How to move on.

[Grapefruitstars]

I'll keep this brief. Basically I got married when I didn't want to. I wasn't young really but I was naive I suppose. My ex was older and my parents had spend so much money on the wedding. He had an ex wife and was always vague about how they split. When we were married he wouldn't share money and basically did his own thing. His family seemed to control our lives a lot. When we split I found out he'd taken out a loan for a huge amount of money. Our child was 1. He refused to bother with him apart from the odd overnight. Now he has a new partner he does more.
My behaviour wasn't great and I was off anti depressants which is never a good idea.. I need to move on from.being so stupid.

Anyone?

Hi OP, in what way are you having trouble moving on?

Hi OP just wanted to say it sounds like you've had a really unpleasant time. Not too much detail but it does sound like your husband was financially controlling to some extent. Have you had a look at the resources on women's aid? Some of what they say may ring true for you.

It's really awful when someone changes so much that you don't recognise them at all. You thought you were with Mr right and then there is a complete U turn. It is more common than you think.

Try to be kind to yourself. Lots of people are in the same position as you. The good news is you are out of it now and can start to look to the future. This can be a really scary time if you feel like you everything is happening too you. If you are really low talk to your doctor about getting some counselling.

Hopefully lots of other MNers will be along in a while with some sound advice

I think most people would feel bad about marrying someone they don't like and behaving appallingly.

We're moving this thread to our Relationships topic for the OP and giving it a bump to get it back into Active Conversations.

How are you getting on OP? Have you reached out for support IRL?

I'm in a much happier relationship but sometimes I feel guilty my child has to be shared with him. I shouldn't have got married and I knew it

Forgive yourself op, you were doing the best you could with the resources you had at the time. Making mistakes is how we learn and growth is nearly always painful. It sounds like things have moved on since your marriage so do you know what’s triggering these feelings now?

Everyone makes mistakes OP. The important thing is you got you and DC out of there. You are making a better life for you both. DC will be able to make their own mind up about seeing Ex when they are older.

I feel like this sometimes - guilty that I had my child with my ex instead of a decent guy.

Lucky you you've met someone else nice, my decent guy is a mythical creature!

I try to find peace in thinking that I love my baby so much and he wouldn't be 'him' if I'd had him with someone else. Also that I only knew what I knew at the time and I've learned some lessons that I can apply going forwards. Counselling helped me a lot with this.
Please don't let you ex get in the way of being happy right now x