Affairs

[Mangotango123]

A man who I know is married. We message, often intimate stuff, and he’s made it clear he fancies me. He’s told me he thinks about us being intimate - a lot. He is however saying nothing can physically happen. He’s quite clear on that, but yet won’t ever be alone with me because he ‘doesn’t trust himself to not be good’ and ‘I just don’t trust myself’. If he is so adamant in his decision not to take things further, why is he so reluctant to be alone? I know I should just not bother messaging him at all, but it’s hard.

You're making a fool of yourself.
He knows you're available and he doesn't want you.
He enjoys the sexting - you're providing him with free porn to wank to.
Value yourself, for goodness sake.
You will feel like utter rubbish if he eventually gives in and shags you.
He'll ghost you after that because he'll be terrified of his wife finding out.

@Mangotango123
It’s only hard to stop messaging because you’re enjoying the attention and the ego boost.

Find another way to boost your self esteem as I guarantee this will just lower it in the long run

you don't owe his wife anything. You never made her vows and you aren't married to her so off you go and shag him

There's such as thing as actions that are ok and not ok. Shagging or even putting up with flirting from a married man is not ok.

Why are you even interested in him OP? Are you that desperate that you're willing to accept whatever scraps he throws you?

He's never going to want more from you than a massage for his ego, and that'll remain true even if he escalates to sleeping with you.

Find some self worth and block him

omg I'm cringing for you... How embarrassing!
If he really liked you that much he would leave his wife for you out of respect before starting anything and if he really liked you he would have respected you enough not to make a side chick out of you and if he really liked you he would have wished you happiness with a man who is better than him. You're being so daft omg.

He is reluctant to be alone with you because he finds you so alluring that his lust might outweigh his sense of duty and responsibility. Perhaps you remind him of the younger version of his wife and he wishes to re-live his youth. Or perhaps you are so beautiful that you are a temptation.
Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, and beauty is only skin deep.
It would be very silly of him to risk his marriage for a temporary shiny thing.

He is trying to reel you in and make you feel special and I think it may be working. Stop doing this and find someone single. No good will come of it.

Basically he loved the ego boost in the messages and knowing you would have he would meet you. He actually never has any intention though. In a way his being honest. Others would always only suggest when they knew you wouldn’t be able to such as looking after kids or somewhere too public to you can reject their offers to meet knowing safely they are off the hook from acting on anything because they knew you couldn’t. His say he won’t and your loving the fact he won’t because he couldn’t control himself if he did. When in fact his fully in control of stringing you along to meet his ego. Along with likely a couple of other women his messaging too.

When his wife finds out he can say with a clean slate no lie he never met you and never was going to.

It sounds like a line off Mills and Boon.
I think he's trying to absolve responsibility in advance, so if something were to happen it's then the op's fault for giving him the opportunity having been forewarned about his so called vulnerability to her temptation. I think he's manipulative spinning you a line where he is the decent man being seduced by this evil femme fatale. He's making it sound like he is a good guy and you are the devil temptress (jezebel?). It's not really a compliment, you could have been anyone as far as he is concerned, it just needed to be a woman with low self esteem and weak morals.

Sounds like a narcissistic, fantasist, loves the idea of women fighting over him. It's also a bit of an invitation to challenge, like he wants this game where you tease him more, he is enjoying the sexual tension and being this conflicted highly desirable man with women seducing him.. there is no heart-brain or lust and moral conflict but his ego is such that he is making it all grander than what it really is: a sleazy, cheating sexter.

Just block the sad old creep.

Absolutely 1000 per cent this.

I recognize his script so clearly, everything about it, the language, the tone, the intent of the message. He wants you to believe he’s a nice guy and you are special. So you’ll like him and fall for him. And think what you have is special and unique. Just like he gets all his other women to think this.

He’s a practiced liar and fraudster. Don’t fall for it.

Please don't fall for this shit. He's a pig.

Stop playing games with other women's men and give this sleaze no headspace

Leave alone! Been there done that don’t do it!

I'd just like to reemphasise in the spirit of @Fulneckaj that I've done this sort of thing @Mangotango123 and it makes for a very lonely life. Even if it goes into a full blown affair, you will be by yourself most nights while he's with his wife. It's far lonelier than being single. Even this amount of involvement is messing with your head.

Here’s my story!!!

dont get involved! Instead tell the other women what their men are doing behind their backs. Sounds like a lot of men are attracted to you when they are married so help save us all from these men!! I just wish I had the guts to do so…

I got involved with a guy called Stuart Townend. We had worked together for 3 years before we got involved. He was always flirty with all the girls at work. He seemed such a nice guy would do anything for anyone and go out of his way to support people.

He had just got engaged in 2019. His fiancée had two children under 10 and he had two children who were late teens.

He used me for a sexual relationship for ten months. It started in Autumn 2019 and we even kept meeting up in his car through lockdown into July 2020. We went to Edinburgh on a work trip together 200 miles in a car having a cheeky trip away was exciting! We had planned to go to Birmingham together for a work event too but lockdown happened. I thought it would end in lockdown, but he got more intense. We sent videos and photos to each other. Text all day and Snapchat our messages were flirty and hot. He made up lies to his fiancée to see me at my place and go for drinks and meals even though I lived a 40min drive away. We both left work early so we could meet up before we returned home at the correct time. He went to work early so we could hook up in his car too. We sneaked around. It was exciting.

I was unhappy with my boyfriend and really wanted me and Stu to work out. He moaned about his fiancée and her kids to me. I felt like they were over but could never understand why he’d proposed in summer of 2019 if things were that bad and then hooked up with me in October 2019 and things really got heated in November, December (Xmas works do!) and January and onwards.

But he suddenly ended things in the summer of 2020 and he got nasty with me. I left my job and started a new one later that year. I realise now he used me. I thought he was mature, being almost ten years older but he wasn’t and instead he was just having his cake and eating it too. I felt so used and ashamed. I saw his true colours and I feel so sorry for his fiancée. I would hate for this to happen to me and my fella to cheat on me like he did on his fiancée.

i learnt that he also cheated on the mum of his kids and girlfriends after that.

Please don’t fall for the crap and all the attention with this married man like I did. It’s not worth it.

i stayed with my boyfriend and now have a beautiful child who is almost two years old. I realise I was bored in my relationship and didn’t appreciate my safe relationship instead seeing it as boring. Not now. I love safe and happy. It’s loving. It’s kind and it’s passionate, just not always with a toddler around!!!

I still feel ashamed and stupid. Now that I see my beautiful son and being a family unit , I feel so guilty for almost splitting up a blended family and the damage that comes with that. The guilt lives with me.

Please stick to the girls code. Walk away from this man and if you can let the other women know!

He works in the shop next door and has flirted with you from the get-go.

He made it clear from the offset that he was attracted to me and would be very flirty.

@Mangotango123, you are not the only woman this married man is carrying on with. He gets a buzz by flirting with customers and having inappropriate cyber chat, but stops short of meeting up 1:1. His “I don’t trust myself to be good” is just a manipulative tactic to make you believe he struggles to resist you. And sure enough, you are lapping it up.

You were told in January that he gets off on using women for ego massages, but nevertheless you’ve allowed a ramp-up to sexting.

How are you justifying harming his Wife and diminishing yourself by choosing to be a part of his harem?

There's a barman who always gives me compliments. He's not particularly young and I presume he's married. I don't kid myself that I'm the only one or special.

Wouldn't go there doll ,take it from someone who knows happened to me .Tore my heart right out of me ,think of that happening to you "hurts babe"

His marriage is his responsibility but do you really think this is a good idea? He's clearly buttering you up to make you feel special and unique enough to fall for his crap. You surely can't believe that no other man would ever find you attractive?

You're smarter than this, come on. It's got disaster written all over it and while you're not responsible for his commitments, why would you deliberately enter into a pointless danger zone where no good can come of it?

Find someone else.

@Mangotango123 i saw your other thread from January, how mortifying-you’ve been offering yourself to your local shopkeeper for almost a year? 😄
Let your husband know. Focus on parenting your kid/get a hobby other than making a fool of yourself, there’s a whole world out there.

Barman definitely a player
Problem waiting to happen he's a snake coming off with it need catching poor wifey . Keep your head held high doll let him be the buglife an step on it ,xx

What a waste of your time OP.

You are not the home wrecker by the way he is.

Who's to say his wife wouldn't chuck him out?

Think of him as a sad little man who needs a text jerk off instead of living in the real world.

Honestly he sounds a sleaze. Sexting really cone on OP get a grip.

You are not the home wrecker by the way he is.

If OP goes along with it to any extent then she is helping that happen too. Her reply should just be 'you're married' and then block.