Mess

[HappyAnonymous]

It’s complicated I will try to make sense….

1. been together a long time have a child and he has children’s from previous relationships. We were happy at first and had a child fast ( I now know it was to control me)
2. has been verbally abusive over the years always calling fat, spotty, cunt, useless etc
3. has cheated on me several times and been on dating sites but makes me feel like I cannot leave
4. I’m paranoid out of my mind I constantly question everything he does- but recently had a really strong feeling something was going on. Twice I have come him from a day out and he has made a huge Sunday roast with one plate left for me he was saying ‘this is the best dinner I’ve ever had it’s well better than yours I got a recipe offline’
5. I have know found out a girl has been coming round to my house when I’m not there and making the big Sunday roast he was trying to get me to eat. This girl is younger than me and has no children. He’s also told me when he told her has cheated on me in the past she said ‘if that was me I would just want you to tell me because then it’s not cheating’ and he’s using this against me like well that’s what other girls would be like and she also had a pregnancy scare.
6. I feel like it’s all my fault I either should have left but I was always so scared. He’s saying it’s my fault he has a high sex drive and I deprive him. I’m scared I’m going to leave and he will hve this girl pregnant straight away which affects my child.

please be kind to m

Thank you I am calling women’s aid tomorrow and booking a session a with counsellor to discuss what’s going on in my head

He is scared of what is going to happen amd he is, in turn, transferring the fear on to you.

Because the reality is your life will be better without him in it amd he will lose control over you. You are trying to manage and control the situation from the inside. You can't.

@HappyAnonymous make sure you do, accept the help and you and your little girl will have a bright future ahead for you both and you’ll be free to live a happy life that you deserve. Happy mum happy children I wish you the best of luck

If you do not get your daughter away from this disgusting man and dysfunctional living environment, she will be doomed to make the same choices you have when she gets older. History will continue to repeat itself. It's very sad if you don't want better for yourself, but at least want more for your child.

The way you are feeling will only get worse the longer you stay in this relationship. It will destroy any self esteem you have and cause lasting emotional damage that will effect any future relationships. My advise is to end the relationship and get support from where ever you can and rebuild your life so that you and your daughter have a chance at a happy life. Stay with him and your daughter will pick up on your unhappiness and will learn from both of you what relationships look like. Would you want her to be treated like this ?

This is classic domestic abuse znd the police need to be told. They will make sure you're safe before anything else happens.

Abusers want only the best for themselves. Think on this when he berates you. He wants to abuse you while benefitting from all the things you can give him. He is terrified of you leaving but that is what you must do. He will sooner or later move onto your daughter. They always do.

Many many hugs and kisses flying jour way. Make an exit plan and put it into practice. Keep notes on what hapoened and when. If he goes through your stuff create a secret email account and send yourself notes, deleting the sent emails immediately.

@HappyAnonymous everything I've read sounds to me like people trying to helpful, people do it in different ways and the effectiveness of each way varies for a bunch of reasons. I think everyone just want to you to get away and be safe.

None of this is your fault, nobody deserves to be treated the way you describe, no exceptions. If he's genuinely "disappointed", he knows where the front door is right? All he's doing is figuring out how he can hurt you. People who love you don't do that

So he is bringing his latest girlfriend into your home and wants you to eat the food she cooked? That is really twisted.

@HappyAnonymous, you have to take action. Your child is living in a dangerous home with this shit father and hateful abuser who enjoys beating you down. This train wreck will be damaging her beyond measure, so you must protect both of you by leaving.

You can do this, @HappyAnonymous. Find your gumption. Don’t listen to the bully’s manipulative words meant to frighten and keep you stuck. Do the right thing for your daughter. Contact Women’s Aid and get both of you out.

You are in a really horrible situation OP, which also means your daughter is in a horrible situation. You almost need a complete switch off from him and all his bullshit, which basically means that everything he says to you, just needs to be taken completely with a pinch of salt. Everything you have said about this person and the horrible things he says to you are all completely untrue and are just a product of his nasty, bullying, controlling ways unfortunately. I hope you do speak to Women's Aid and find the strength to leave and also realise that NONE of this is your fault! This disgusting excuse for a man is going to be the one who loses out in the long term.

@GreyCarpet you may feel you protect and shield your child but she will know more than you think.

Be brave, strong and do the right thing by her. Lead by example and leave him to show her that women do not get treated like this by men.
She will get older and not respect you if you stay. She will end up copying your footsteps.

Have a look deep inside to find out why are willing to accept such awful treatment.
Work on your and learn to be your own best friend.
Please leave him

@HappyAnonymous not @GreyCarpet sorry

I'd be keeping your child as far away as this piece of shit as possible, they will never have a healthy relationship.

I’d pack his suitcase and get the flags out. Why would you feel your daughter is
missing out on a manipulative, abusive arsehole?

I don’t think she is. I’m scared of the damage he will do when I leave.

Sending hugs to you. What sort of potential damage are you scared of?

You need to get out, he's abusing you.

He's already done damage, with his abuse. It will continue and if doesn't get worse the damage the existing kinds of abuse are doing will get worse. It's already pretty bad. It's perhaps hard to see it now, but we can see it the way you describe your situation. You're also dealing with this alone. After you leave, you can get support, you don't and shouldn't have to face this on your own

You definitely need to speak to women's aid and citizens advice asap.

It sounds like the violence should probably be reported but that's up to you to talk about with WA.

He sounds like an absolute sociopath narcissist.

He'll never change, and he'll never offer a woman a good relationship - including little miss cooks well. I feel sorry for her ....she's clearly not got a tap of sense getting involved with a man who's got a partner and child; she could be getting herself a single fella with no kids and instead she's wasting her time with this Jeremy Kyle contestant.

@HappyAnonymous, can you please elaborate about the damage you are worried about?

I'd stop wasting your energy worrying about your child having a sibling and use it to leave, he's shagging someone else in your home and rubbing your face in it, protect your child from this shitshow, he's not worthy of being her dad.

Before you can blink he will have shacked up with latest squeeze

now is the time to go op

but would I be correct on thinking - that’s not going to happen?

No I am going we have shared the house this week on alternate days and once I get some help tomorrow I will be able to make arrangements. Thank you for all the help. I needed some help with my mind as he was starting to poison me again.

I think I’m just more heartbroken that I ever met him and the family I always thought I would get to have isn’t going to happen

Where have you and him gone when not at the home?

who suggested that arrangement?

It wasn’t a suggestion really we live away from our family and that’s where my child goes to school. I’ve stayed with family on my days away and he stayed at a hotel. School has to be changed and I’ve already told her current school what is going to happen