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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Cruel man I'm hurting really bad

50 replies

hardwork86 · 02/11/2023 23:34

Around 9 month ago I was dumped not the first time but a vile cycle of push pull. Lots of emotional abuse. Lots of love bombing future faking. This all went on for 3 years and I've had extensive counselling. He cut all contact with me for 7 month. Basically got back with his ex. First few month were pretty brutal crying my self to sleep at night even tho he's toxic I was still madly inlove with him. By 6 month mark things have got better I got a new career I've started dating things are much better.

Then about 5 weeks ago he contacted me said he made a massive mistake and I was the love of his life. Although i would never go there again I have a lot of wounds and pain from him. I agreed to talk on the phone to him but then realised he was playing same old tricks. I said to him I'm not interested and for about 2 weeks he harassed me rang emailed sent flowers to my new job alsorts. I've stayed strong and not contacted him. Then out of the blue I got a message off him today on a different number him telling me him and his ex were trying again trying for a baby and have booked Christmas away on New York. Said he was 100% happy and he regretted even getting involved with me, although I shouldn't care. It hurts like hell even tho I don't want him. Please why am I feeling like this.

OP posts:
SkySecret · 02/11/2023 23:42

Unbelievably cruel.

I’d think he was surprised by your rebuttal and it bruised his frail ego, so what he’s now said to you is his way of hurting you for daring to put him in his place and tell him he’s not good enough for you. Don’t let him get what he wants!

he’s a loser and you are well rid. The best way to hurt him is to hold your head up and show the world you’re moving on and happy without him. Best of luck :)

Louise303 · 02/11/2023 23:58

Send the messages to his partner you rejected him and he wants to hurt you if it was me I would want to know.

Original poster
hardwork86 · 03/11/2023 00:00

I get what you mean but he's horrible he would just blame me. He always wins gets the upper hand I have wanted to but I'd just get my karma

OP posts:
MiddleagedBeachbum · 03/11/2023 00:03

My goodness. You’re hurting because this is someone you thought you knew and loved and now they’re intentionally going out of their way to try and inflict emotional pain on you.

this is abuse. That’s why it hurts so bad.
you’ve been badly abused and anyone would be feeling this.

I'm so sorry.

You are already so much stronger and powerful, now you know the warning signs this will never happen again.

Well done for extracting yourself.

RamblinRosie · 03/11/2023 00:09

Ignore, he wants a reaction. And it will piss him off to be ignored.

You’re feeling like this because you haven’t really recovered from, what was an abusive, relationship. To quote Judge Judy, “Kiss the floor “ because you are worth so much more.

MagentaRocks · 03/11/2023 00:10

He hasn’t won. You have - you no longer have to put up with his behaviour towards you. I know it’s hard, you are grieving a relationship and who you wanted him to be. You can do this, you have got through the last 9 months.

what a dick though, why would he do that to you. He is a selfish wanker.

Nicole1111 · 03/11/2023 00:20

Trauma bond

MrsTerryPratchett · 03/11/2023 00:22

MagentaRocks · 03/11/2023 00:10

He hasn’t won. You have - you no longer have to put up with his behaviour towards you. I know it’s hard, you are grieving a relationship and who you wanted him to be. You can do this, you have got through the last 9 months.

what a dick though, why would he do that to you. He is a selfish wanker.

This. He has to live with himself every day. How dreadful.

Original poster
hardwork86 · 03/11/2023 00:25

I know thank you and yes definitely trauma bond been working with my counsellor on how none of it was real. But it was real to me I loved him with all my heart and he just abused it.

I will never allow him back in my life. But it still stings when he says cruel things. Confused

OP posts:
Louise303 · 03/11/2023 00:25

You are probably better off not telling her come to think of it he will hurt more having no response from you. I think he is probably far fetching how perfect his life is. Hopefully she has dumped him or he is miserable and not happy in the relationship you deserve better hope you meet someone nice in future.

Original poster
hardwork86 · 03/11/2023 00:27

Louise303 · 03/11/2023 00:25

You are probably better off not telling her come to think of it he will hurt more having no response from you. I think he is probably far fetching how perfect his life is. Hopefully she has dumped him or he is miserable and not happy in the relationship you deserve better hope you meet someone nice in future.

Yeah he would manipulate it all to bring me. I think it would blow up in my face. I do get it tho I have wanted to. I'm hoping karma comes around naturally

OP posts:
KeepJoggingOn · 03/11/2023 00:31

Wish him all the best, block and delete.
Remember they're are people out there yet to come into your life, l hope you meet someone really decent and kind.

spookehtooth · 03/11/2023 00:49

^ what keepjoggingon said. Maybe even harder, just nothing & block & repeat if it trys to weazel around the block. It's feeding off replies & reaction, so starve it

NutellaNut · 03/11/2023 01:07

Block and delete. You had a lucky escape when he showed his true colours before he completely reeled you back in again. Block him on everything and delete his number.

OrderOfTheKookaburra · 03/11/2023 01:40

"Excellent! Maybe now you'll leave me alone?!"

Symphony830 · 03/11/2023 01:44

I am so pleased to hear that you are over this man and won’t allow him back into your life.
The best thing you could do now is go on permanent silent. Block him. You are making progress and successfully moving on from a man who has treated you very poorly. If you don’t permanently cease contact any time he contacts you, it will end up riling you up with more unnecessary hurt. When you respond - he wins.

Topseyt123 · 03/11/2023 01:52

Block and delete any number this lowlife calls you on.

Other than that do not dignify it with a response. He is trying to get a rise out of you so just don't give him one.

CheekyHobson · 03/11/2023 01:54

The man’s words have no integrity. One month you’re the love of his life, the next he’s glad to be rid. Did you become a different person in that month? No. All that happened is that he changed from using his words to try to get something from you to using his words to punish you for not giving him what he wanted. And you saw the same cycle for years before that.

The person to be most sorry for here is his ex. He left her, spent three years fucking you around, went back to her, tried to come back to you, and now has gone back to her. She clearly hasn’t learned the lesson you already have, which is to stop engaging with his fair-weather feelings.

Original poster
hardwork86 · 03/11/2023 17:11

Thanks he emailed me twice today saying why have you blocked me ConfusedBlush then proceeded to say on the send email time is running out if I don't reply to him he will lose me for ever.

The guy who told me he was trying for a baby and is happy wished he never met me. 1 year ago I'd of been overjoyed now I'm like what an earth did I get my self in too

OP posts:
Namechange666 · 03/11/2023 18:00

Please block him on everything and especially email. You deserve so much better.

He is a first prize for sure.... a first place twat!

Please please don't feed his ego anymore.

CheekyHobson · 03/11/2023 18:01

1 year ago I'd of been overjoyed now I'm like what an earth did I get my self in too

That's a lot of growth in a year, so be proud of yourself.

Just keep blocking the ways this man's poisonous words can reach you and eventually yes, he will lose you forever, and that will be a good thing.

Petallove · 04/11/2023 00:02

He is playing games and you saw through him. For that you should be proud of yourself. Feel sorry for the girlfriend and be happy! You’ve got this even if it hurts. It will get better but keep blocking him!

SkaneTos · 04/11/2023 00:09

Block and delete.

Neelsplace · 15/11/2023 19:14

Sounds like maybe it’s the other woman texting?
In any case he sounds like a loser and better that he’s somebody else’s problem now.

MrsDanversGlidesAgain · 15/11/2023 19:16

Said he was 100% happy and he regretted even getting involved with me

"Mate, you can't regret it half as much as I do." And block. Or just block.

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