Not sure I’d have chosen this life

[Magicbeads]

Dh works endless hours. I’m alone with small children. He doesn’t message or let me know anything. Around half six I get an inevitable text he’s late.

I can’t do much about it. Just venting.

Quite. It seems the OP thinks that anyone who doesn't agree wholly and entirely with her is not worthy of hearing.

Perhaps the OP has nothing better to do when she is at work (which she currently isn't) than texting people. But not everyone feels the need to be texting unless there is a purpose to doing so. And it's great that she thinks money is irrelevant - it isn't irrelevant if you don't have a job! Or even enough money. She seems to have missed out the entire of my first paragraph. The relaity is that if she wants him to work less and text more, that is a conversation to (a) have with him and not MN and (b) be prepared for the fact that that may have consequences - employment is tough in many places now, and the door is often not as far away as people would like.

Whilst I may have some sympathy for how she is feeling, these are the choices she made - she could have stayed in work and him be the stay at home parent; gone back to work and placed the child in nursery; and if she is feeling isolated then there are solutions that do not involve him having to text her. Parenting and taking responsibility and sharing the load is a different matter, but still one that needs to be discussed.

But it was the OP who said that she wouldn't have chosen this life, not me - and choose it she did. So if she wants a different choice then that is also down to her.

I hear women complain about this often. They want their H to have a decent job and bring home the golden beans but at the same time they do not want their H to be out of the house more than 9-5. Life doesn't work like that. You don't get paid good money for doing nothing. @Magicbeads you need to discuss if you would rather have your H around more and less money.

You dint think that things change over time?

My dh was very much 50/50 before we had children.
But when I had our first and then second, he reverted back to the 1950s.

Blaming women for men’s behaviour is not ok.

I think many people don't want the extra money and would rather have a healthy balance. It's not always about the money, a lot of men do this for ego based reasons.

OP the only chance I would accept for me or my partner working that much of hours is that we are cashing out loads, hundreds of thousands at least and I would accept it during a certain period of time not forever. If that is not the case it may be good to start thinking in a job change. That amount of time working is not sustainable in the long term at least not for me.
Have you spoke about a job changing etc?
Life is a balance of multiple things.

Blame? No. But women do need to take some responsibility for their own actions. You chose to have a second child with a man who you saw had "reverted back to the 1950s" after you had a child.