into your home.

Kindly meant but your relationship bar must be very low.

It is unbelievable you are tolerating this🤷🏻‍♀️.

HE cannot believe his luck at finding a rent free situation with a complete mug who is his skivvy🤷🏻‍♀️.

You deserve better.

billy1966 · 05/11/2023 08:46

Oh, and he clearly thinks you are absolutely desperate for a man, any man.

mumofthree2b · 05/11/2023 09:20

Just for some prospective, I work part time and my partner works full time, I have 2 little ones under 3 and I would say that actually my partner does more house work than I do!

Krystall · 05/11/2023 09:31

Zelsa30 · 04/11/2023 15:04

Thing is as although I’m part time I still
work Monday to Friday (business requirements but I just finish earlier each day !

It is still part time. I work five days a week but only five hours a day and I am definitely part time and have more spare time than my husband does. How I got to be part time is irrelevant.

I do think you should be picking up more of the housework, but you shouldn’t have to do everything and his attitude that you should would be really off putting to me, I couldn’t live with a man like that.

DifferentPlanet · 05/11/2023 11:51

For those saying the OP should do more because she works PT, why should she be penalised for working hard to be able to be in that situation?

Fireandflames · 05/11/2023 11:58

I’d be telling him to buck up his ideas or leave.

KirstenBlest · 05/11/2023 12:06

You have a permanent guest in your house. Just get rid.

billy1966 · 05/11/2023 12:55

DifferentPlanet · 05/11/2023 11:51

For those saying the OP should do more because she works PT, why should she be penalised for working hard to be able to be in that situation?

Only on planet MN does a woman own her own home morgage free, work part time, move in a loser who pays nothing in rent and is told she should be doing the majority of the housework because she has created a self funding life which only requires her to work part time 🤷🏻‍♀️.

OP, you might as well hand over half the house and put him onnthe deeds🙄.

Original poster
Zelsa30 · 05/11/2023 13:03

Thanks for everyone’s responses and views on the subject, it’s much appreciated

OP posts:
SheilaFentiman · 05/11/2023 13:06

RandomMess · 04/11/2023 15:05

The entitlement from him would make me end it tbh.

This

SheilaFentiman · 05/11/2023 13:12

The killer is that he is not trying to reach h agreement with you as to what is fair - eg you picking up the hoovering and the weekly shop in your spare time - he is stating that you should do everything. Zero respect. He’s not at work when he puts the plate on the side but not in the dishwasher, is he?!?

Original poster
Zelsa30 · 05/11/2023 13:34

Update, I don’t want to write too much as I would hate to be identified somehow, we’ve just had an argument about it, if I can’t even broach the subject then it’s time for him to go I think as this is going to just carry on, you should be able to bring up your feelings without an argument

OP posts:
Ju1ieAndrews · 05/11/2023 13:51

I'm going to bet the argument wasn't about him saying "you do too much, I want you to put your feet up for a change and let me do the housework today" 🙄

Most disappointing about this was that you'd done your due diligence and he had a clean and tidy home that he lived in prior to being with you, so you know that he's capable of doing it, he just feels like you're his servant.