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Original poster

DP moving in soon, how to fairly split the bills?

39 replies

Bluewater1 · 21/10/2023 10:06

So DP is moving in soon to live with me and my DC (who are here half the week). I take home £2500 a month and he takes home £1700. He has no dependents. His parents think he should be paying 50% on all bills and mortgage payments but I don't think this is fair. I earn more than he does so if he pays 50% he is effectively paying more in terms of what is left of his wage compared to how much I will have left. I think he should pay a percentage of the bills and mortgage repayment relevant to our incomes ie I pay more because I earn more. I discussed it with my brother (only living relative) to gain his view and he raised his eyebrows and said well sis that is very generous of you, he's a lucky guy.
So my question is, am I being fair and appropriate or overly generous?

OP posts:
Pumpkinpie1 · 21/10/2023 12:33

I think having him pay the mortgage is a mistake.
Your arrangement needs to state he is paying rent and utilities NOT MORTGAGE
He is moving into yours and your childrens home fact and that needs protecting x

Pumpkinpie1 · 21/10/2023 12:34

Yes I do think you are being very generous

SuperLoudPoppingAction · 21/10/2023 12:38

What is your plan about whether he's going to be a joint tenant for the house and contributing to the mortgage?

Given that you have children, you might not want a new boyfriend to have an equal claim on the house so I would look into the legal intricacies.

Cadenza12 · 21/10/2023 12:39

I also think that you are being overly generous. You are providing the home, plus furnishings and have dependants. He hasn't contributed to the deposit etc
Equally you do need to make it clear that he's paying rent, not the mortgage. I'd work out all the bills/mortgage and split 50:50 as his rent .

SuperLoudPoppingAction · 21/10/2023 12:40

I've always been reluctant to enter into a tenancy agreement with a romantic partner (which charging rent might imply) as I prefer to be able to ask someone to leave quite quickly if things go wrong.

SuperLoudPoppingAction · 21/10/2023 12:41

This might actually be better in legal or money matters.

Doggymummar · 21/10/2023 12:44

See a solicitor to get it drawn up properly and pay in proportion. I would say he gives you whatever he would be paying in rent currently, then split bills you 75 him 25 if there are three if you and one of him.

MMmomDD · 21/10/2023 12:44

For starters - he needs to be paying you rent - not mortgagee. At least until you are sure it’s working out and you are ready to take the next step.

And secondly - you have you and your child to support on your salary. So - his suggestion of paying half of monthly expenses - if he can afford it - isn’t unfair.
There are two paying adults.

And - you have a dependent that needs clothing, food, etc. So it’s bot the case of you having so much more extra after bills…

If you are strong as a couple - it doesn’t even matter what is left over. You can jointly decide on what to do with money after expenses.

Simonjt · 21/10/2023 12:48

We did my now husband paying 1/3 of utilties/food and 1/2 council tax, he moved into my mortgaged home where my son lived full time. Once we were married he went on the mortgage and we put everything in one account and had equal ‘fun’ money.

Original poster
Bluewater1 · 21/10/2023 13:07

This is really helpful everyone, thanks for your replies. I have 2 children so that does need to be taken into account. Will definitely charge him rent rather than a mortgagee as I need to protect mine and my children's assets in the event that long term it doesn't work out. Lots of good advice, thanks

OP posts:
acpk55 · 21/10/2023 13:50

You are earning about 30% more than his is, so maybe you pay a bit more on the bills maybe 60/40 split

theduchessofspork · 21/10/2023 14:00

He needs to pay you rent, not pay the mortgage or he could have a claim, same for contributing to house maintenance - check all this with citizens advice.

I am generally all for sharing, I think generally marital money should be pooled, and if you are living together I think you need to have reasonably even amounts of spending and savings money for it to work.

HOWEVER you have your kids to pay for so I suspect that offsets any advantage he has, so 50/50 may well be right.

He also needs to consider his long term financial health. If he’s paying you rent, where is his long term housing security. You shouldn’t loose out for his security, but he may need to figure out how to up his earnings to get a buy to let, or he might just be better getting his own place.

OhComeOnFFS · 21/10/2023 14:05

What was he paying in rent before and what was he getting for that?

I think you should charge him rent so that you are both better off - eg if he used to pay £500 pm then charge him £300 so he's better off and you are, too. Then I'd say less than half the bills as your children are there too - maybe 40% to him?

converseandjeans · 21/10/2023 14:22

How much is mortgage & council tax? I think if you charge half of mortgage it will make him feel like he owns half of house & if you do split up he may say he has paid half mortgage.

Having him live there will give you more spends for yourself.

QueenOfTheLabyrinth · 21/10/2023 14:39

NO NO NO!

OP, please see a solicitor for legal advice and get a proper cohabitation agreement drawn up.

Just because you call his payment “rent” instead of mortgage, doesn’t necessarily mean a judge won’t see it as mortgage contributions, believe me I have personal experience of this!

A lot of posters will tell you that they think is fair / moral or argue that he’d be paying rent elsewhere anyway etc. But please trust me, what is fair / moral isn’t always the same as what’s legal.

Spacecowboys · 21/10/2023 14:43

I don’t think he should be paying half of everything . You have two children -
so 3/4 of the household is your financial responsibility. It would be pretty unfair for him to be paying half the food shop, as an example. As others have said, he shouldn’t be paying towards your mortgage. The living situation will give him no housing security whatsoever so that should also be accounted for when working out costs. Hopefully he plans to put money in savings.

MrsKeats · 21/10/2023 14:44

Why are you discussing your finances with all and sundry?
Never a good idea.

Westfacing · 21/10/2023 14:51

On MN it’s always the man moving into a woman’s mortgaged house - why is that?

category12 · 21/10/2023 14:57

Spacecowboys · 21/10/2023 14:43

I don’t think he should be paying half of everything . You have two children -
so 3/4 of the household is your financial responsibility. It would be pretty unfair for him to be paying half the food shop, as an example. As others have said, he shouldn’t be paying towards your mortgage. The living situation will give him no housing security whatsoever so that should also be accounted for when working out costs. Hopefully he plans to put money in savings.

I don't think that is realistic, and gives the guy a massively easy ride at OP's expense. Depending on the age of the kids, an adult man living in the house full-time might well add a lot to bills and groceries vs two small kids living there half the time. Couples tend to eat quite differently as well, like more meat and alcohol, than a single mum and two small children might. If they're strapping teenagers, they might give him a run for his money, of course.

OP, you need to check your situation out legally so you protect your own interests with your house.

You both should benefit from living together. But since he's been living with his mum and dad, what's he been paying them and will the costs of a household be a massive shock? And be very careful you don't take that parental role and make sure he's going to muck in at home. Talk about household chores and don't continue to do everything if you have another adult living with you.

disappearingfish · 21/10/2023 14:58

QueenOfTheLabyrinth · 21/10/2023 14:39

NO NO NO!

OP, please see a solicitor for legal advice and get a proper cohabitation agreement drawn up.

Just because you call his payment “rent” instead of mortgage, doesn’t necessarily mean a judge won’t see it as mortgage contributions, believe me I have personal experience of this!

A lot of posters will tell you that they think is fair / moral or argue that he’d be paying rent elsewhere anyway etc. But please trust me, what is fair / moral isn’t always the same as what’s legal.

This.

Also, he will have no rights at all, you can kick him out at a moment's notice. So he needs savings in case he needs to rent in a hurry.

skyeisthelimit · 21/10/2023 15:01

I would say that if he pays 50% of all bills, then that would be fair (as he is just 1 versus 3 of you) and then no extra charge for rent. It's not all straightforward, as council tax will cost you more as you will lose the discount and obviously use of utilities will go up with an extra person.

He should only pay half the mortgage if he owns half the house, for his own protection.

If you want to protect your property, then you need for his money not to have any connection to the mortgage at all.

CurlewKate · 21/10/2023 15:09

Your first step should be to a solicitor.

Comedycook · 21/10/2023 15:14

If it were me I'd say he should pay half of utilities and no rent/mortgage. Also a contribution towards food but not 50/50 as you have DC.

Oldthyme · 21/10/2023 15:16

See a solicitor.
50/50 is good regardless of his income.

The contribution he makes could/should appear on your bank statement as “incidentals” whatever it’s for or going towards. Be very careful about that because if you split it might be used in evidence if other labels like “rent,” “mortgage,” “utility bill” etc are used.

Ask a solicitor, don’t be blinded by love. Sh*t happens.

category12 · 21/10/2023 15:19

Comedycook · 21/10/2023 15:14

If it were me I'd say he should pay half of utilities and no rent/mortgage. Also a contribution towards food but not 50/50 as you have DC.

DC who are there only half of the time whereas he'll be living there full-time. And he is a full-grown adult man - he might cook & eat massive portions and drink a six-pack daily (hopefully not 😂) - while we don't know the age of the children.