Opnions on this please

[Cheryl22x]

Hi I’ve came to Mumsnet for some opinions on my daughters paternal grandmother. I think she is massively jealous and wanted to be number one grandparent as it is her first I also think she is very toxic with some of the things she has said in the past. Sorry it’s a long one!
She doesn’t come to my parents house where my and baby live because ‘ the baby won’t look at her if we are around ‘ ‘ I should be aloud to have her by myself ‘ My mum was buying whites for the baby ‘ you don’t buy untill you know the gender’ She was waiting around places when I was getting my scans so she could get a photograph first. In hospital when I just had baby ‘ she phoned to ask when I was announcing it on social media so she could quickly’. She came to visit the baby at my parents house (where baby is living) She ignored my parents couldn’t even look at them. She kept repeating that baby had wind and asked which way I was winding her. She made a comment when she left holding baby her words were ‘ I don’t know how anyone could harm a baby’ which was very weird to come out with. Then.. the second last time she visited me and my mum were talking about giving water to baby when she is older. Paternal grandmother interrupted basically shouting ‘ apparently your not meant to give them water such and such a midwife said’ Then made a passive aggressive comment when she was getting up and leaving ‘ I best get up and do something’ which I think was aimed at my parents because they were sat there.
What do people think of this? Am I over reacting being paranoid or is this normal behaviour?

I’m honestly think it’s so hard to navigate the relationship with grandparents! They think that they have been there and done it so know all of the do’s and don’ts.

For some reason there are so many people who are opinionated on the best way to raise a baby and you will find that mum shamming can be awful!

Although it’s difficult and there are comments that may seem insensitive, it may be helpful to think about why she is feeling the need to say/ do those things.

She probably is jealous that the other grandparents are getting more baby time and maybe feels uncomfortable entering their space. I think the trying to get the first photo and asking about social media could come from a place of excitement.

I know it’s hard and some of the comments were possibly a little out of line but at the same time, I know when I had my boys, I was very tired, very emotional and over sensitive.

Maybe try and look at what the good things are with that relationship because it’s always better to have supportive people around if possible

Thankyou for your comment. There are bits I haven’t added because I would be on for ever. But we’ve never had a good relationship before baby was here there was passive comments. She has never been nice to me. I don’t think she has ever liked me but she trying a little bit when baby was born for her son. That’s why she didn’t want me around when seeing baby.

Also my partner had to step in and tell her when she came to my parents house making comments.

I understand she might feel jealous and also mix of excitement but I would find her well annoying. I would ask partner to have a word with her or do it myself as this cannot continue. It will drive you mad as time goes by.

I suppose it’s just about having clear boundaries and staying strong! You are mum and what you decide for you and your child needs to be respected regardless of others’ opinions.

Could you ask your OH to have a chat with her, explain how her comments are not helpful and put the boundaries in place. E.g. if she comes she needs to refrain from making comments and be ok with you being there otherwise she won’t be able to come?

OP, you have the same thread in Parenting. I'm going to close this one now to avoid confusion.