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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Im miserable

27 replies

MRSC2BE1 · 28/10/2023 12:17

I need to rant. Im so miserable. So my partners three children are with us every other weekend. All three are ASD and tbh can sometimes be quite challenging. But generally lovely kida who i adore.

My partner is doing my head in. He literally has no interest in these kids bar lookong like the better parent compared to their mother. He brings them up and literally eats dinner with them (which i cook) and then he wants to sit play xbox whilst they amuse themselves and then expects to be able to lie on to lunchtime every weekend. Then when he finally wakes up he sits and vapes in bed drinks coffee and sita on facebook. Literally doesnt have a clue whether they are awake or dressed or fed.

All three need prompting. He doesnt see this. He thinks they shoukd juat be able to get up get washed dressed and feed themselves. Why should he do it?

He conplains theor mum always wanted me time and didnt understand he was tired after work. But yet he will lie and fester in bed half the day??????

Today for example ive been up since 8 as have two of his kids. He lay on to 11 screamed at them to get up get dressed and washed and now hes away to work on a car whilst they all eat sweers for breakfast/lunch.

He expects me to sort them out when they are here and tbh i used to do it for the kods sake but now i dont. They are his kids not mine!!!.

I dread every time they are here tbh and its not because of the kods. I hate him when they are here. Hes such a lazy so and so and he thinks he is gods gift literally.

Cant take critism at all. Will turn it around on to me somehow. Quite frankly this behaviour repulses me. Sorry i just needed a rant.

OP posts:
Livinghappy · 28/10/2023 12:22

How long have you been together? What's the housing situation, Rent, own?

It isn't going to get better..no doubt his ex wife got sick of his attitude. He shouldn't have children as I suspect he sees the work of looking after children as women's work.

Why are you still with him?

AutumnFroglets · 28/10/2023 12:25

Its time to leave OP. Is it your place or joint?

Does their mother know of his neglect towards the children? She might be glad of the extra information so she can get better custody arrangements.

Don't put up with his abuse anymore. Dont let him abuse the children.

EvenMoreFuriousVexation · 28/10/2023 12:27

Stop doing it for him. Just stop. Tell him you're going out, and then go out, for the rest of today. Do the same again tomorrow.

I used to fall into this trap with new partners. "Oh let me be really helpful and show him what a good wifey I will make!" I cringe at myself now. I just made myself a doormat on which men would happily wipe their feet, and then if I wanted to make things more equal, they'd be astonished and outraged that I wanted them to start managing their own lives.

When you start giving someone your labour for free, you simply create a sense of entitlement in them. They stop being grateful (if they ever were) and become expectant instead.

frazzledasarock · 28/10/2023 12:28

This is why his ex left him. He’s an utter selfish waste of space.

Run OP run as fast your little legs will carry you.

What are his good points, he sounds utterly shit.

category12 · 28/10/2023 12:29

So split up with him.

Channellingsophistication · 28/10/2023 12:31

I’m not surprised you are miserable. I suspect this is how his wife felt which is why she is his ex-wife now. He is neglecting those children. Perhaps you should tell their mum..? Does he have any good points? It doesn’t sound like you are getting anything from this relationship.

Specso · 28/10/2023 12:33

He’s laying in bed and swanning around doing what he likes because he knows you‘ll look after his kids because you’re a kind person. He’s a selfish, inconsiderate twat who’s taking advantage of your kind nature.

It honestly won’t get any better, it never does with men like this. He’ll always just be looking for someone to look after him, his kids and the house so he can do whatever he wants.

Get out of the relationship and don’t look back. You can have a much better life without this lazy inconsiderate idiot. If you stay you’ll hate him all the time eventually, not just when the kids are there.

ZekeZeke · 28/10/2023 12:34

You are not married? Run l!!!

reallyworriedjobhunter · 28/10/2023 12:36

Who's house is it?

WhatNoRaisins · 28/10/2023 12:39

Run, this won't get better. Even if you've had his baby it's still better to run.

arethereanyleftatall · 28/10/2023 12:43

Just - why op? Why, why, why?

WHY do you stay with him? It makes absolutely zero sense to me. You don't like him - no one would - he's awful. So, why?

Is there a reason that you missed out of the op that you have to stay with him, because...#insert reason because I can't think of one.

LadyGaGasPokerFace · 28/10/2023 12:45

If it’s your house, take control. Chuck him out and let the mum know how useless he is and that he’s leaving the parenting to you. He’s not worth it.
If it’s not your house, move on for your happinesses sake.

MRSC2BE1 · 28/10/2023 13:27

Its my house. I dont know why im still in a relationship with him tbh. I blow up every once and a while and for a while its great and i get hopeful and then its straight back to same shit again. He literally turns my stomach lying on bed all the time and he wonders why i dont want or enjoy sex

OP posts:
WhatNoRaisins · 28/10/2023 13:28

You know he needs to go OP, you're not a charity.

Dotty87 · 28/10/2023 13:32

In all honesty, it sounds like their mum left him because he was a lazy selfish git who left everything to her. He doesn't want to do any of the actual parenting, and clearly sees that as "women's work".
They are his kids, he should be taking on the vast majority of the work, have you tried leaving the house and letting him get on with it?

Dotty87 · 28/10/2023 13:34

And the "me time" comment was clearly aimed at making you feel guilty for wanting any time to yourself, so that you won't ask him to do anything.

SallySunrise · 28/10/2023 13:35

Take the kids back to their mum. Pack his stuff and change the locks. Oh, and as PP said, give a written statement or his lack of parenting/neglect for the ex to use.

NotSuchASmugMarried · 28/10/2023 13:45

When was the last time he brought you a bunch of flowers?

MRSC2BE1 · 28/10/2023 13:55

Never tbh. I literally get damm all

OP posts:
Thisbig · 28/10/2023 14:00

This is him OP, everything else he showed you to hook you in was a mask and this is who he really is. Too many of us hung around waiting for the 'real him', the one we fell in love with and actually wanted to be with, to come back but they never do, because that person was a lie. Would you have got with him in the first place if he'd been how/who he is now? No, you'd have run a mile and that's exactly what you need to do now because the person you fell for is not coming back.

You've been hoodwinked, conned, and that means you don't need to bear any guilt for walking away. You don't owe him a place to live (as no doubt that will be his first argument), you don't owe his kids anything so don't listen to how upset they'll be (his second argument) and he will not change so don't let him get in your head with promises that he will. You've seen enough, this is what you're signing up for if you stay and if you don't get rid you will always be (at least) this miserable. You want, and deserve, more out of life than that, don't you?

AutumnFroglets · 28/10/2023 14:02

Its my house. I dont know why im still in a relationship with him

Oh OP....I could weep.

You know what needs doing but I guess you aren't quite ready. What do you need help with? Are you financially tied to him?

SaracensMavericks · 28/10/2023 14:02

Kick him out, OP. What a selfish lazy waste of space.

Dotty87 · 28/10/2023 14:10

MRSC2BE1 · 28/10/2023 13:55

Never tbh. I literally get damm all

You're the help, not a partner. Get him out ASAP.

JamJitters · 28/10/2023 14:10

You don’t seem to take yourself seriously as a real person OP?

LaurieStrode · 28/10/2023 14:35

I could never respect a man who fathered three children and treats them like shit.

I could not be in the same room as such a vile person, let alone be in a relationship with them.