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Original poster

Spending Christmas alone in foreign country

58 replies

Clocksgobackautumngirl · 30/10/2023 07:14

My partner and I have just separated, although we still live together and will be for at least the next six months until our house is sold.
It has totally broken my heart and it’s made worse knowing Christmas is coming and all the emotions that brings. His family are coming to our house - because we have the most space. I’m absolutely dreading it.
My family (who I’m very close to) say I should spend it with them but I can’t face being the spinster aunt around all my lovely nieces and nephews. I’m late 40s, don’t have any children.
I dream of going off by myself for the week over Xmas eve, Christmas Day and Boxing Day to a hot country where I don’t have to listen to Last Christmas on repeat. It would honestly be like heaven for me right now.

  1. AIBU to spend it away from my family who say they’ll just worry about me the whole time being abroad on my own?
  2. has anyone done this and can you recommend somewhere hot and safe? Money isn’t really a big factor as I’m hoping to get a bit of equity from the house when it’s sold.
OP posts:
Inbeerwetrust · 30/10/2023 07:18

We spent last ones in UAE. There are still Christmassy things around but it's ok.

Global village is great distraction!

Very safe, clean.

Ladymarycrawley1920 · 30/10/2023 07:30

We spend every other Christmas somewhere hot. It’s marvellous. If I were going alone, I’d go to Mexico. Clean, friendly and safe. Christmas themed but not UK Christmas if that makes sense? “Feliz Navidad” rather than “Last Christmas”!! I would avoid Jamaica, India & Sri Lanka. Lovely places but I got some hassle even when with my DH so I don’t think I’d go alone. Or a cruise? They are good if you are alone, you can join in the singles activities or not. Avoid the big boats and if you want to splurge look at Regent, Silversea or Seabourne. All lovely.

PonteMinchi · 30/10/2023 07:36

If you want to, absolutely. But isn’t it unfair of him to expect to host his family if it means you’re essentially forced out of your own house?

I’ve spent Christmases in Oman, Syria, south India (and in much chillier places) — of those, Oman for you?

travailtotravel · 30/10/2023 07:37

We'll be on Cyprus on a walking holiday with Explore. Have a look x

kitchenhelprequired · 30/10/2023 07:45

Absolutely go. Go and explore southern Vietnam - Phu Quoc for a bit of beach time and Ho Chi Minh. Do a river cruise on the Mekong. If feeling more adventurous take a boat up to Cambodia. You could have an absolutely fabulous time exploring doing just what you want to do and can tailor cost to your budget. It's easy to find and book tours in specific places. Viator is a great place for ideas but you can always research alternatives once you know what's on offer.

Aixellency · 30/10/2023 07:59

For goodness sake! Those of you beginning with We went to … are completely cloth eared. The OP is asking about spending her Christmas alone.

Which is something I love doing - but in your case, @Clocksgobackautumngirl, you’d do well to address your self-hatred towards single aunts. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with not being in a couple. Or in being child free. Obviously you may be heartbroken - but it’s a shame to convert that into an implication that all unmarried women are worthless and not to be valued in family situations.

If you get on well with your family and want to spend Christmas with them, do that.

If not, the world’s your oyster.

helpfulperson · 30/10/2023 08:01

I'm going to the swiss alps on my own. I've gone half board to avoid any possible issues with restaurant opening hours etc. Plan is to spend most of my time either in the spa area or winter walking.

2jacqi · 30/10/2023 08:05

did you say he could have his family in your home for christmas since separating? I wouldnt be happy at that! what does he expect you to do? cook the lunch?? I would invite your family first to arrive before his and grab all the bedrooms! do they know you have separated?

Deargodletitgo · 30/10/2023 08:10

God I'd love a Christmas abroad and alone, if I'm single next year and kids with their dad, I'd do it.

Why would your parents worry about you being away at your age?

theduchessofspork · 30/10/2023 08:12

I went to Barbados once after completely knackering year. Staying in a B and B just back from the beach. 2 weeks over C’mas and NY.

So you could just book somewhere like that, or you could look into yoga retreat type things.

MeMySonAnd1 · 30/10/2023 08:15

I have done the three after a break up. Go to your family. End of.

theduchessofspork · 30/10/2023 08:15

… so I totally get going away and you should do it if you want to.

However I would reframe your vision of yourself from the spinster aunt thing. That is just daft.

user1492757084 · 30/10/2023 08:15

Yes, I would go some where warm by yourself.
Do you have a sister, niece or friend who would love to join you for similar reasons?
Take a good book. Come back well rested.

Inbeerwetrust · 30/10/2023 08:16

For goodness sake! Those of you beginning with We went to … are completely cloth eared. The OP is asking about spending her Christmas alone.

People can recommend safe and hot destinations for single female traveller even if they didn't go alone.

MrsDanversGlidesAgain · 30/10/2023 08:24

theduchessofspork · 30/10/2023 08:15

… so I totally get going away and you should do it if you want to.

However I would reframe your vision of yourself from the spinster aunt thing. That is just daft.

And if you want to go try to ignore your family's emotional manipulation about worrying about you all the time. It's a coded 'don't do something that will upset us.'

Agree with what everyone is saying about the spinster aunt thing.

Maddy70 · 30/10/2023 08:24

Cruises are the best if you are alone. No worries bout wandering out to restaurants at night, also lots of single travellers so you don't feel awkward. Wake up somewhere new every day

BigDahliaFan · 30/10/2023 08:25

I’d go be with my family….or another friend on their own.

Aixellency · 30/10/2023 08:25

theduchessofspork · 30/10/2023 08:15

… so I totally get going away and you should do it if you want to.

However I would reframe your vision of yourself from the spinster aunt thing. That is just daft.

I wish I’d said this so succinctly!

Morewineplease10 · 30/10/2023 08:25

Canaries would be more straightforward and is likely to be mid 20s.

If you stay in a big hotel it might be quite xmassy though.

notprincehamlet · 30/10/2023 08:26

Canaries? Have spent a few Christmasses (sp?) on Lanzarote - weather is good, sea is warm enough for swimming, it's safe and easy to get around, and it's quietly Christmassy (and 3 Kings is lovely). Treat yourself to a posh hotel or rent a lovely villa/apartment and order in everything you need.
my family who say they’ll just worry about me the whole time being abroad on my own
It's taken me decades to realise that telling someone you'll worry about them if they don't do what you want them to do is just very manipulative and nothing to do with the best interests of the person.

Aixellency · 30/10/2023 08:57

Inbeerwetrust · 30/10/2023 08:16

For goodness sake! Those of you beginning with We went to … are completely cloth eared. The OP is asking about spending her Christmas alone.

People can recommend safe and hot destinations for single female traveller even if they didn't go alone.

But the OP has just found herself single when she clearly doesn’t want to be.

Why are people rushing to rub their coupledom in her face?Confused

Original poster
Clocksgobackautumngirl · 30/10/2023 08:58

@Aixellency I totally get what you're saying and I don't feel that about other single, older women at all. The problem is, something really horrible has happened and my family feel very sorry for me. I just cannot bear the thought of sitting through three days of Christmas surrounded by people - no matter how close we are, and how much I love them - pitying me. I'm a very warm and outgoing person and I'll have to put on a face to be my normal bubbly self and I simply don't have the strength to do that. If I don't do that, I feel I'll ruin everyone' else's Christmas. I also just really, really want to be in the sun and drink cocktails.

OP posts:
Original poster
Clocksgobackautumngirl · 30/10/2023 08:59

Thank you for all your brilliant ideas. I am going to do it, and I think it'll either be a solo cruise (which aren't as crazy expensive as I thought they'd be) or Oman. Apparently it's the safest country in the world for women to travel solo. I was a bit worried with what's happening in the Middle East but there's no travel advice against going to Oman. Thank you all again.

OP posts:
hattie43 · 30/10/2023 09:07

Inbeerwetrust · 30/10/2023 08:16

For goodness sake! Those of you beginning with We went to … are completely cloth eared. The OP is asking about spending her Christmas alone.

People can recommend safe and hot destinations for single female traveller even if they didn't go alone.

They can but it's not overly helpful . As a lone female traveller you want to know if you get hassled , is it safe , solo tours once there , single supplements etc etc

hattie43 · 30/10/2023 09:08

Clocksgobackautumngirl · 30/10/2023 08:59

Thank you for all your brilliant ideas. I am going to do it, and I think it'll either be a solo cruise (which aren't as crazy expensive as I thought they'd be) or Oman. Apparently it's the safest country in the world for women to travel solo. I was a bit worried with what's happening in the Middle East but there's no travel advice against going to Oman. Thank you all again.

Oman seems a very random choice for a lone female . Having been to Bahrain I'd avoid anywhere like that.

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