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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Absolutely bloody furious - ex wants me penniless!

27 replies

OhComeLetUsADiorHim · 18/12/2004 20:30

What happened here?

OP posts:
dustercember · 18/12/2004 20:30

??????????
That's the second thread that's been empty tonight.
Please try again, whoever you are.

rickman · 18/12/2004 20:39

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popsycal · 18/12/2004 20:41

Wig and robe is the person you need...she is off line til monday but I am sure she will offer you some fab advice then

xxx

rickman · 18/12/2004 21:09

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cranberryjampot · 18/12/2004 21:10

can you move back into the matrimonial home and kick him out instead?

rickman · 18/12/2004 21:12

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dustercember · 18/12/2004 21:27

Even though you weren't married, you might find some help with the financial situation here
It was a lifesaver for me when I was divorcing, practically and emotionally.
HTH.

rickman · 19/12/2004 10:14

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cranberryjampot · 19/12/2004 10:18

Im sure my BIL says that there is a new CSA guideline of 15% of salary for 1 child and 25% of salary for more than one, regardless of income. have you heard that one?

FestiveFrex · 19/12/2004 10:22

Rickman, this is such a familiar scenario. These men don't and probably won't see that it is the children who suffer - mainly because they realise that their children's mothers will fight tooth and nail to ensure that their children don't suffer. They merely see this as a means of getting back at the woman who dared to reject them.

My younger sister received a letter yesterday from her ex's solicitor threatening to have her committed to prison if she doesn't pay him the measly sum of £400 which he alleges she owes him. This is the man who spent £4000 on solicitors and barristers to avoid having to increase his maintenance for their two children. Got to admire his timing, just before Christmas, haven't you??

The problem with the CSA is that they don't have the resources to investigate financial information provided by absent parents. You can ask them to reassess him, but it will take a long time and probably won't change much - especially as he isn't a "normal" employee. If he does reduce maintenance, would this entitle you to more benefits?

rickman · 19/12/2004 10:24

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FestiveFrex · 19/12/2004 10:28

I agree that it's difficult and so hurtful. The only consolation is that, when they are older, they will see what sort of man their father is and will appreciate how wonderful their mother is.

My niece has no contact at all with her father, because of the way he has behaved towards them, which I think is really sad. Problem is that he doesn't seem to care .

My only advice is for you to try to rise above it. If he is doing it to get at you, don't let him see that it bothers you. You can point out that his children will learn what sort of man he is and hope that that will prick his conscience. But, if it doesn't, there isn't much you can do about it.

Who is your solicitor (if you don't mind me asking)?

rickman · 19/12/2004 10:36

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rickman · 19/12/2004 10:36

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FestiveFrex · 19/12/2004 10:40

It's very difficult to separate the issues of maintenance and contact. Some men feel that, if they don't have contact, it's OK for them to stop paying maintenance. It's not. Equally, where an absent father pays little or no money, some women feel that they shouldn't have contact. Again, that's not right.

Even if he can't put the needs of the children first, you must. They need to see their father and will thank you for facilitating this when they are old enough to appreciate it.

All you can do is point out that his getting at you by withholding maintenance (or at least a decent rate) is eventually going to backfire when the children realise what he is doing.

If you're not happy with Reeves & Co, try Sharon Hawkins at Berry & Berry. They do legal aid. If Sharon isn't available, she has at least 2 colleagues who specialise in family law and will take on legal aid clients.

rickman · 19/12/2004 10:46

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FestiveFrex · 19/12/2004 11:07

Contact Berry and Berry to see if they can take you on. Explain that you are currently using Reeves, but that you are unhappy with them. they will probably get you to sign a form of authorisation and will contact Reeves to obtain your file.

IwigitcouldbeXmaseveryday · 19/12/2004 11:58

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rickman · 20/12/2004 10:18

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rickman · 20/12/2004 15:26

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aloha · 20/12/2004 15:51

I don't understand either. A jointly owned home is a jointly owned home. It's half yours! Why is she being so negative? I really think you need a new solicitor. Maybe someone with legal experience could help you here.

pantomimEDAMe · 20/12/2004 16:11

Another poster who doesn't understand... surely it's obvious that you have children to support and own half the house? What's her problem? Agree with Aloha, your solicitor sounds mad - although that's not much comfort if you have to wait six months. You need W&R to come back again, in the meantime.

feastofstevenmom · 20/12/2004 16:12

i would try calling up the Legal Aid Board yourself and asking what would happen if you wanted to change solicitors - just to double check if you really would have to wait six months for any further assistance.

pantomimEDAMe · 20/12/2004 16:16

Have you tried Citizen's Advice Bureaux? They might be able to recommend legal aid solicitor or do something on your behalf...

rickman · 20/12/2004 16:26

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