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Original poster

DP moving in soon, how to fairly split the bills?

39 replies

Bluewater1 · 21/10/2023 10:06

So DP is moving in soon to live with me and my DC (who are here half the week). I take home £2500 a month and he takes home £1700. He has no dependents. His parents think he should be paying 50% on all bills and mortgage payments but I don't think this is fair. I earn more than he does so if he pays 50% he is effectively paying more in terms of what is left of his wage compared to how much I will have left. I think he should pay a percentage of the bills and mortgage repayment relevant to our incomes ie I pay more because I earn more. I discussed it with my brother (only living relative) to gain his view and he raised his eyebrows and said well sis that is very generous of you, he's a lucky guy.
So my question is, am I being fair and appropriate or overly generous?

OP posts:
category12 · 21/10/2023 15:25

This is quite a weird thread to me, because in a few months time, were OP to return and say "my partner only pays a quarter of the bills and groceries etc etc" people would rush to say what a cocklodger she's got and to get rid.

Comedycook · 21/10/2023 15:26

category12 · 21/10/2023 15:19

DC who are there only half of the time whereas he'll be living there full-time. And he is a full-grown adult man - he might cook & eat massive portions and drink a six-pack daily (hopefully not 😂) - while we don't know the age of the children.

Show quote history

Are you forgetting the op lives there full time too. She's still bringing more people to the table (excuse the pun) who need to eat.

Honest2afault · 21/10/2023 15:27

Bluewater1 · 21/10/2023 13:07

This is really helpful everyone, thanks for your replies. I have 2 children so that does need to be taken into account. Will definitely charge him rent rather than a mortgagee as I need to protect mine and my children's assets in the event that long term it doesn't work out. Lots of good advice, thanks

If he contributes towards the mortgage DP would likely acquire a trust over what he contributes, meaning if he pays for £10,000 into the house over 5 years, he will own £10,000 of the house plus appreciation.

I will receive hate for this but I will say it anyway because it will be how DP thinks.

  • He accepts you having children with another man, one of the biggest red flags in dating for men (as your children will always be more important to you than DP)
  • He accepts you earning more than him, another major red flag for men

So the idea that he should pay rent to you, instead of owning what he pays for is somewhat.. well I won't say it but basically if he pays rent, he is paying part of your mortgage for you and just giving you money, not really fair is it.

I would also advise seeing a solicitor, they will explain what I have outlined above RE a trust.

wildwestpioneer · 21/10/2023 15:35

I'd take legal advice re the house and him paying any % of the mortgage and if it opens you up to him having a claim on it.

I'd be more inclined to him paying 50% of all bills and covering the weekly shop. Personally I'd not have him contributing to the mortgage as he then has no claim to to house if you were to split

category12 · 21/10/2023 15:43

Comedycook · 21/10/2023 15:26

Are you forgetting the op lives there full time too. She's still bringing more people to the table (excuse the pun) who need to eat.

Show quote history

He's an earning adult who is becoming part of a family of 4 with non-earning children. He's not a lodger, presumably the hope is that he will be active in the children's lives, creating a nice family unit where he has interest in their well-being and feels affection and responsibility towards them. They come as part of the package of living with their mother.

If not, why is he moving in?

I think it's bizarre to treat the children as entirely their mother's financial burden if you're living together. Of course she and her ex will take the main burden but dicking about over what proportion of the food bill is paid, really? 🙄

FrippEnos · 21/10/2023 15:55

Westfacing · 21/10/2023 14:51

On MN it’s always the man moving into a woman’s mortgaged house - why is that?

Probably because its a female dominated site.
Also the question has been asked from the side of a woman moving into the BF's house and the answer is pay less or get married to protect your assets.

Original poster
Bluewater1 · 21/10/2023 16:14

You are all giving me lots to think about and I'm finding it all really helpful thank you. DC are 10 and 13 in response to someone's question. Food bills will definitely go up compared to me and DC naturally. I need to factor in the increase in council tax. He lives alone currently in rented.

OP posts:
LaurieStrode · 22/10/2023 01:37

MrsKeats · 21/10/2023 14:44

Why are you discussing your finances with all and sundry?
Never a good idea.

I was wondering this, too.

Why move a strange man in with your kids?? Can't you just date on days they are with their other parent?

Rainbowqueeen · 22/10/2023 01:45

Not sure how this would work out from a fairness point of view but I’d consider getting him to pay all bills and food but no rent. Then there’s no question that he can claim a share in the house.

Honest2afault · 22/10/2023 02:49

Rainbowqueeen · 22/10/2023 01:45

Not sure how this would work out from a fairness point of view but I’d consider getting him to pay all bills and food but no rent. Then there’s no question that he can claim a share in the house.

If we aren't concerned with fairness let's get him to pay all the bills and mortgage but get him to sign an express declaration that those payments are gifts and does not wish to acquire a share in the property.

acpk55 · 22/10/2023 11:46

Rainbowqueeen · 22/10/2023 01:45

Not sure how this would work out from a fairness point of view but I’d consider getting him to pay all bills and food but no rent. Then there’s no question that he can claim a share in the house.

And that is clearly not fair..

rwalker · 22/10/2023 12:05

50% of bills
no rent no mortgage contributions

being blunt 50% of relationships fail
why why risk your home and financial security for a few hundred pounds a month

UndercoverCop · 22/10/2023 12:09

Crudely you should be left with roughly the same disposable income, for you your outgoings will be higher you will have DC related costs which in my vote a boyfriend wouldn't contribute to, home maintenance you might want a sink fund for, both of you should have independent savings.
Whatever the agreement neither of you should be worse off. So also consider what is he paying in rent and bills now? He shouldn't see a massive drop in his outgoings while yours stay the same.

Original poster
Bluewater1 · 23/10/2023 09:04

Yes, I was thinking that roughly our disposable income should be the same. This is why I am thinking that a ratio is the fairest way to do it.

OP posts:
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