Boyfriend goes on holiday with his ex

[Smileme]

My boyfriend has a best friend who is female. They used to date about 15 years ago which lasted around 3 months. They are now just friends( I believe this) but I find it difficult that they go on holiday together. She often stays at weekends and they also meet up at other times which I have got used to but the holidays I find hard. I’ve met her but generally I’m banned if she is around as she doesn’t want me there. Am I being unreasonable?

He'd probably be off to a hotel every weekend I reckon to meet her there.

my best friend is a male friend who i used to date many many years ago and we have remained friends ever since. we are both married to new partners and my husband has no issues with my having a friendship with this man and i do admit that our contact can sometime be a bit 'near the mark' but never inappropriate! my husband and i have no secrets and he is fully aware of all the contact we have, unfortunately, the same cannot be said of this friend and his wife and my husband does joke that if anything ever happened between me and him, this friend would be like a whippet up a drain pipe after me, and im not going to lie, hes probably right. i enjoy our friendship and i do not encourage anything other than friendship and i reguarly remind him of the boundaries, and my husband and i are very safe in our relationship to know that there is never ever anything this friend could ever do to steal me away.. he is an ex for a reason after all. the one thing my husband would not stand for is the later bit of your issue.. being banned from anything... i dont see its appropriate to be going on holiday together unaccompanied and i know what my husband would be saying tha that and i certainly know what he would say if i told him he was 'banned'... so although i agree that you can have friends with the opposite sex, there are also rules surrounding this, and as soon as things are 'banned' then those rules are broken

I think you should kind of take the friend in terms of their history etc out of the equation. It boils down to him having someone in his life that he knows is not welcoming of you, that he would prioritise that person if it came to you popping by and he's comfortable with that set up.

It could be a brother, a child, a friend etc - he's seemingly OK with this situation that is quite frankly disrespectful towards you. I'm sorry to be brutal but unless that changed your relationship has no future. You don't have to suddenly become a gang of three, but you're being treated like the other woman here. You have done nothing to deserve this treatment and the only behaviour you can change is your own. So I would walk away.

Honey they're fucking.

It’s up to you to decide if you’re comfortable or not - and you’re not.

It would be an absolute nope out of there from me as soon as I realised there was a female best friend that specifically didn’t want me around. No drama, just leaving them to their very important friendship and moving on.

Ask him this simple question - what happens if some time down the line, you decide to move in together? Would he expect you to leave your home for the weekend to allow her to visit? At best, it might make him realise that he’s never going to have a successful romantic relationship while he lets this girl dictate to him like that. At worst, he says yep I would make you leave your home to accommodate her, and you’ll know for sure that he’s a waste of your time (and probably shagging her) and dump him!

It would be a cold day in hell before another woman would go on holiday with my partner and ban me from being around when she's there. I actually can't believe you put up with this hon 🤦‍♂️💐 he is prioritising another woman. While I'm happy for DH to have female friends I come first. If he didn't immediately end the friendship at this point he'd be history.

Only on mumsnet would this be debatable. From the info you’ve given, they are both taking the piss.

I had a bf who had a friend that he went on holiday with, went on long weekends away, pretty much rang him every day. The friend made it obvious that he didn't want to know me and the bf didn't push it with him. As other pp have said after this comes down to respect, your bf's friend is possessive and your bf isn't establishing any boundaries. Or he just likes the idea of having two women interested in him...

Wow your bf won't invite you in if she's there are you cuckoo

They are absolutely taking the piss. You can’t even meet in passing?! Dump him and run.