Spending Christmas alone in foreign country

[Clocksgobackautumngirl]

My partner and I have just separated, although we still live together and will be for at least the next six months until our house is sold.
It has totally broken my heart and it’s made worse knowing Christmas is coming and all the emotions that brings. His family are coming to our house - because we have the most space. I’m absolutely dreading it.
My family (who I’m very close to) say I should spend it with them but I can’t face being the spinster aunt around all my lovely nieces and nephews. I’m late 40s, don’t have any children.
I dream of going off by myself for the week over Xmas eve, Christmas Day and Boxing Day to a hot country where I don’t have to listen to Last Christmas on repeat. It would honestly be like heaven for me right now.

1. AIBU to spend it away from my family who say they’ll just worry about me the whole time being abroad on my own?
2. has anyone done this and can you recommend somewhere hot and safe? Money isn’t really a big factor as I’m hoping to get a bit of equity from the house when it’s sold.

Three observations, but in short, stop thinking about everyone else:
I think go away if you want to, you might even find something geared up for single travellers? You parents shouldn't be worried about a 40 year old, if they are this is their problem, not yours.
I also agree that you need to reframe the spinster thing; its only you who is looking at yourself this way, the rest of the world aren't. If they are thinking poor old spinster @Clocksgobackautumngirl, this is their problem, not yours.
It's incredibly selfish of his family to impose when they know you have separated. They aren't your in laws anymore, and you don't owe them your safe place. The fact that you have the largest home is their problem, not yours.
In short, put yourself and what you want and need first.

@2jacqi it's just difficult because his children and parents will be there, it's all organised, and they will have travelled from the other end of the country. I'm not bothered about that anyway, I just want to be as far away as possible, really. He wouldn't have expected me to cook lunch.

Have you been in that situation though? I was for a decade and it is bloody miserable. Everyone else has heaps of presents from their partners and dc. You have one present from their family. It's not about greed but feeling you belong. In a happy family, the couples are embracing, but there's no one to embrace you spontaneously. There is expectation that you will grin and play with dc when you long for your own DC. It is an excruciatingly lonely situation to be in if it's not of your choosing, at the best of times, let alone when you've just been dumped and ousted from your home. She won;t feel able to express her pain because of pressure to keep Christmas sparkly for the little ones.

It's nothing to do with self-hatred of single aunts. It's to do with the profound sense of belonging and you can't fake that.

OP, you could look at an Explore/Exodus trip or specifically a trip for single travellers. That way you won't be totally alone, and will have some people to raise a glass with, but you'll be distracted. and don't worry about feeling a bit fragile. a few people go on those trips alone because their life isn't working out quite as they'd planned. You are unlikely to be the only one.

@Tempnamechng None of his family know we have separated, only my family. He probably won't tell them until they arrive and I'm certainly not going to. I really don't want what is a horrible situation turned into a psychodrama by speaking to his family about it. He can deal with the awkwardness while I'm not there.

Christmas is about love, peace, and hope. Sometimes it means spending time alone - with the person you should love and be at peace with the most (yourself).

I've spent Christmas alone abroad twice. Once I was in Brazil which was obviously Christmas there but it didn't feel christmassy at all. Maybe because I was at a small beach resort.

The other time I was in West Africa, Muslim country. I found some peace corps volunteers there who were celebrating Christmas with a Belgian guy who owned a hotel with his family, they invited me to join them, and I did.

Sometimes you end up having totally random experiences which are amazing, sometimes you end up bobbing around in the shallows of the southern Atlantic Ocean on your own which, if you're cool with your own company, can also be wonderful.

Oman will be lovely weather over Christmas; and it is absolutely safe for women solo travellers. I lived there on my own until very recently and never, ever felt uncomfortable. You are quite safe wandering around day or night (it is a JOY to go running there and to have absolutely no unwanted attention from men!) and Omanis are the most wonderful, hospitable people without being 'hassly'.

In your shoes I'd go to Thailand or Sri Lanka. Christmas won't be a big thing at a guest house on the beach, Thailand in particular well set up for solo travellers. You can eat fresh pineapple and pad Thai and spring rolls and do yoga and swim and read and sleep.

You could throw money at it and go somewhere like The Sanctuary but maybe check whether they'll be all Christmasssy

@Pekkala this sounds perfect. Thank you. Can you possibly recommend a good hotel or part of Oman to stay please?

Agree with @Whataretheodds - look at Thailand, Sri Lanka, Kerala, or if money's really no object consider the Body Holiday in St Lucia, which is heaving with rich single middle-aged women at this time of year! If I win the lottery I might see you there 😉

Thank you @Whataretheodds. I have been to Asia a few times and haven't always felt safe there.

Spinster?! Are we back in the 1950's? 🙄

OP, I've travelled a lot on my own. It's great, and shows you your own strengths.
I've met some amazing people all over the world. Most people are kind and helpful.

Check solo women's travel pages on FB and/or put it into the search box in The Guardian to give you inspiration.

I'm liking what I'm reading about Oman. Thanks posters!

That's a shame, including Thailand? Big continent, I wouldn't class every area the same, and felt v safe in Thailand as a solo female traveller. But your experiences will shape how you feel about a place and you want to feel comfortable.

Oman is gorgeous, I've been there a lot but never solo.

Body holiday also a good shout if they operate over Christmas. Every single woman I know who's been has had a fab time.

Also think about whether you want to be alone or you just don't want to be with family. If it's the second have a look at things like Explore Holidays, cruising, coach trips or companies like Just You.

At what age do you think you'll stop worrying about your kids? Especially heartbroken ones taking themselves off alone across the word rather than being with the family who love them? Honestly if your genuine opinion is you'd be ambivalent, I don't think it's ops parents who are the unusual ones.

I'll say it again, this isn't your problem. You don't have to make yourself scarce because he hasn't wanted to tell them yet. Start to put yourself first. Go if you want, but if you'll prefer to say in your own home alone then do it. Put a padlock on your bedroom door if you do go BTW.

I'm in Abu Dhabi, it is hot, extremely safe for women, and nothing closes for Christmas so you can still do all your sightseeing etc. Stay at Jumeirah Saadiyat, it's lovely.

Thank you. You bring back my faith in humanity

But she has explained she didn't mean that, she just doesn't want to be pitied for a full week.

I’ll rather take the pity than being pitying myself on my own sitting on a sun lounger abroad.

She is bound to feel lonely after the split, going to a place where she feels even more alone can only make her feel worse. That is, unless she is used to travel on her own, go to restaurants on her own and ok with having no one to talk to for days on end the best place to run to is the one with more support and more distractions.

Having experience of the OP's situation I would respectfully disagree with absolutely everything you've said. Have you been in this situation yourself?

There's nothing wrong with being on your own at Xmas - I'd love it! Just book yourself a holiday somewhere lovely, OP, and then have a fabulous and relaxing time.

Thanks @MeMySonAnd1. I hear you, and it's not for everyone. I've done a lot of travelling on my own around Asia, Australia, Europe etc. I do enjoy travelling alone because it forces you to make friends and have amazing experiences you'd never have otherwise. I've never done Christmas on my own in a foreign country though and felt bad about my family worrying about me.

I've never done Christmas on my own in a foreign country though and felt bad about my family worrying about me

That's the vicious circle stopping you doing it, OP, and that you have to get over if you decide to go it alone. They worry about you and you worry about them worrying. You might also need to decide how much this worry is being weaponised to make you do what they want instead of what you want.

I went to Oman on my own a few years ago! Have also been with the family many times. It’s a beautiful safe country and you will be treated well and there’s no weirdness about women. Obviously there’s an element of respecting the culture so you know - keep your top on when on the beach and cover your shoulders / knees off the beach.
for highest concentration of interesting stuff in a small area, I’d recommend going south to Salalah, but Muscat is also magnificent- you just need to travel a bit further for desert / wadis. Superb beaches in both. Flights at this stage are tricky - Air Oman is all but sold out between Christmas and NY but since you want to be aware for Christmas Day, it should be easier.