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Original poster

Arguments & falling out

39 replies

tootrueblue · 31/10/2023 18:13

How often do you argue or fall out with your partner? Even if it's just a case of being in a mood with the other one? Trying to gauge how uncommon (and sad) my situation is.

OP posts:
gem10683 · 31/10/2023 18:22

Pretty much nearly on a daily basis. Mainly its because I'm tired as I work jight shifts and not slept well. Going to be getting alit less sleep now over the next few weeks as doing school pick up and go sleep as soon as i get home instead of winding down as I'm used to sleeping 10am til 5.30pm now ill be sleeping 9am til 2.30pm so losing 3 hrs.

Pussygaloregalapagos · 31/10/2023 18:23

Once or twice a week.

Tiredbehyondbelief · 31/10/2023 18:30

We hardly ever argue now. Maybe 2-3 times a year. It took a long time to get at this point. Unfortunately they don't teach relationships at school or uni. Do you like reading? I highly recommend Why Women Talk and Men Walk book (available on Amazon). The subtitle is How to improve your relationship without talking about it. There are many more good books on relationships. One of my favourites is 5 Languages of Love. hope it helps

Original poster
tootrueblue · 31/10/2023 18:53

@Pussygaloregalapagos @gem10683 do you make up after each time or just go back to being normal?

OP posts:
Orangello · 31/10/2023 18:54

We've had 3 arguments in 15 years.

Original poster
tootrueblue · 31/10/2023 18:54

Thanks @Tiredbehyondbelief I'm 4 years in and so utterly fed up of it. I've done love languages - quality time and physical touch are my front runners. I'll look into the book, thank you.

OP posts:
gem10683 · 31/10/2023 19:01

@tootrueblue he never says sorry so go back to being normal
I'm stubborn as well but when I try going back to normal it's like.tou expect me to be OK with how you spoke . I always get the blame.

gannett · 31/10/2023 19:03

Probably two real rows with shouting in 11 years.

Arguments and falling out should never become a pattern in a healthy relationship.

Dacadactyl · 31/10/2023 19:04

We might have an argument once every 2 months where we disagree on how to approach somethibg. After we've both said our piece we will calm down and decide on best course of action. We've been together 17 years and have only gone to bed on an arguement twice. We usually make up that same day.

However, I'll get in a mood with him over something or other about once a fortnight but won't say anything. Usually because IABU.

Original poster
tootrueblue · 31/10/2023 20:08

We barely make it a week before he finds something else to fall out with me for and sleeps downstairs

OP posts:
Dacadactyl · 31/10/2023 20:09

What sort of things are you rowing about? Do you have kids together?

Original poster
tootrueblue · 31/10/2023 20:20

If he perceives me to be in a mood, even when I'm not. He woke me up 3 times during the night to cuddle me and thinks I'm completely unaffectionate to not be up for it so is sulking upstairs now. Sometimes arguments are because I don't initiate sex enough, that I've 'taken a tone' with him, he's very insecure so even mention of something in my life before him will cause a fallout

OP posts:
Original poster
tootrueblue · 31/10/2023 20:20

He has kids. I don't have any.

OP posts:
Orangello · 31/10/2023 20:23

I don't think he likes you much. Woke you up 3 times for no reason and let me guess, you are the unreasonable one`?

LusaBatoosa · 31/10/2023 20:37

tootrueblue · 31/10/2023 20:20

If he perceives me to be in a mood, even when I'm not. He woke me up 3 times during the night to cuddle me and thinks I'm completely unaffectionate to not be up for it so is sulking upstairs now. Sometimes arguments are because I don't initiate sex enough, that I've 'taken a tone' with him, he's very insecure so even mention of something in my life before him will cause a fallout

I’m confused by this. Does he think waking people for a cuddle is normal behaviour? And surely after the first time you said ‘I don’t want to’, so why did he keep doing it?

Sicario · 31/10/2023 20:43

Waking you up 3 times wanting sex then going into a sulk? That's grim. You realise you're not his emotional support animal / sex servant, right?

Regular arguing, silent-treatment and sulking are not features of normal healthy relationships. He sounds like an immature man baby.

TwilightSkies · 31/10/2023 20:45

It doesn’t sound like you’re getting much out of the relationship.

Original poster
tootrueblue · 31/10/2023 20:54

@LusaBatoosa I've found it's not worth making a fuss as I'd get the silent treatment or told I make him feel insecure. But I love my sleep and waking someone up when it's not for something urgent, seems really unfair.

OP posts:
Ffsebok · 31/10/2023 21:03

So he's already trained you to modify your behaviour so that you don't rock the boat.

Dacadactyl · 31/10/2023 21:11

I couldn't put up with that OP. It's not healthy. And maybe it goes some way to explain why he's not with the mother of his children.

TheShellBeach · 31/10/2023 21:16

tootrueblue · 31/10/2023 20:54

@LusaBatoosa I've found it's not worth making a fuss as I'd get the silent treatment or told I make him feel insecure. But I love my sleep and waking someone up when it's not for something urgent, seems really unfair.

This is no way to live your life.
You'd be so much happier if you left him.

FWIW my DH and I argue about every three months but we always make up and apologise within a few minutes.

Original poster
tootrueblue · 31/10/2023 21:23

I didn't think it was normal to fall out this much and it seems it's not. My previous relationships probably had 3/4 minor fall outs in years. Everything just always seems to be my fault and I'm the one who tends to try and resolve it each time

OP posts:
Imperfectp3rf3ction · 31/10/2023 21:26

I'm a firm believer in you have to love yourself before you can healthily love someone and if he is this insecure he may love you but never in a healthy way until he heals himself / deals with where ever the insecurity came from

Spurn · 31/10/2023 21:39

@tootrueblue it sounds to me as if he’s using his bad moods and arguments to manipulate you into compliance.

Daffodil63 · 31/10/2023 21:48

It shouldn't be this much hard work. Don't accept unacceptable behaviour, you may look back one and ask yourself why? You have one life, live your best life -move on