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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Jewellery?

26 replies

Fassbender2020 · 27/10/2023 10:02

I'm processing my own situation at the moment but I wanted to know what other people think

Would you be happy with your partner or husband buying jewellery for a female friend? Not expensive jewellery, just costume but still jewellery

OP posts:
DustyLee123 · 27/10/2023 10:45

No, I think jewellery is a very personal thing.

HoHoHoliday · 27/10/2023 11:24

It depends, of course. Depends on a lot of variables.

If you're in a healthy relationship, and your partner has a good friend, and it's the friend's birthday or other occasion, and your partner knows the piece of jewellery is what the friend will love, and it's within a reasonable budget that they would spend on a present anyway. All seems fine.

However, if they are spending more on this jewellery than they would normally spend on a present for a friend, not ok.
If they don't normally buy presents for anyone except you but then buy this jewellery, not ok.
If they are buying jewellery out of the blue or for a newish friend, not ok.
If your relationship is rocky and they are splashing out on someone else instead of you, not ok.

Only you know what the balance of the situation is and whether it's friendly generosity or fishing for cheating.

Rosiiee · 27/10/2023 11:27

No. Just a no from me. If it’s a good friend’s birthday, there’s so many other things that can be bought as gifts!

Original poster
Fassbender2020 · 27/10/2023 12:36

I'm talking about £20-£30 I think

Those that said no, why does it feel too personal? It does to me but I don't understand why

OP posts:
yarnwitch · 27/10/2023 12:50

I think context is everything. If it was just costume jewellery and for a long term friend then ok.
If it was a more recent friendship or any special jewellery then no.

BeckiWithAnI · 27/10/2023 13:07

Generally I’d say no, but again it’s context. A very good friend known for years who you also know and have been introduced to etc. then maybe, but even then only really if it was a big birthday or special event. Otherwise it’s far too personal, even for a generic birthday.

JIMMI85 · 27/10/2023 13:34

Absolutely fine IMO.

any present you buy for anyone can be seen as personal and jewellery is no different.

like others have said, if it’s expensive and OTT then that’s different but £20-30 I really don’t see the issue.

IAmtheVampiresWife · 27/10/2023 13:40

IMO no. A few questions more - did he tell you in advance? Did he ask for your advice?

Original poster
Fassbender2020 · 27/10/2023 13:43

No, my situation is very complicated so wasn't posting for advice. I was just interested on other people to help me process my own feelings

OP posts:
HowAmYa · 27/10/2023 14:05

I remember your previous msgs.

Hasn't he fucked off to live with his 'best mate'?

Original poster
Fassbender2020 · 27/10/2023 15:59

Yes, as I said, I'm just processing my feelings about everything

OP posts:
Toomanysquishmallows · 27/10/2023 16:16

I wouldn’t be happy with my partner buying jewellery for a female friend , it is a very personal gift.

Original poster
Fassbender2020 · 27/10/2023 16:54

Why is it so personal to you? I agree I just can't understand why exactly

OP posts:
obje · 27/10/2023 16:59

Is it maybe because jewellery is often seen as a sentimental gift?

Original poster
Fassbender2020 · 27/10/2023 17:20

Perhaps yes, it's the fact its costume jewellery that is making me question it more. If it was diamonds or something then I'd know why I felt so strongly but I suppose jewellery is jewellery

OP posts:
waltzingparrot · 27/10/2023 18:11

Is it because traditionally, it's what we buy for the women we love.

WimpoleHat · 27/10/2023 18:15

I’ve been on the other side of this - a very close male friend bought me an expensive bracelet from a well known jeweller for a significant birthday. And I was thrilled that he’d been so thoughtful; it was something that I loved and have worn a great deal. Wouldn’t have occurred to my DH to have a problem with it. If she’s genuinely a good friend and he knows her well enough to know that’s something she’d like, then I don’t see why it’s a problem.

Original poster
Fassbender2020 · 27/10/2023 18:54

waltzingparrot · 27/10/2023 18:11

Is it because traditionally, it's what we buy for the women we love.

I think maybe yes

OP posts:
Original poster
Fassbender2020 · 27/10/2023 20:06

He bought her earrings but with an in meaning to them

OP posts:
Torganer · 27/10/2023 20:20

No, unless it’s very expensive. £20-30 is quite cheap for jewellery. My husband bought a colleague some dinosaur earrings in the secret Santa as the colleague loved dinosaurs and big earrings. I thought it was a great present.

Original poster
Fassbender2020 · 27/10/2023 20:44

I think I'm just going through everything, the jewellery and all of it. I saw texts that she would be the person he'd want to tell good news to first, he'd tell me if I was there but he'd always tell her any news straight away, that says something too I suppose

OP posts:
Torganer · 27/10/2023 20:52

I think the jewellery is a red herring. If you are going through his texts, that indicates there is no trust. If you think you are not the person who he would go to when he has big news, then unless you’ve been going out for under a year, I would reevaluate your relationship. It’s nothing to do with presents for friends.

HideTheCroissants · 27/10/2023 21:10

Years ago my boss (married male) bought me (married female) a necklace for my birthday. He’d asked my assistant for ideas so she suggested this necklace that she knew I liked. There was nothing untoward about the gift at all and the tag was actually signed from boss and his wife.

StSwithinsDay · 27/10/2023 21:14

I saw texts that she would be the person he'd want to tell good news to first, he'd tell me if I was there but he'd always tell her any news straight away, that says something too I suppose

It says everything really. She is the first person he thinks of. Not you.

Opentooffers · 27/10/2023 21:22

Friend since before you, or friend since you? Big difference. Look for other signs - increased taking care of appearance, altered sex appetite- can be higher or lower than usual. Do you always know his whereabouts or does he go off grid sometimes? Working longer hours/ overtime, extra meetings etc.