Cruel man I'm hurting really bad

[hardwork86]

Around 9 month ago I was dumped not the first time but a vile cycle of push pull. Lots of emotional abuse. Lots of love bombing future faking. This all went on for 3 years and I've had extensive counselling. He cut all contact with me for 7 month. Basically got back with his ex. First few month were pretty brutal crying my self to sleep at night even tho he's toxic I was still madly inlove with him. By 6 month mark things have got better I got a new career I've started dating things are much better.

Then about 5 weeks ago he contacted me said he made a massive mistake and I was the love of his life. Although i would never go there again I have a lot of wounds and pain from him. I agreed to talk on the phone to him but then realised he was playing same old tricks. I said to him I'm not interested and for about 2 weeks he harassed me rang emailed sent flowers to my new job alsorts. I've stayed strong and not contacted him. Then out of the blue I got a message off him today on a different number him telling me him and his ex were trying again trying for a baby and have booked Christmas away on New York. Said he was 100% happy and he regretted even getting involved with me, although I shouldn't care. It hurts like hell even tho I don't want him. Please why am I feeling like this.

Hopefully you have now blocked him.

If he does somehow manage to contact you again just sigh and say "Not you again you absolute crashing bore, why would you think I have any interest in you? Fuck off to Fuckoffsville".

Then about 5 weeks ago he contacted me said he made a massive mistake and I was the love of his life. Although i would never go there again I have a lot of wounds and pain from him. I agreed to talk on the phone to him but then realised he was playing same old tricks. I said to him I'm not interested and for about 2 weeks he harassed me rang emailed sent flowers to my new job alsorts. I've stayed strong and not contacted him. Then out of the blue I got a message off him today on a different number him telling me him and his ex were trying again trying for a baby and have booked Christmas away on New York. Said he was 100% happy

He's 100% happy and trying for a baby but up til 3 weeks ago he was harassing you for a other chance and sending you flowers.

Sounds like a real steady, non flaky, well adjusted, reliable, stable, sensible guy.

What a catch.

His poor fkg ex/not ex.

He's a screwball and is always going to be a screw ball.

Anyway his message is basically "You were clever enough not to take me back so now I'm going to say a big fuck you, I don't care, I have someone else and it's all going wonderfully and we're trying for a baby!".

Okaaay then.

Would couldn't be perfect about a relationship that has you badgering your ex, telling her sites the love of your life and sending her flowers three weeks ago.

What a train crash of an individual.

What an absolute maniac. I’m so sorry OP. I would be seething with anger about the malignant mind games played by this vile individual.

It will get better, I promise 💐

Well done for being strong OP. It’s awful when you love someone and they don’t have the capacity to love back. He sounds like he has narcissistic traits and he’s hoovering you again.

His message was bullshit trying to get a reaction from you. Happy well-balanced people don’t text exs saying how happy they are!

The emails confirm he’s trying to hoover you back in. Probably won’t be the last time he tries.

Please ignore and block on all channels and carry on building your life back up without him. You’ve done the hardest work already 💐

He's so...icky.

Side note op but 9 months out of an abusive relationship is really too soon to be dating again.
I know you've had therapy but honestly it takes years of doing the proper work (reading up on abusers etc) before it's even normal level safe (and even that's not that safe) to be dating again.

You'll likely attract more like him or worse this soon along.

I'd take another year single at least. Make sure to do the freedom programme. And read up constantly, throughout life, on how to spot abuse. Take no chances.

He's a horrible manipulative creep.

Block him everywhere. If you need to, tell him not to contact you again or you'll contact the police.

Block and be glad he's not your problem anymore

Block him on everything.
Tell a trusted colleague that he is a crazy ex and you have had to block him. Let them be aware that if he ever try’s to contact you at work that they must not put him through to you.
If he dies send send flowers etc throw them in the bin.
He sounds absolutely unhinged. You are well rid of him.

He 'lost' when he was trying to get you back. As a punishment, he's doing his best to hurt you.

You feel upset because he has emotionally bruised and battered you, and this is one more bruise.

You will get over it soon!

He sounds like a nutty stalker. He would creep me right out.
why does he’s keep contacting different ways and methods. Weird.

Hi all, how strange I got more reply's on this post tonight. He's goes quite for days then finds some way to email me. Emails are coming through even tho I have blocked but they go to junk mail. I just keep saving them in a folder called crazy and if it gets worse I'll contact the police:

He went quite then all of a sudden today he messaged saying please answer this one thing has the love gone. I ignored and he sent another one saying the least I could do is reply because he's hurting badly. Hahahaahha no f**ks given when he just ghosted me for months.

He has a personality disorder of some kind and I can't medically diagnose him but he's externally narcissistic

I'm staying strong won't reply

Stop giving him headspace. He does not deserve it.

You said you have had counselling, but have you done the Freedom Programme? This will help you to move forward and heal from this relationship.

Should you decide to have another relationship, you will have learnt about boundaries and healthy behaviour so that you do not end up with another abusive man. It is really worth doing.

OP, you're a star.

Might be worth changing your email

He's probably lying. If he is with a woman you should actually thank your lucky stars you're not in her place. He's no prize. It seems whilst they were reconciling trying for a baby etc, he was telling you that you're the love of his life. He's an absolute fool and loyalty clearly isn't his strong point either. He can do nothing positive for you. If he has a personality disorder or is narcissistic then leave him to deal with that, why bother to try to assess or diagnose? He is who he is. These types never end up happy and will be an eternal pita to some woman or other who'll put up with them. & not every woman will, he'll meet his match. He'll probably be back, his need to 'win' will be strong. You're best off blocking him so he doesnt have the chance to talk rubbish again. A man like that telling you he loves you = disaster all round

all of a sudden today he messaged saying please answer this one thing has the love gone. I ignored and he sent another one saying the least I could do is reply because he's hurting badly.

How is he finding the time and motivation given he's currently deeply loved up with his ex and trying for a baby??

He wants relief from hurt from you, the person he hurt badly?

What an empathy-void narc.

You're right about the personality disorder.

As I said, he's a train wreck of an individual.

Best to stay well clear.

I can't believe nutters like this actually exist but they do. He's a complete maniac. Christ help any future child of his, they'll be traumatised.

Be glad he's gone.

You're brilliant Op.

Just keep blocking and ignoring. I love the 'crazy' file.

You know he's bad for you. You know he doesn't love you. You know he's incapable of a proper, grown-up relationship. You know he's only chasing you to play mind games nad to feed his own ego. You know if you cave, even in a small way, he'll see that as a win, and will just keep trying to get a response from you.

Ignore. Ignore. Ignore. Everyt time, you become stronger and more powerful.

You know you deserve better.

You should go to the police, he's being a nuisance now. You can get a Stalking Protection Order to stop him contacting you.
https://www.gov.uk/government/news/government-gives-police-new-powers-to-protect-victims-of-stalking

If you don't at this stage want to involve the police you could just reply with the above link, in the hope it might put him off.

OP he's just baiting his line. Keep on ignoring and blocking, that way you win!

What an asshat he is

If you know this about him he has shown you he has very narcissistic traits. Block him and move on. You deserve so much better. You are more than likely trauma bonded. Do some work to heal yourself and give the love you would give him to yourself. Do not engage in his games.

You did the right thing your gut told you to protect yourself, and you didn’t give in you stayed strong and didn’t take him on.. let him continue this unhealthy cycle with his ex, trying for a baby even though they are constantly on and off YOU HAD A LUCKY ESCAPE continue with your healing and your career and enjoying dating again… soon you’ll look back and see that you dodged a bullet!! Good luck to you girl❤️

This. If you ever feel you have to reply to finish him off this is the perfect crushing response.
Also try doing a visualisation— this one worked with my ex husband. I’m not a smoker but imagine a cigarette you're holding where the ash gets longer and longer, that is him, getting greyer and greyer, less and less interesting. Then you flick the ash to the ground, grind it in with your shoe and walk away to somewhere fabulous.

Stay strong, any reply whatsoever will only encourage him as it signals him "keep emailing her, eventually she WILL reply". It's the act of responding, not the content of it, that feeds him.

It's a classic behavioural training thing, where unwanted behaviour needs to be totally ignored. He's successfully reeled you in before after casting you off, that's what's powering his persistence, the conviction that it works eventually. If it's been successful with multiple people, it's more deeply engrained. It makes his determination very strong, and that's what makes ignoring him hard. Your only countermove, ignoring him, is training yourself to have a higher level of resistance. Reporting him for stalking is helpful assistance, but don't engage to tell him about it

If you even reply once - he will know he's got to you.

I guarantee, if you reply to him he will be abusive in some way then rock on!

Its all a game to him - he doesn't care about you. Its just driving him crazy that you haven't replied. It drives men crazy to be ignored and he's no exception.

Don't reply - if he continues to harass you, contact the police and show them the mails and get them to make contact with him or get a barring order against him. He'll shit himself!

Then block and enjoy your life!